I started this day, planning to participate in "A Mother's T.R.E.K. (Totally Random Events with Kids)" I had great expectations of all the fun random things we would do today celebrating life, in recognition of how fragile it is. We got off to a late start, but I sat down with the kids at breakfast and talked to them again about Missey's death and briefly informed them that this would be a "fun" day. Very soon after, discipline issues with my ds put a damper on our plans. We managed to enjoy the day to an extent, doing some things that we normally don't do--painting, dinner at Dairy Queen-- but it just wasn't the fabulous, fun day that I anticipated.
As I considered my disappointment, a few things occured to me about why we home-educate our kids in the first place. I am a quantity time person. Parents who choose to send their children to school lose the quantity time and are faced with the challenge of making quality time of the small amount that remains. I would not do well with that. In a nutshell, there are too many things that I want to do with and teach my kids, and that I believe God wants me to do with and teach my kids than can be accomplished in the "left-overs." So, I enjoy the quantity of time that I have with my kids and in it experience quality time. Every moment is not quality. We all have our ups and downs, we have our mundane moments, our challenges, but we DO experience true quality time that is not forced, but occurs naturally as we spend time together as a family.
Today, seemed forced to me. In deliberately recognizing that this day could be my last, I wanted it to be fabulous and I tried to force that to happen. Perhaps other moms were able to experience that amazing day, but I had a day filled with discipline issues, clashing with my husband (who I adore and with whom I rarely clash), and fighting a strong-willed, over-tired, 3 year old to remove a splinter. Frankly, these things come with the territory of being a mom! In appreciating my life as a mother, I must appreciate the opportunity to remove splinters, encourage change in sinful hearts, and lovingly become more like-minded with my spouse. It may not "fill their love-tanks," but it is showing agape love to them.
This is my trek.
Although, it was not what I anticipated, it was a wonderful day of confirmation and acceptance of my purpose here at this moment. And in the end, I enjoyed a sweet time of reading to my kids and having that strong-willed, over-tired, three year old, fall asleep beside me. This was an encouragement after our not so fabulous day together.
God is good!
In addition, one aspect of my T.R.E.K., which still holds promise, is that I planned to spend extra time each night with one child, after the others have been tucked into bed. Tonight, I selected 2DD6 to stay up. After playing BLINK twice, she asked if we could fold laundry together. WHAT?!? Did I already say, "God is good!"?
So, that's what we did and then I prayed with her, for her, for her future husband and kids, for her heart to be devoted to Jesus...It was a joy to spend time with my dd folding laundry and in prayer.
I pray that God would give me more time with these dear children and that this was not my last day with them. But even if it is, I know in my heart that I have spent enough quantity time with them over these short years to have left a quality impression on their hearts and lives upon which God will continue to build. I praise the Lord for that!
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