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Jun. 8, 2009
Join in 30 days of prayer for your husband
Feb. 11, 2009
"15 Minutes to A Better Homeschool Marriage" free download
Feb. 5, 2009
Blessing Our Husbands With A Clean Home
Have you ever asked your husband what is most important to him, to feel like the house is clean? You should, because you might be focusing on your pet peeves, and ignoring his.
It took me several years before I realized that my husband's priorities are not the same as mine in a clean house. For instance, he wants an empty sink. I want cleared counters. I would be putting all the dishes in the sink so the counters weren't piled up. That made me feel better while waiting to fill the dishwasher. It gave me room to work as I cooked supper and filled plates for the kids. But when my husband came home, he felt like the house was dirty because he couldn't access the sinks. He'd huff and pile stuff on the counters to empty out the sinks.
I finally realized his preference and began to pile things neatly on the counters, as well. Trying hard to not let the pile get too big, because then it bothered me greatly. Now obviously, it's just best to wash the dishes quickly and not have a pile to move around. But with 8 people eating meals 3 times a day, that's a lot of dishes, and there's schoolwork, childcare, and other chores to do as well. Sometimes we only have time to quickly empty the sinks before he's home. But just doing that improves how he views the home when he gets home.
Thankfully, having cleared floors is important to both of us, as well. Neither one of us likes to step on or over toys as we walk. But Steve feels very strongly about having vacuumed floors, especially in the rooms where he is barefoot (the bathroom and our bedroom). He can ignore a ton of clutter as long as the floor is picked up and vacuumed.
It's hard to homeschool and keep a spotless house all the time. It's especially hard if you have preschoolers, toddlers, and babies in addition to your students. But if you ask your husband, "What 3 things are most important to you in a clean home" you'll have the top 3 priorities to focus on.
For your husband, it could be a clean toilet, plenty of underwear in his drawer, and a cleared dining room table that doesn't still have schoolbooks on it. Or it might be a spotless entry room, a clean stovetop, and well-ironed clothes. If your husband is focused on the toilet, but your focus is entirely the kitchen, you're both going to be frustrated.
So go ahead, ask him what his priorities are. Then set out to bless him by meeting those priorities for him. Look at the house through his eyes.
Trusting in Him,
April
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Feb. 5, 2009
Blessing Our Husbands This Valentine's Day
As homeschool moms, there is as much pressure as if we were career moms. Perhaps more since we are with our family 24 hours a day, on call at all times. Our career is homeschooling our children, and we get burnt out easily. When we're stressed and burnt out, we often don't pour enough energy into our marriages and our husband's needs.
Likewise, husbands often face the burden of providing for their families on one income, or taking on a second job to provide. They're tired and stressed, as well. When they come home, they sometimes find a grouchy wife and another "To Do" list ... which can discourage them even further.
So let's lift each other up in prayer, for strong marriages that will be a light to the world around us. Let's honor our husbands and praise them publicly, which will be a light to the world around us, as well. Let's pray that we are able to lean on God for the strength to pour out even more love and service than we could in our own strength.
And if it helps, here are some links to some great resources to help us commit to pray for our husbands daily, and specific ways to pray each day of the month.
This link has several different pdf documents to help us pray for our husbands, and please them. This was a challenge a couple years ago, but the links are still helpful and active. Print the PDF documents and reuse them as often as you like. I'm going to re-do the 30 day challenge to pray for my own husband. http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SHMILYtime/185025/
Actually, this entire SHMILY Time blog is about loving our husbands. SHMILY stands for "See How Much I Love You". http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SHMILYtime
The blog hasn't been updated in awhile, but there is still great information there to encourage you in your marriage. I just discovered this 30-Week Husband Encouragement Challenge there that I'd never seen before. I saved it to work through, as well. http://www.acleanheart.com/30WeekHECBooklet.pdf
This seems to include several of the pdf's from the previous link, along with some additional information.
Living On A Dime is also giving away a free Valentine's Day e-book. I'm not sure how long it will be available, but you can find it right now at http://www.livingonadime.com/ebooks/valentinespr.html.
I know many have been blessed lately by the movie Fireproof and The Love Dare book. But the links shared above are totally free and very helpful.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Trusting in Him,
April
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Aug. 14, 2008
Hooray for my husband!!
My handsome hunk of a husband fixed my shower! He first replaced the stems and washers in my shower faucet handles, and the shower head, to stop the dripping leak. He did that on Tuesday night. Then we attempted to snake out the clogged shower drain Tuesday night, without success. We decided that we needed to cut off the cast iron S-trap drain so we could reach the clog. Then we'd replace the S-trap with a PVC S-trap.
So last night we started that job at 9:30 pm. Not the best time to start, but Steve has other commitments this weekend and really needed to finish this last night. The sawing was hard work, because he was working above his head and needed to put heavy pressure on the reciprocating saw to keep it cutting through the pipe.
Thick dark water sprayed out as he worked, and spilled out when the S-trap came off. Yuck! Then we started snaking out the remaining cast iron pipe. Messy, nasty, wet job. And it took so long to break up all the rust clogging the pipe. We had kids start getting ready for bed while we were working, shortly after 10 pm. At midnight, we finally had good water flow through the pipe, and had removed rust, a giant hairball, and some plastic labels from liquid soap bottles. Our drain cover is not secured in place, and I guess kids let labels go down the drain when it was uncovered, at some point.
We took a break to tuck the kids into bed and went back down to rinse the pipe out some more, and then begin gluing our PVC S-trap together and securing it to the cast iron pipes. It was 1 am when we finally came upstairs and were able to get showers. But it works perfectly now! At last!! We put a hair catching filter under the drain cover, and will be securing it in place to prevent hair and labels from going down again.
And my amateur-plumbing husband has the supplies to fix my running toilet tonight, too. So, by tonight, I should have my bathroom working properly again!
Trusting in Him,
April
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May. 9, 2008
Our 14th Anniversary is Coming
Next week, Steve and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary. Today we received a gift in the mail. It's another Willow Tree angel for my small Willow Tree collection. It's my 7th Willow Tree figurine, I think. One we bought ourselves when we were expecting our 6th child, one my sisters gave me, four I gained from freecycle, and now this gift.
We received the Angel of the Garden, and the inscription that goes with it says "bringing forth a garden of love and beauty."
I hope, and pray, that we are bringing forth a garden of love and beauty in our family, our marriage, our children, as well as our land. I thought it was a lovely reminder of our goals for our family, and my purpose as a wife and mother.
Trusting in Him,
April
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Dec. 21, 2007
Husbands, and hair
I trimmed my hair yesterday. It was full of split ends, and Steve and I had agreed it needed to be trimmed. He was going to trim it straight across for me, sometime. Yesterday, I just took matters into my own hand.
I pulled half over each shoulder and trimmed it. That created a U shape, but in my attempt to even out the U-shape a bit, and emphasize it, I ended up with a deep V-shape. Well, I didn't want that, so I had to trim it some more to get it back to a U-shape.
In the end, my 1.5 - 2 inch trim turned into a 3-4 inch trim. I jokingly told someone that if I took out the trash, so that my hair wasn't staring Steve in the face, he wouldn't even notice I trimmed it. In the past, he hasn't noticed until he saw it in the trash.
I didn't take out the trash, but I threw things away on top of my hair, so it was hidden. Sure enough, he didn't notice my trim. I'm not going to tell him, either. I'm going to wait until he notices. Of course, the kids might tell him sometime. We'll have to see.
Aren't men funny? If I'd told him I wanted to cut 4 inches off my hair, he would have said "No!" But when I accidentally do it, he doesn't even notice.
Blessings,
April
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Sep. 13, 2007
Knowing when to give counsel and when to be quiet
In the recent weeks of making decisions about moving and Steve taking the new job, I realized how much strength and power my words had. As Steve struggled with the decision, I saw the things I said leading him one way or the other. When he doubted, I'd just build up his resolve again.
But then I wondered, what if I'm wrong? What if the choice that seems obvious to me is the wrong choice? I don't want to push Steve into making the decision that I want. I want him to make his own decision, and hear God's voice, not mine.
So I stepped back, and tried to say less, listen more, ask careful questions, and pray. I prayed that God would guide Steve, and Steve would follow His leading.
I waited, and listened to his back and forth conversations. We'd fall asleep with him saying one thing, but the next morning he'd seem firm in the other direction. I continued to wait and trust and tried not to let my own discomfort over not knowing begin to push Steve again. Steve became frustrated by me not wanting to offer my thoughts and opinions, so I tried to carefully share them without pushing him one way or the other.
Even now, he's still wondering if he made the right decision, and if there's time to change it. Last night I was trying to encourage him to stick to his decision and dissuade him from back-tracking. Then I realized I was doing it again ... pushing him to do what I thought he should do.
I don't want this change to be based on my thoughts and desires ... but on God's leading of Steve. I don't want to push our family in the wrong direction. So I strive to find the balance between offering wise counsel when my husband asks for it, without pressuring him to do it my way. Offering my thoughts in a way that still leaves the leading to him.
A woman could push or pull her husband in the guise of wise counsel, and many do, I'm sure. Subtly leading their husband by pushing them toward one decision or another. I've discovered this can happen even in well-meaning situations.
Submission isn't just following your husband's lead, it's also letting him make the decisions in the first place, and trusting him to make the right decision. It's learning to wait quietly, without impatience. It's self-control.
Blessings,
April
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Sep. 2, 2006
September Challenge for Wives
Don't forget to join in the September Challenge to pray for our husbands and encourage them. Click on this link to visit the SHMILY Time Blog to read more about it.
I'm going to extend this challenge, by also praying daily for my children and encouraging my children to pray for their Daddy, too.
Yes, I confess that this is an area I've been weak in.
I am excited to think of the blessing this will be in my marriage, and other Christian marriages. And I know it will be a growing point in my own life and ministry as a wife and mother.
Hopefully it will be a blessing for you, your husband, and your marriage, too.
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Aug. 18, 2006
30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives
Revive Our Hearts is challenging us wives to spend the month of September encouraging our husbands, praying for them, and blessing them through our words and actions.
You can read about it, and find links for materials to help you in this goal, at the S.H.M.I.L.Y. Time Blog by Amy.
I am going to take this challenge and make it my goal for the next month. I have an awesome amazing husband, who I love dearly. I know that I do not praise him or encourage him enough. And I also know that right now, he can really use that prayer and encouragement.
Monday morning, I'm having hernia surgery. And my wonderful husband will be taking time off from work to stay home to care for me and the children as I recover, just as he did when I had Baby L. He will be blessing us through his actions. He loves us all, works hard for us all, and is a servant leader to our family. I'm so glad he chose me for his wife.
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Jun. 23, 2006
Missing my other half ...
It's amazing to me how easy it is to take someone for granted. I've taken for granted the strength and peace I gain from my husband's presence. I've taken for granted the steadiness he brings to our household. I've taken for granted his companionship and the comfort of his touch.
I miss my best friend. I miss him so very much.
I have not handled things well these past few days. The mornings start out well. The afternoons get tough. By supper, I'm dragging myself up and forcing myself to go through the motions. By evening, I'm speaking through gritted teeth. By bedtime, I have no shred of patience or energy left and the mean old MONSTER MOM comes out ... stomping around, barking orders, demanding obedience and calm NOW.
Usually, when I'm getting to the ends of my reserves, my husband comes home. The children vie for his attention. He hugs me. He is the extra hands or voice when I can't get to a child that's needing me. He's the extra voice of authority helping to herd the naughty sheep to bed. He's the reassuring calming voice of admiration and praise when I'm trying to soothe a colicky baby or satisfy a clingy toddler's needs and I'm already feeling "touched out".
And he's not here. He hasn't been here for several days. And I wonder how single parents do it day in and day out. How do they keep going day after day without giving into depression or anger? How do they stay calm and loving? How do Moms whose husbands travel regularly do this? It must take practice, or something.
I am reminded again how much I need my husband. How God designed us to work together as a team. How God has made us One. If I were to lose him, I don't know how I would go on. I'd have to ... but I know it would not be a very pretty sight. Not at all.
The past few days have not been pretty. As I tucked my children in tonight, I apologized for my lack of patience and yelling. I tried to explain that when Baby L is screaming, and the TV is on, and they are running around and talking loudly ... it's just too much for Mommy right now.
He's on his way home now. As much as I miss him and long for his return, I told him not to try to drive through the night. I need him to come home safely, even if it means waiting longer to see him. Because I need him to be here with me for a very long time. I need him to help me raise our children. I need his companionship and strength.
We all need him.
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Jun. 2, 2006
Living with a "Keeper" part 2
I decided I needed to share why I posted my previous entry today. I've been sinking into a negative rut lately. With 2 higher-need nurslings (2 mo and 2 yo) I'm not getting as much of my own work done. So, I'm frustrated with the state of my home right now. And when I let my own work fall behind, I find it harder to overlook areas that are my husband's domain.
I was becoming negative about the clutter, about my husband, and about my home. I was not being thankful. Nothing had really changed, except my own attitude. I was getting tempted to stomp around, dropping hints about the mess. I was tempted to start sneaking things into the trash again. I was letting my pride keep us from entertaining others. And I was feeding my own discontentment by allowing myself to procrastinate too much when I did have free moments. There's a fine line between taking care of yourself (not pushing too much) and indulging yourself too much. I think I crossed into over-indulgence in the past month. I was wallowing.
One of my goals for this summer, is to get the children and I back into a good pattern of home-making. They and I need to practice diligence again and not procrastinating. We need to rediscover the joy of keeping the house neat. And I need to train them all to take on new chores and pass down old chores, so we can all share the load better.
When I take care of my part of the house and mess better, I have more patience with the stuff my husband keeps, and with the fullness of our small house.
Now, that I've really confessed, I need to finish cleaning house for tomorrow's birthday party for C's 7th birthday.
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Jun. 2, 2006
Living with a "Keeper"
My husband is a "Keeper". He likes to keep stuff. That is the most basic and kind way I can put it. I do not want to use terms like pack-rat, clutterbug, etc. because I do not want this post to be negative.
But I do want to share about how a wife can honor her husband and his desires, while still trying to keep a clean home. It is a fine line. So many blogs and books written to Christian women will encourage decluttering the home and organizing the home. But if you are married to a "Keeper" this can cause stress in your marriage.
Early in my marriage, I did not respect my "Keeper's" desires. I did not respect his belongings and his piles. I did not respect his feelings on the subject. I threw away his things. I rearranged his piles. I argued with him and put him down for not letting me clean things up. I cried and manipulated him by telling him how I felt about his piles. I put what I thought others were thinking of me and our home above my husband's feelings. Because of my wrong-handling of these issues, my husband lost trust in me. He does not trust me to handle his things respectfully anymore.
This is a sad fact that I now have to live with. I refuse to further damage that trust. I will not take any advice that has me secretly throwing things away. I will not listen to any advice that has me giving my husband "deadlines" and "ultimatums" for cleaning up his own things. I am not his mother. I am not his boss. This house is his home, his refuge, his castle. It can not be a refuge to him if everytime he is here, he has to listen to me nagging about things.
So, what do I do? I try to keep the things confined to certain areas. I give him organizational tools for organizing his stuff. I keep the areas of the home that I can control clean, to the best of my ability. I practice patience when things don't get taken care of on my timeline. I practice selflessness as I learn to overlook piles. I learn humility as I push my pridefulness aside. I will not let a pile of mail or newspapers become a mountain in our marriage. I will not let my reaction to them cause a wall in our relationship. I focus on my husband's good qualities and practice thankfulness for all he does for me and our family.
People before things. I have to remind myself of that all the time. My husband's feelings and desires are more important than having an ideally beautiful and organized home. My children's feelings are more important than whatever item was damaged. Spending time with my family is more important than having that magazine-beautiful home. My relationship with my husband is more important than being clutter-free.
I have lost that perspective in the past. I've jumped on the decluttering bandwagon (which is not a bad thing in itself) and tried to drum it into my husband's head. I tried to change him to fit my desires. I even tried to explain to him why he was the way he was, and why that needed to change.
I still struggle with this at times. When I read of others who are successfully decluttering their homes, I am sometimes jealous. I find myself losing my focus and becoming negative about my "Keeper". I forget that my "Keeper" is a "keeper" in more than one way. He has many good qualities that far outweigh this issue. And it's wrong of me to focus on this one issue, and forget to be thankful for his many other wonderful qualities.
And when I am in a negative rut, I just think back to the times my Dad rebuilt a car engine in the master bedroom, or an entire motorcycle in the living room. I may have mail piles and newspaper piles in my kitchen and living room. I may have an air compressor in my dining room, sitting by the back door. I may have extra printers and computer parts stored in the bedrooms. But, at least I don't have a greasy engine or motorcycle in my house.
It also helps to think of all the faults my husband overlooks in me. Does he say anything when I take a day off to read a book? Does he say anything when I let the clean laundry pile up for 2 days before I fold it? Does he lecture me when the dishwasher needs emptied so the dirty dishes piled up in the sink can be placed in it? No, he might even jump in and load the dishwasher for me. He's definitely a "keeper", for all he puts up with in me!!
Perhaps I am speaking only to myself. But, hopefully this will be helpful to someone else out there that is married to a "Keeper". It isn't wrong to strive for a clean and organized home, but don't let it come between your "Keeper" husband and yourself. Love your "Keeper", be kind to him, and be submissive to him. Work *with* him, not against him. Remember all the good things that make him a "keeper", not just the negative sides of him being a "Keeper."
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5
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Jun. 2, 2006
Dance with your own husband ...
My friend OreoSouza is at it again. I'm so glad she's posting again, as she so often encourages me or inspires me. She has posted several posts about "dancing with your own husband". I've known her online for 6 - 6.5 years, I think. Long enough to share our hearts with each other, and to value her wisdom. I have always loved what she has to say about marriage. My Steve is very different from her Tim. Our marriages look quite different, but she always encourages me to learn to dance with my Steve. Her June 1 and 2, 2006 entries are the ones I'm referring to.
Our mutual friend Lynn recently was sharing this same analogy with her 16 yo daughter. It's one that I will share with my daughters as they mature, as well. Lynn's Harold and my Steve are a bit alike, but our marriages are still different. Even with somewhat similar husbands, we still have to learn to dance our own dances.
The three of us have another friend who once shared a wonderful post with us about submission ... also related to the individuality of each marriage, and of our husbands. She has promised me she's going to start a blog soon and it will be one of her first posts. When she does, I will link y'all to it. It has blessed me and others over the years since she wrote it. And I know it will bless y'all, as well. I sure wish I lived next door to these wonderful women, but I'm so glad God brought us together via the internet.
(Now I have to go and poke that friend and let her know I'm already putting out teasers for that blog she promised to start. Ha Ha!! It's all a part of my secret plan.)
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Apr. 14, 2006
I'm feeling jealous!!
My friend, OreoSouza, just returned from a vacation. Now, I've been on enough vacations, that I am not going to buy her Jane Austen typewriter. I do not envy the unpacking work (and laundry and cleaning) that she has ahead of her. However, I am envious of the fact that her sweet DH bought her a bunch of new granola dresses that she loves and are just her style.
(I wonder if she'll stop into my blog and even see this. I'd link to her blog, but for some reason I can't get links to work on my blog. I have no idea why. But her blog is linked in my list of friends to the right.) EDITED to add: thanks to my friend Brenda, I can do links now!!
You see, my sweet husband tried to buy me new dresses from a thrift store the other night. He'd wandered in to donate some computer stuff, only to discover they were having a clearance sale since they're closing. SO he called to find out my dress size. I told him my size, but reminded him I needed to be able to nurse in it. He said he'd pick up a few things, and since they were only $1 each, I could just redonate what I didn't want.
Hmm. Well, he came home with a fitted denim jumper in the right size, but it was too tight for my taste, especially in the chest. And it buttoned down ONE side ... not exactly nursing-friendly.
He also brought home a skirt. The length was okay ... could have been an inch or two longer. The fit was fine, thanks to an elastic waist. The fabric was a bit dressy for everyday wear -- but the print left something to be desired. It's just not me. Tan and navy somewhat large houndstooth ... all over. It looks rather busy. Now if he'd brought me a brightly colored large floral print, I'd wear it. That is my type of busy!! But somewhat too large houndstooth, especially with tan in it, does not appeal to me. If it were navy and white, it'd be tolerable, but navy and tan? Hmmm.
And then he brought me a white t-shirt since I'd told him my summer tops need replaced and updated. I especially need dressy shirts for church to wear with my nicer skirts. The t-shirt was in good shape, and it was the right size, but I had immediate doubts about its length. It seemed to be only waist length, and at my age after having 6 children, I prefer not to raise my arm and reveal my waist. But when I tried it on, I found an even bigger problem!!!
It was made from that new spandex/cotton blend. So it was very form-fitting. Now, I don't really ever like to wear form-fitting tops, but especially not when nursing a little one ... let alone two children. To make matters even worse, it had a DEEEEPPPP V-neck that bulged open into more of a U-neck when stretched across my chest. If it were just a deep V-neck, I could maybe pin it closed a bit so it wouldn't gape open when I leaned forward. But there's no pinning shut a bulging U-neck.
This shirt just screamed ... "LOOK AT MY CHEST!!" I laughed and came out to show my children and husband why I could not wear this shirt. My children, especially my oldest girls, were surprised and rather giggly about it. They'd never seen Mommy in such a thing. And thankfully, my husband prefers me modestly dressed and would not want anyone else to see me in this shirt, either. So, there was no arguments from him at all. Although he did tease me about rejecting such a nice modern stylish shirt.
Ahh, poor sweet man! He really did try to bring me some new clothes. I feel guilty for wanting to get rid of all 3 items. I may keep the skirt as a guilt-offering for awhile, at least. Maybe I'll wear it once or twice at home when we're not expecting any company.
And I'll show my gratitude for his sweet gesture, by NOT telling you about the shirt he brought home for himself. I washed it, but I'm still hoping to persuade him NOT to wear it!
DISCLAIMER: We often shop at thrift stores and usually find nice things. This pregnancy, I bought two new pair of flannel pajamas, a new nursing shirt, and two new skirts. All five items still had store tags on them -- never even worn. And I also gained several nice modern maternity tops from the same thrift store during the pregnancy. It was wonderful to have new items to wear. However, this time, Steve's foray into thrift store shopping was a bust!
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Feb. 14, 2006
Blessed with Love
I know I'm blessed.
I'm blessed to have a loving husband who comes home to his family every night.
I'm blessed to have a hard-working husband who doesn't complain about his long days.
I'm blessed to have a husband who still finds me attractive after nearly 12 years of marriage and 6 pregnancies.
I'm blessed to have a husband who believes in homeschooling and wants his wife to be home with his children.
I'm blessed to have a husband who enjoys spending time with his children and is even willing to change cloth diapers (most of the time).
I'm blessed to have a husband who loves me despite my many (and sometimes glaring) faults.
I'm blessed to have a husband who makes me laugh.
I'm blessed to have a husband who thinks I'm cute when I'm angry.
I'm blessed to have a husband who will help me fold laundry or load the dishwasher if he sees I've fallen behind.
I'm blessed to have a husband who wants the best for his family.
I'm blessed to have a husband who is proud of his family heritage and wants to pass it on to his children.
I'm blessed to have a husband with beautiful green eyes that I never tire of looking into.
I'm blessed to have a husband who spoils me.
I'm blessed to have a husband who leads his family spiritually.
I'm blessed to have a husband with integrity.
I'm blessed to have a husband who is faithful in many many ways.
I'm blessed to have a husband who is patient and steady.
I'm blessed to have a husband who will massage his pregnant wife's feet and back without ever being asked.
I'm blessed to have a husband who cries when his babies are born.
I'm blessed to have a husband who keeps things in perspective for me.
I'm blessed to have a husband who steadies me and our home.
I'm blessed to be loved by a wonderful man like Steve.
And I am blessed to be able to love him and be his wife.
Thank You, God, for blessing my life with this gift!!
April
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