For the Sake of the Call
Feb. 7, 2008 - A Hermit |
I just called a friend to cancel our Botany co-op.
She's sick, her kids are sick, my kids have been sick and they're still recovering.
I haven't gotten sick yet, but I'm drained from a week of being up through the night with sick kids.
It didn't make sense to meet.
Besides, I'm feeling grouchy and grumpy and like I could cry any minute.
Strike that, I am crying this minute.
I don't especially want anyone to come over...oh but I do.
I'm lonely and sad and desperately need a friend.
It's so easy for me to become a hermit. To get discouraged with life and crawl into my shell.
It's hard to keep making the effort. To keep reaching out.
It's easier to hibernate.
It's cold and dreary and I'm so tired.
I wish I could hibernate....oh but I don't.
I'm lonely and sad and desperately need a friend.
I appear so confident.
I appear to have so many friends.
Then people assume that I don't need their friendship.
They assume I have other friends, so they don't call, they don't write, they don't comment.
If only they realized how much I long to be friends with them.
I'm lonely and sad and I desperately need a friend.
I'm sure I'm the same way.
I assume people are too busy; I don't want to bother them with my phone calls.
Sometimes they are too busy!
I assume people have friends, and that they're all getting together to do all kinds of friend stuff together.
Maybe they aren't.
Maybe they're lonely like me.
In my sadness and desperation, I've been turning to the computer.
I try to think of clever things to say.
I try to write endearing posts, and leave encouraging comments in the hopes that people will reciprocate.
I pray that their comments will somehow fill the void.
And then few people comment.
It's just as discouraging as when I finally pick up the phone to call someone only to get their answering machine.
So I want to be even more of a hermit, to shut down the machine, and walk away...oh but I don't.
I'm just sad and lonely and desperately want a friend.
Even when you do leave comments, I want more.
It's not enough.
I want to dialogue and debate.
I want to know what you really think.
I want to make you laugh and cry all at the same time.
I want to spend hours with you!
Blogging is so unsatisfying.
It would be nice if the sun would come out.
It's not so easy to be a hermit on a warm spring day.
When kids aren't sick, and everyone is looking for an excuse to go outside.
Then I wouldn't have any excuse to cancel. |
| • Post A Comment! |
Feb. 7, 2008 - *sigh* |
| Posted by dh |
Are you wearing your Grumpy shirt again today? Or Eeyore?
Don't worry, I'll be your friend. |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Hi |
| Posted by AussieinAmerica |
I know exactly what you are saying! I just called my friend and got the answering machine :)
I truly hope your day gets better. The sun will come out soon.
Stacy
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by psalms16vs2 |
Oh, you could have written this for me. I can't believe how much I have felt (and truly are feeling) those same things. I want to meet with people, but everyone seems so busy. I want to do things, but it's so cold and snowy, there's nothing to do. I want to have friends over, but the fear of not acting 'right' in front of them keeps me from calling them. Fear is such an ugly thing in my life.
I loved the honesty in this post. I do wish I lived close to my many blog friends, then I could get together with them. But truly, it probably wouldn't happen much, you know, busy. I pray that the Lord comforts you today. I pray that He is the friend you need today. I pray you pour out her heart to Him today.
JoAnn |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
I commented on your blogspot blog.
Emily |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Dedee |
I swear I just wrote this post, didn't I? :)
It will get better. I think the winter blues are getting to us all.
How can I help? |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by imasharp |
I could have written that post. Just not as well as you did. I am so proud of you. I am sick and also have that "time" visiting. I have cried a couple of times today too. I wish there was an easy solution.
I can offer BIG HUGS!!! You aren't alone.
Christy |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Honeybee |
Do you see a pattern here?! We ALL have our times and they are NO fun. I swear to you, I almost ran away to your house last night. I would be on my way to your house right now if we had two cars. I hope you call me back after you eat.
I LOVE YOU!! BIGG HUGGGS! |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| I SO know how you feel!! I swear, I haven't made one deep friendship in 20 years - couldn't even begin to tell you the number of tears I've cried over that! Haven't made a deep, real friend since my days in our old Singles Ministry where I met my DH. It was different then (I guess?! or so they say?!). You know, the kind of friends where they can come over with you still in your PJ's, shovel off a spot on the couch (either that or they can sit on the floor!) and just be with each other. You know their dirt and they know yours. And you love each other anyway. Unfortunately, I take a long time to get to know. I wish I didn't! Everybody is busy. And it feels like nobody cares. People say "when their kids are grown and gone, then people will have time (for you)". That seems so unfair! And seems like so many wasted years. (part of me feels like "well, then forget it! If they don't have time for me now, I don't want to make time for them then" - see how mature I can be?) I mean, don't I have any value other than being someone's mom? Doesn't anyone want to get to know ME!? To know who I am as a person? Maybe I need a new church home (ok, now I'm not so 'anonymous' to some of you anymore). haha |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
| LOL on your first response here. At first I was thinking "oh my, how dare someone kick her when she's down". Then I saw it was your DH. LOL! They're allowed to say those things. And how sweet is that for him to say "I'll be your friend". I thought the same thing when he started a blog for you. I know Kenny would go to the ends of the earth for me but the poor guy hates turning on a computer. (opposites attract!!!??) Happiness really is being married to your best friend! Glad I'm married to mine. But I could use another (friend, not DH). tee hee Just like your post. |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - If only we were closer! |
| Posted by Jennifer Smith |
| I would have brought you a frosty!!! |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
Just so you know, YOU were the high point in my day today. Love you!
Cindy |
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Feb. 7, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by drewsfamilytx |
I think all of your comments show that you are definitely not alone in your feelings!
Although you may have tried many times already, I encourage you to be that friend to somebody. Be friendly and invite people over or to the park or call them out of the blue to chit-chat... and don't worry a single bit about what they might think! If you don't worry about what they think of you (or what you said or did), then they won't worry about what YOU think of THEM.
Kinda like when you see someone do something totally embarrassing. If they laugh, brush it off and move on-- EVERYONE is okay. But if they are embarrassed, then everyone is embarrassed for them out of complete empathy!
I am blessed to have one dear friend that keep me straight, tells me like it is, has seen the best and worst in me-- and still wants to be my friend! Sometimes you have to show the good and bad of yourself to figure out who your real friends are.
It's not easy being friendly, especially when you've got the blues or blahs! But the payoff is priceless.
Hang in there, okay? In the meantime, you can add me to your long list of friends! And IM or e-mail me if you want to chat or are just bored or want to vent. Most likely, I've been there done that... and hey, *you* can be that friend to me too!
Love ya,
Marsha |
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Feb. 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
Awwww.. how easily I can relate :) Is your husband a pastor? :) The only reason why I ask is because people assume a lot about us pastor's wives -- that they are busy (and we are), that we have lots of friends (but how many, truly). So your post really caught my eye. Sometimes people are just flaky and I mean that in the kindest of ways :)
I didn't read your whole blog yet but I wondered what happened after your conviction re: your blog. I was very impressed by that.
Anyway, I hope that your spirit is soothed by the Lifter of our heads. Many blessings to you.
Patty - www.graceandemilyschool.blogspot.com |
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Feb. 8, 2008 - Hee Hee |
| Posted by proudmommaof3 |
That is cute. Sounds like you need to go serve someone! That will up your mood, pull you out of your selfish tale of woe. :)
So, jump on over to my blog,
scroll down to the second post,
click on the link to Dobson's site
and pledge that you will be
a Value Voter come fall.
Then spread the word far and wide,
1,000,000 pledges he is seeking,
to inform the "world" that,
we believe in the sanctity of life,
we stand for one-man, one-woman marriage,
and In God We Will and Do Trust!
Don't forget to leave a comment,
you know we all love them so.
I have to admit, your blog was an inspiration to me!
Thank You!
Edited by proudmommaof3 on Feb. 8, 2008 at 1:23 AM |
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Feb. 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Daisy |
| Hope today is going better. Wish we lived closer, so we could get together, but since we don't feel free to call-- I can always use a distractions from the grind. |
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Feb. 8, 2008 - Praying |
| Posted by bubbebobbie |
Lord Jesus,
My friend in my computer needs a friend with flesh on. One that is close enough to give her more than a cyber ((hug)). The words she uses lonely, desperate are sad words. Please bring new words to her day; joy and laughter perhaps.
Someone in her church is lonely and desperate too. Help them find friendship in each other as she reaches out to her. I know You will show her the friend that needs her Lord. You always do.
Because of Jesus, Bobbie |
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Feb. 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by Anonymous |
Does it help to know you are not alone? That you are not the only one who has cried today? In some small way, I think it does...it did for me anyway.
Blogging has a funny way of leaving us feeling a bit unfullfilled at times because we can't sit down with you in real life. Despite how you are feeling now, you do need someone to come over and eat ice cream with you today. Too bad I'm so far away. I would certainly volunteer. We could laugh and cry together.
Hang in there.
Angela
http://www.the-potters-hand@blogspot.com |
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Feb. 10, 2008 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by CountryMomof4 |
| I had a day JUST like this one yesterday. Oh boy, was I a basket case. I cried to my mom, to my husband, to God. Yet today, the sun is out, and the winter blues are fading. I get it. ~K |
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About Me
Philosophical musings from the heart of a home-educating mommy of four and wife of ten years.
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer." Psalms 19:14
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