I’ve been reading Emma Lazarus Rediscovered by Eve Merriam, which my dh picked up for me at Ellis Island, while on a business trip to New York last year. The following quote resonated with me for a couple of different reasons. In a letter to Ellen Emerson (daughter of Ralph Waldo) Emma wrote:
Thank you very much for your kind, welcome letter---I am so glad you sent it just as you did, with the interrupted fragments on different dates, for it was especially pleasant to be reassured of your frequent thoughts of me. I think I require more expressions of friendship from those I care for than most people do---not from lack of confidence in their kindness or loyalty, but from my painful mistrust of my own capacity to inspire friendship.
I found it interesting that a person who appeared to exude great confidence remained, at heart, extremely insecure. Interesting, but not surprising! I am well aware that many people assume that I am very confident, and in some ways I am. I am confident in my Lord, in the salvation that I have obtained through Him, and of the beliefs that I have acquired from studying His Word. But I, too, am quite insecure in numerous ways and share Miss Lazarus’ “painful mistrust of my own capacity to inspire friendship,” despite the many wonderful friends that I appreciate and adore.
If you can discern the second reason which caused this quote to resonate in my heart, consider yourself one of my most beloved friends. (Hint: Those of you who knew me before the widespread use of e-mail when I wrote lengthy letters by hand, over the course of days, weeks, or even months.)
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