A few posts ago, I mentioned the word diet. I'd fully intended to begin a diet this week. I didn't. I need to. I hate it. The excess baby weight after four kids has lingered even though my baby is now 5 1/2. I'm disgusted by the inner tube/muffin top, and struggle with insecurity as a result. I don't know if it makes any sense at all, but somehow the extra weight feels immodest even. I don't know if I can explain it, except that I'm paranoid that it draws attention to parts of my body that I prefer would be unnoticed. Even my feet look fat. It's been bothering me more and more over the course of the past several months, and I need to do something about it.


The challenge is that I'm afraid of diets. My struggle in the past with border-line anorexia compels me to avoid dieting at all costs. I don't want to count calories or fat-calories or figure out correct portion sizes or watch my weight or any of that stuff. I know how obsessed I was with that in the past and I just don't want to go there again. Sigh.
Another part of the problem is that I don't know that I have really overcome this struggle. I still skip meals, I still have an unhealthy view of what my ideal weight should be, I still struggle with contentment with the way my body is, and I'm not sure I'd be content even if I were 20 pounds lighter.


So how does a person who truly needs to lose some weight, but has struggled with border-line anorexia in the past and still continues to do so even though it doesn't look like it externally, lose weight in a healthy manner? I don't know. If anyone can enlighten me, I'd really appreciate it. I do have a few ideas of how to start though, and I guess I'll just have to see how they work.

• No fad diets: I haven't read and don't plan to read any South Beach or Atkins or Mediterranean or French (although that one sounds intriguing) or _________ books. No diet pills, no Slim-fast, and NO cabbage soup diets either!


• Eat more: All the seasoned experts say that you need to eat less and exercise more, but the fact is that I don't eat enough and my metabolism has shut down. I need to eat more consistently throughout the day. I especially need to eat breakfast first thing in the morning!!!


• Eat less: I know I just said I need to eat more, but I also need to eat less when I do eat: one half a chicken breast for dinner not a whole, no seconds, try to watch portion sizes at dinner, don't eat half the chocolate chip cookies myself, eat something for breakfast other than chocolate cake.


• Exercise: working in the garden and chasing after the kids just don't cut it. I need real exercise. I hope to get up early and ride my bike before it gets too hot, do Pilates (hopefully 3 times a week) with workout tapes in the basement, and ride my bike to play tennis with my family in the evenings (1-2 times a week?)


• Eat more raw foods: I stocked up at the farmer's market and the grocery produce section this morning. Salads, fruit, fresh (local) veggies...now I just need to eat them myself and not just feed them to the kids!


• Whole grains: I've been adding whole grains to our diet for over a year, so this isn't anything different, I'll just continue to enjoy them.


• Nothing radical: I'm not going to eliminate sugar completely or high fat foods. I won't eat diet or lite or low-fat anything. Instead, I'm focusing on moderation, self control, and enjoying certain foods as special treats, not everyday occurrences.


• Prayer & Scripture Memory: The fruit of the Spirit is self-control. Gluttony is a sin. I need to yield to the Holy Spirit in this area of my life, surrender to Jesus, and allow God to be victorious. In my weakness, His strength is made manifest.


• Blogging: I've never been thrilled when people post about diets, but I think it would be good for me to record what I eat and how much I exercise to hold myself accountable. Since I hope to do this daily, I'm going to use my old blog as a place to record my progress. If you're interested in keeping up with me, encouraging me, or holding me accountable, you can follow my progress here. It will not hurt my feelings a bit if you don't really care. ;)

Those are my ideas. We'll see how it goes. I still don't own a scale, so I'm not going to be able to obsess over how much weight I've lost. Instead, I'll just have to judge how I'm doing by how my clothes fit and how I feel physically.

Do you have any suggestions? What's worked for you when it comes to losing weight or eliminating the muffin top?

Grace and Peace,

Angel