|
You never know the worth of water until the well runs dry. My Grandma used to quote that to me frequently. Growing up in foster care during the depression, she experienced the agony of not belonging or being wanted. She knew what it was like to not have family or food. She knew the worth of both. My own partner & help meet has been down with severe headaches for nearly four months now. She has spent more days in bed than up. We, as a family, have been learning first hand the incredible worth of this incredible woman. It is a shame that it takes such a severe circumstance to shake us out of our apathy. This time has also revealed the depth of my selfishness. It is staggering. Just as I preach to my kids that the struggle will end when you submit to authority - I now hear my Father in heaven say the same thing to me. Yet I still struggle & push & fight it. I must admit that it has occured to me more than once that maybe this sickness is more about my sin than not. Yet I still resist. This weekend, our church elders prayed over her according to James 5:13-16. Following this, her pain seemed to increase in frequency & severity. I wonder if it is like the children of Isreal getting the ark & bringing it into the battle with the Philistines because they were losing. They thought they could "use" God to bail them out. The enemy won & captured the ark as well. I don't want to use God. I want to be used by him. May he forgive me & give me a heart of flesh for a heart of stone. |
Comments