Robin in New Jersey asked, "How are you doing, Donna?"

Aww, thanks for asking, Robin! I hope you won't be sorry you asked!

I'm actually struggling on a lot of different fronts.

In the last 5 years, I have been dealing with depression. In the last couple of years, I thought I was coming out of it, but in actuality I think I have hit rock bottom. Holding on to the very end of the proverbial rope with the tips of my fingers.

My mom moved in last year and that has not really been an issue (on the personal side), but I think it might have added logistically to my depression. After living with us a year, she is still sleeping in my son's room, on the bottom bunk of an L-shape arrangement. Here she is in her "golden years" and she shouldn't have to do that, but we just don't have the funds to add on a room at the back of the house. And at this stage of the game, not even enough to make the dining-room-to-eventually-be liveable. The last few months finances have been so tight, we wonder if we'll have enough to go buy food the next month. God is good, all the time, and we've not had to go without, but we've not been able to pay all our credit card bills. Not good. So there are no funds to go toward the house remodel.

I know that I have a VERY cluttered house at the moment. The upstairs living room is not "company ready" by any measuring stick. I actually stopped doing housework about 5 years ago, so the clutter and the dust bunnies are a bit overwhelming. The house remains unliveable downstairs and after 17 years, I'm at the end of my rope. This house did save us from being homeless and I have fallen in love with its floor plan and potential. Sad thing is we really can't sell it and get another house or go to an apartment because we couldn't get enough to get another house. Also another consideration is that either apartment rent or house payment need ongoing income to cover said payment. We're technically not even close to breaking even, much less coming up with another $800+ to cover rent/mortgage payments.

The times in the past I have been diagnosed as "depressed," it's actually been "clinical depression" meaning that there was a chemical imbalance in my brain. I never felt sad or hopeless, never felt like just sitting and crying... might have been a bit immobilized in trying to dig out and through the house clutter, but never truly "sad." I can say that I have definitely hit that stage and that I feel depressed. I don't feel suicidal--don't really believe that is ever an option. Suicide places so much on those who are left behind and there are ALWAYS options other than killing oneself. So I'm not suicidal, but I am definitely feeling sad and hopeless. (I guess my Pollyanna personality could only handle so much, and 17 years was my limit---knew I was getting close to my limit after 12 years.)

I did see my doctor for my yearly physical Monday this week, and he has prescribed an antidepressant. (I've been having insomnia issues also, so I'm grateful that this particular drug helps me to get to sleep and stay asleep.) I've talked to my pastor and have an appointment with him next week to see if I can have counseling with him or if he thinks I may need more "long-term" care. If so, he will help me find someone I can see for the little bit we might be able to scape together.

So there's the story from Lake Wobegone, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

I hope you aren't sorry you asked, Robin!