A Day in the Life

Loneliness

12:27 PM, May. 23, 2008 .. 3 comments .. Link

Let me tell you about loneliness. You can be in a group of people and feel connected to no one. You feel different from everyone else. You look at people who are friends and desperately want that. You want the ease of conversation and the elegance of camaraderie. You want the assurance that comes from belonging. I don't belong anywhere.

I didn't chose to be a screw up. I didn't wake up and say I want to feel out of place in every facet of my life. I don't want to be fat, ugly, cumbersome, tongue-tied, always saying the wrong thing. I am an embarrassment even to myself.

I know the right way of things. I know how to be a good hostess, being witty and friendly. The how never comes through to the actions. I always seem pathetic. I am worthy only of pity.

I am unliked even in my family. They have close relationships. They have get togethers while I am avoided. Everyone jokes about the difficult family members. The people you make fun of and laugh at. Well, what happens when you are that person? How do you change? I don't want to be perceived this way. In my minds eye I am completely different.

I just finished writing a piece that seemed with out hope. It seems I forgot that I am a child of God. I need to look to Him for the strength I nee to get through each day. If I am worthy enough to be saved I am of value. It is wrong to devalue myself to the point of feeling worthless.

Maybe those of you who are children of God and don't have self esteem problems could consider this. There are people like me out there, damaged people. They sit right next to you in a church service. They work along side of you. you can help the person who seems a little bit off. The person you normally would avoid, laugh at, brush off. Give that person some of your time. Pray for them, make them feel wanted. Not everyone has it all together- the look, the ease, the supportive family and friends that you do. Broken people can be healed. It is true that it is through the cracks we see the Light.

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Hi

1:34 PM, Jun. 28, 2008 .. Posted by Kinley
I found your blog while I was blog hopping. I can totally identify with this post. I hope you will come visit my blog and we can get to know each other.

Kristy

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4:45 PM, Jul. 17, 2008 .. Posted by Kinley
Hello,

I was just checking to see if you'd added any new posts. I hope things are well your way.

Take care,
Kristy

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9:06 PM, Nov. 26, 2008 .. Posted by MiikoGibson
I want you to know I just read all your three entries...and I was deeply touched by them all. It helps me so much to know that since God is perfect, His creation, His works and His will are perfect. He never made or will make a mistake. And we can hence trust Him fully, implicitly. We don't understand, we never will on this side of Heaven, but we can still trust Him. And He is also working in us. Continually. The perfect God is doing a perfect work in us to make us perfect...Philippians 1:6. Happy Thanksgiving! Your new friend (here and FB :)