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As a sex offender therapist
for some number of years, I must say I believe in sex offender
treatment. Studies have shown that it reduces sex offender
recidivism. However, it does not eliminate it. One of the
jobs I have had to do as a sex offender therapist was to asses
risk and evaluate treatment outcomes. Recently my wife
asked me to respond to someones question on a forum about a man who
said God cured him of pedophilia. The issues in this situation
were all too common. Having been asked on more than one occasion
about an offender in a church and what leadership was allowing them to
do, I decided to post a version of my response here on my blog as
well. I have changed some things and added questions in as a
quick way to make it clear what I am responding to. Forgiveness and Trusting God Are we not trusting God if we do not show the same amount of trust to a child molester who claims redemption as we do others in our church? It is imperative that we trust God with all our heart. It is also imperative that we do not let others dictate to us what trusting God is. If a man in a cheap suit shows up at your door and tells you that you need to trust God and invest in his business, would you? People invoke the name of God to get Christians to do what they want them to do. Do not be bound by their words. They begin with the truth but add to it their own desires. Also remember, Satan can quote more scripture than you and I. Remember the context of scriptures and do not be taken in by quick syllogisms and loose connections. If we treat them differently does that mean we have not forgiven them? When Jesus was asked if someone should forgive their brother 7 times, He said 7 times 70. He did not say, What do you mean 7 times. If he said he is sorry he will never do it again. Depart from me you evil man. I am going to make your brother my disciple in your place. Jesus instructed us to be forgiving of other just as we are forgiven. He also shared that seeking forgiveness does not guarantee lasting behavioral change. What are some warning signs that we should be on the lookout for when dealing with sexual offenders? Secrets Someone said on that forum that sex offenders and secrets are like a match and gasoline. I agree. Unfortunately, they are also like salt and pepper, chocolate and peanut butter, and smoke and fire. They frequently go together. Keeping secrets is the one of the first signs that an offender is in a vulnerable place to offend. Secrets are used to keep them from dealing with issues and to allow questionable behaviors to continue. If an offender does not deal with issues then they are likely to be looking for a way to relieve their tension. This would include offending. If they are hiding their behaviors, then they know that there is something wrong. However, they are being gratified by doing it and do not want to stop. Manipulation Manipulation is the process of stirring up emotions in others so that they will not exercise good judgment. Manipulative behaviors do not indicate a recovered sex offender. This is particularly true when they are manipulating you to give them access to your children. They may act insulted when their efforts to help with the youth or the nursery are rejected. This creates a natural desire in others to make amends. We say, Surely if they are this upset, I have done something wrong and must change. Wrong. A sexual offender who has been successfully treated would know that 1 they have a risk to relapse, 2 they have lost the right to activities that would place a child at risk, and 3 people are right to be concerned about them and other sexual offenders. Any offender who manipulates to gain access is to be feared. Pedophilia The is one of the highest, if not the highest, risk factor for re-offending. It does not just go away. If you were to go to a conference for people who work with sex offenders and ask everyone who has worked with an offender who claimed God healed them from their desire to offend to raise their hand, every hand in the room would go up. If you asked them to keep their hands up if they later found evidence that told them their offender was not cured, no hands would go down. I have worked with sexual addicts who related their frustration about God not removing their desire to look at pornography. I have to say I have never seen in the Bible where God removes the desire to sin based on request. In fact if you look at the story of Jesus and the woman at the well you see the opposite. He tells her that if she asked him for water, he would give her water that would take away her thirst forever. She says give me this water. Jesus says..... go get your husband. Sinful behaviors are based in problems that run deeper than what we see on the surface. Quite often we confuse the symptom with the disease. To cure the symptoms leaves the disease intact. Years ago hypnotherapists found out if they hypnotized alcoholics to not drink, they started using drugs. While God can do anything, He does not do everything. All things are not in His will. Precautions When dealing with sexual offenders in our churches and our personal lives, we must always exercise caution. I would argue that it is best to not entertain any ideas other than complete disclosure to church leadership and complete removal from anything related to children. Any seemingly small violation of rules set up to protect the children is to be dealt with immediately and severely. If something small becomes a reoccurring problem, you need to realize that it is not small. It is easy for someone with good will to avoid the childrens hallway or not stop and talk to the middle schoolers. For compulsive sex offenders, it is very difficult. It is difficult because they want to gratify their desire to offend. When they violate simple rules, that is what they are doing. Churches or families need to respond as they would to the intent not the seemingly innocent behavior. |
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