The Undeserving

 “Organized chaos” – that sums it up.  Well over a thousand large cardboard boxes had been neatly arranged in rows separated by narrow aisles on the floor of this old department store.  Each open box contained a varied selection of games, puzzles, toys, and clothing.  Amongst these boxes, dozens of people scurried like ants whose bed had been disturbed. Outside, scores of people waited in line for their turn to enter and claim free Christmas gifts for their children, gifts donated by generous folks all across the area.  The day was December 22, 2004:  distribution day for the Salvation Army’s Angel Tree and Toys for Tots annual Christmas charity. 

As volunteers for this event we Jeffcoats were among the multitude of “scurrying ants”, better known as “runners”.  We waited as one by one each recipient was registered and directed to one of many tables where their assigned number was given to us runners who then searched to find the corresponding box. Once located, all items found there were scooped up and brought back to the table to be double checked, making sure each child in that family had been provided for.  From there,  runner and recipient picked up a food box and, going assembly line style, received potatoes, bread, and finally a hen to go with the items it already contained.  Then the food box and gifts were taken to that person’s vehicle for unloading before the process began again.

Dozens of bustling volunteers, scores of waiting recipients, and hundreds of loaded boxes flooded the building at any given time…but everyone knew where to go and what to do (usuallyJ) hence:  Organized chaos.

While walking among the mass of boxes hunting correct numbers, I was utterly overwhelmed by the generosity of the community.  Actually, “generosity” is really a rather weak word in this case as it does not begin to describe the vast number of items people had bought to make Christmas happy for strangers. This was the Christmas spirit come to life.  It looked as if every department store in the area had been relieved of its toys. I couldn’t even begin to guess the monetary value of such bigheartedness, and the thought of all the love and kindness represented in that room would have moved me to tears, if I hadn’t been so busy.

Recipients came in all shapes, sizes, and ages:  Mothers, grandmothers, fathers, all waiting patiently in line for their turn. Some wore smiles. Some looked stressed. Some were obviously very poor.  Most were extremely grateful.  But some of my “warm fuzzy” feelings were cooled by that first lady DD13 and I helped.  She didn’t say one word to us as we struggled with her generous load.  There was no offer to help, and not so much as a “Thank you” when we finished and wished her a Merry Christmas.  If only she could have read my mind, she’d have received more than food and toys; she’d have gotten an ear full.  Something like, “You sure do have an attitude, woman.  Your children will have a wonderful Christmas because someone you don’t even know spent their valuable time, money, and energy buying things you could not afford yourself.  I’d think the very least you could do would to be grateful and say, ‘Thank you.’  You act like you’re owed this, but in reality, you don’t deserve such gracious generosity!”   (It’s probably a good thing she couldn’t read my mind.)

I tried to put this encounter behind me as we rushed to help other, more grateful, more “deserving” people, with their packages, but I couldn’t.  You see, though the woman couldn’t read my mind, God could, and He had something to say.  Something like, “You sure do have a self-righteous attitude girl.  I’ve given you an abundance of gifts that will last forever.  Even when you didn’t know Me, I paid a tremendous price you could never afford.  Are you truly grateful?”

Am I truly grateful or do I act as if somehow God owes me something?

In reality, I deserved hell; He gave me heaven.

I deserved punishment; He gave me forgiveness.

I deserved death; He gave me life.

I deserved abandonment; He gave me Himself.

I was spiritually bankrupt; He paid my account in full.

I was unworthy; even so, He loved me.

I was trapped; He set me free.

I didn’t receive what I deserved; I received what I didn’t:  Grace.

These are the true gifts of Christmas, given to me extravagantly; all wrapped up in Jesus Christ, the Spirit of Christmas come to life.  The least I can do is show my gratitude by freely passing His grace along.

© Drewe Llyn Jeffcoat 2004