Life as a homeschooling mother of four is oftentimes overwhelming. Juggling the balls of Biblical instruction, character training, academics, family, home-making, wife-ing, and that four letter word "socialization" can threaten to undo me. Frequently, I have the feeling of a tight-rope walker, balancing spinning plates, fervently praying that I don't drop any. Over the years, I have learned valuable lessons about avoiding over-commiting, but as much as I try, it seems inevitable that I am found in situations where all the plates threaten to come falling on my head and send me tumbling into the depths.
I awake with the realization that I am, (gasp) double-booked! A panic attack threatens and I fight the urge to bury myself under my blanket. The sickening feeling in my stomach increases as I try to reconcile in my mind how to resolve this latest quandry, and then I am bombarded by all the other things that beg for my attention. The list is too long. I am pulled in too many directions. There are too many balls. I am dizzy from spinning plates. I can't do it anymore! Hot tears well in my eyes. A lump arises in my throat. The din of mechanical toys irritates like a dripping faucet. Repeated pleas for cookies test my self-control. I am caught in the vortex....
I lift my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my stregth, my hope comes from the LORD.
I am hard-pressed from every side but not crushed.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
Cast all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you.
He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Thee because he trusteth in Thee.
The anxiety subsides before the panic attack can take its hold. My circumstances have not changed, but I am renewed by the Truth that has been hidden in my heart. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I have not been released from the responsibilities, commitments, and obligations that stress me, but as I fix my eyes on Jesus, He will carry me through them. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize in our weakness. For He was tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin. He once walked on this earth, He understands the pressures and demands of life. Think of all the people who pressured Him and demanded things of Him. Think of the crowds. His response to the woman who touched His robe, the men who sent their friend down through the roof of the house. He did not respond in anger. Follow His example. Walk as He walked. Draw apart from the crowd and commune with the Father. The mind of man plans His way, but the LORD directs his steps. Allow Him to direct your steps, dear one. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. God is sovereign. He knows your needs. Do not be anxious saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink or with what shall we clothe ourselves, for your Heavenly Father knows all these things. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. You are His child, beloved of God. He will care for you. His grace is sufficient for you for power is perfected in weakness.
Grace and Peace. Give Him the plates. Surrender the balls to Him. Submit to His will for you today. Yield to His Lordship. Do not be anxious.
I am comforted.
Updated to add: Immediately after posting this entry, I lost my temper and yelled at the kids, reminding me of yet another verse. "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in the mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does." James 1:23-25
I am convicted! |
