The Potter's Hands

Jun. 20, 2009

Practicing Thankfulness

Posted in Spiritual Life

Today I am thankful for ...

~ cool breezes
~ shade trees
~ electricity
~ electric fans
~ a strong house
~ a safe haven
~ a loving husband
~ God's creativity in nature
~ colors
~ the sound of a gentle rain
~ flowers
~ chubby baby thighs
~ toothless grins (okay, he has a few teeth)
~ children's laughter
~ hugs
~ bedtime prayers
~ children fighting over who will say the mealtime prayer
~ family meals
~ dark chocolate
~ quiet times
~ God's provision
~ happy children playing together (yes, it does happen)
~ evenings with Steve
~ a great church family
~ a supportive homeschool group
~ a loving family
~ a blessed life
~ a godly heritage
~ intact marriages of our parents
~ my awesome, loving, hard-working, patient, and gentle husband
~ my Dad
~ my Mom
~ the great parents-in-law God gave me
~ being able to homeschool
~ the Homeschool Crew
~ friends, both in real life and "pretend" computer friends
~ the internet and the connections it brings
~ 7 healthy children
~ my health
~ a healthy husband
~ knowing my Father-in-law is worshiping Jesus, though he's mourned this Father's Day weekend
~ being connected to my husband's family heritage
~ country life
~ so many blessings from God I can not count
~ Christ's salvation

Thank You, God!

Trusting in Him,
April

Dec. 19, 2008

Praising God for His protection!

Posted in Spiritual Life

It's icy here. Freezing rain fell last night as Steve was driving home. He left extra early this morning so he could drive slowly on the icy roads. Most schools are closed or starting later.

This morning, his front tire blew out! He didn't spin. He didn't crash! He was able to simply pull over and change his tire (in the cold! brrr!).

I'm so thankful God protected Steve this morning. I pray he makes it home safely again tonight on that spare tire. We have tires here to put on his car. Not the best weather to work on a vehicle, but we don't always get to pick and choose. At least Steve's still healthy and able. Praise God!

Trusting in Him,

April

Dec. 10, 2008

Sometime's it's so tempting to be depressed ...

Posted in Spiritual Life

At times I find myself fighting the temptation to be depressed. We are incredibly blessed, and there is so much to be thankful for ... and yet, so many things just do not go as we hope or plan. Twice now I've started to list out all the things that are going wrong, and deleted them. It doesn't matter what is wrong, or how many things aren't going well. I still need to praise Him and get my eyes off of myself and my frustrations.

So, at the moment things are NOT going well. Suffice it to say I'm frustrated and feeling blue, when I'd rather be cheerful and carefree this holiday season.

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:18

I praise God for:

the roof over my head
my comfy bed
my hard-working loving husband who is my best friend
each of my 7 children, crazy bunch that they are
extra sheets, blankets, and towels ... for company, for warmth in winter, and for stomach viruses that pile laundry up faster than I can wash it
a deep freeze full of food
Christmas presents under the tree
my snowflake ornaments
clothes for each and every family member
friends who help by giving coats to us for the children who needed larger coats
beauty in the world around us, and in our home
a home in the country, at last
family who loves us and will travel to spend time with us
a living room large enough to really host family, at last
a home full of books, too many for our bookshelves
paperbackswap.com which helps me trade books I don't want for books I do want
being able to homeschool my children, even when they wish the word "school" didn't exist
a loving church family, who have rejoiced with us in Baby G's birth, and supported us in our grief
God's patience with me
a washing machine that still works ... please let it keep working!
a nice clothes line to use when the dryer doesn't work
being able to afford to heat our home this winter
health and physical ability to do the work required of me
learning to look beyond the colors of our walls, and focus on the life within them
a wonderful dog, who is perfect for our family, at long last
cozy socks and slippers to wear on our cold wood floors
fleece blankets and hot coffee on cold mornings
Steve's job being renewed for another year
good health insurance
finally getting signed up for dental and vision insurance
being a part of the Homeschool Crew, and testing new curriculum
all the little ways that God meets our needs, and even provides for some wants
being able to stay home with my children
a library that gladly inter-library-loans books for me, at no cost
a cute 2 year old to entertain the family
an active 4 year old to keep me young, and on my knees in prayer
hard wood floors that are easier to clean than carpet was ... when stomach viruses hit
enough beds for the whole family
being stretched and challenged
learning to be content
God providing a front bench for the Suburban, just days before Baby G was born ... making room for the whole family again
four seasons to enjoy
having hall closets, a basement, and a garage ... at last!
realizing that small table in the basement could be used for more counter space in the kitchen, and having it fit!
children that need me and love me
time to myself to recharge

Sometimes I just need to stop and make a list of my blessings.

Trusting in Him,

April

Jun. 28, 2008

"May the Words of my Mouth"

Posted in Spiritual Life

We sang this in church on Sunday, and I was so touched by the words. It became a prayer, my prayer. And being an emotional pregnant woman, I cried, to the amusement of my family.

I was going to highlight the lines that spoke to me most, but each part is so powerful. I wish I knew how to add music to my blog, because I'd add this song.

"May the Words of my Mouth" (Psalm 19) by Tim Hughes

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

"Lord, please let every word of my mouth, every thought, and every action bless Your Name and speak of Your presence in my life. Help me to live a life of love, and not selfishness. Help me to focus on serving You, and those You have placed in my life, without thought for gain or praise. Change my priorities, Lord. Help me to follow You, and put You first in my life. May my husband, my children, and my neighbors see You in me. Forgive me for all the times my words and actions have not blessed Your Name, for the times they have grieved You. Change me, Lord, and make me more like You. Amen."

Trusting in Him,
April

Sep. 20, 2007

Moving to our Homestead ... at last!

Posted in Spiritual Life

Today my husband is having a training day at his new job. He's meeting with the outgoing person, since this person's last day is tomorrow and Steve does not start until October 1.   He took a day off from his current job to go train.

I got up early with him to fix his coffee, and see him out the door. While he showered, I read my Bible, and I was drawn to offering him the same 2 verses I read to him when he was starting his current job 6.5 years ago. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 and "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."   Joshua 1:9.

We've been so thankful that God has been helping Steve wake earlier, and the children and I to fall asleep earlier and wake up earlier. We're working on changing our family's sleep schedules so this job will be easier for Steve, and our family. I don't usually get up with Steve. I'm so glad I did today, and that God reminded me of those verses, so I could bless him by reading them to him again.

6.5 years ago, he was nervous about leaving his job at a Christian University to step out into a secular job. It was a change, and God gave me those verses to encourage him with. Now, he is leaving the familiar once again ... not just in his career ... but also for where we live. We have lived here in this area for half our lives, to be honest, and in this particular house for 3/4 of our marriage. Four of our children were born while living here, and two of them were actually born in this house.

But God is leading us into a new job, a new community, and a new home. He is fulfilling the desires of our heart, to move to a rural area, to live on Steve's family homestead. We are incredibly thankful, and yet, also nervous. It is encouraging to remember that God is going with us. He will not leave us, nor forsake us.

Our Pastor unwittingly was the bearer of encouraging words as we pondered this change. The Sunday before Steve interviewed for this job, Pastor preached about Abram leaving Haran and setting out for Canaan. His text was Genesis 12:1-9. "The Lord said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people, and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." " At the time, I was impressed that God was reminding me that this was God leading our family, and God would go with us. God has blessed our life here, but I believe He was encouraging me that He would continue to bless us in "the new land". Although, Steve didn't get the same thing out of the sermon, since he considers this going TO his father's land, not leaving it. But it's a new land to me. Entirely new.

The week after he was offered the job, as we wrestled with whether to accept it or not, our Pastor again told us to go. He didn't mean to, but he did. This time, his text was 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. Our Pastor was addressing the fact that as Christians we often pray for God to open a new opportunity, or a new direction for us ... but then when He does, we are too afraid to take it. If we pray for God to do that, we need to stay in His Word, stay close to Him, and keep praying ... so we'll have the faith and strength to follow His leading. We were wrestling with fears and "what ifs" that weekend, and God used our Pastor to encourage us to trust Him.

I jokingly told Steve our Pastor didn't know it, but he was telling us to GO!! GET OUT OF HERE!! JUST DO IT!!   When Steve talked to the Pastor about us moving, he made certain to let Steve know that was not the message he had wanted us to hear. LOL!   But it was the message God wanted us to hear.

We're still nervous. Still worried about the details of moving a family of 8 who has been settled in this house for ten years ... and struggle with being clutterbugs. I'm trying not to think of how many books our home library holds ... or all the nooks and crannies we've filled in ten years. Steve's more worried about the transition between the two jobs and a paycheck coming a week later than usual, and the gas costs involved in moving, etc.

But God has been telling us to trust Him ... to be strong and courageous. And I'm just clinging to His promises ... that He will continue to make a way. God has made a way, where there seemed to be no way ... and I believe He will continue to do so.

That song makes me cry even more now ... because when the family farmhouse was going to be sold, we longed to buy it and didn't know how we possibly could. God provided extra work for Steve so we could buy it nearly 2.5 years ago. Then that work ended last year and we've felt increasing pressure to move out there and get away from the financial burden of two homes ... but work (especially good-paying work) is hard to find out there ... and God has once again made a way for us to have our heart's desire.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Blessings,
April

Aug. 12, 2007

Overcoming Depression

Posted in Spiritual Life

This morning in church, our Pastor taught us how to overcome depression. He believes (as I do) that there are times when a person needs the help of others, and even medication, to overcome a deep depression. But there are other times we allow ourselves to wallow in the blues of self-pity, or the "pit of despair" when we could take steps to overcome that depression.

We often fall into depression because we are not caring for our physical needs, or our spiritual needs. We begin to believe our feelings (which lie to us), compare ourselves or our situations with others, and focus on the negative things in our lives, even to the point of exaggerating them. We turn inward, instead of to God. We take on false blame, blame others around us, and vent our anger and despair to those around us.

As Moms, we can easily become so focused on our many responsibilities (homemaking, homeschooling, homesteading, outside ministries, finances, part-time work, or large families) that we neglect our physical and spiritual health. Is it any wonder, that we find ourselves battling self-pity, anger, and negativity?

I've found (as my Pastor also taught today) that I can regain my joy and my sense of perspective when I take care of my physical needs, and my spiritual needs. First, as Elijah did in 1 Kings 19, we must care for our physical needs. For me, two nights of good long rest are an amazing start to overcoming depression. I can avoid being in this situation again by continuing to care for my physical needs:

Rest!
Eat properly!
Take good quality vitamins, including extra Omega 3 oils and B vitamins.
Exercise to increase your energy and health.

Also, turn to God. Pour out your heart to Him, instead of your friends and family. Listen for His direction. Believe that He loves you and has a purpose for your life, and your current situation. Remember that He has promised that He will never leave you, nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31, Joshua 1, 1 Chronicles 28, and Hebrews 13)

We ended our service today by singing the uplifting hymn "I've Anchored In Jesus" by Lewis E. Jones:

Upon life’s boundless ocean where mighty billows roll,
I’ve fixed my hope in Jesus, blest anchor of my soul;
When trials fierce assail me as storms are gathering o’er,
I rest upon His mercy and trust Him more.

Refrain

I’ve anchored in Jesus, the storms of life I’ll brave,
I’ve anchored in Jesus, I fear no wind or wave.
I’ve anchored in Jesus, for He hath power to save,
I’ve anchored to the Rock of Ages.

He keeps my soul from evil and gives me blessèd peace,
His voice hath stilled the waters and bid their tumult cease;
My Pilot and Deliverer, to Him I all confide,
For always when I need Him, He’s at my side.

Refrain

He is my Friend and Savior, in Him my anchor’s cast,
He drives away my sorrows and shields me from the blast;
By faith I’m looking upward beyond life’s troubled sea,
There I behold a haven prepared for me.

Refrain

A few weeks ago, we sang the worship song, "Trading My Sorrows". This is another song that reminds me that my joy and strength comes from the Lord, not any of the situations I am facing.

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I've personally found myself depressed because I was neglecting to care for myself physically and spiritually. I began to look at the situations around me, the struggles, and my emotions instead of focusing on God. When I do this, I sink into depression, self-pity and anger, just as Peter sank when he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at the size of the waves around him. (Matthew 14)

I've written about times I've experienced that previously: Joy Comes In The Morning, and Mother Culture and Mother Care.

If you're struggling with depression, anger, self-pity, fear, and comparison ... anchor yourself in Jesus. Lean on Him, confide in Him, rest in His love for you and His will for your life. Take care of your physical needs, and focus on God's Word. His Word does not lie, although our feelings and thoughts will.

Blessings,
April

Jun. 7, 2007

Pray for Kim of Large Family Logistics

Posted in Spiritual Life

Kim B. from Large Family Logistics needs our prayers. She is in the hospital, trying to maintain a pregnancy she only learned about recently. (She had earlier miscarried its twin.)

You can read the prayer request at the LFL Blog, HERE. Please stop by the LFL Blog and leave a message for Kim and her family to let them know you are praying.

Blessings,
April

Apr. 23, 2007

Exploring Toddlerhood and God's Ways

Posted in Spiritual Life

Little L (13 months) is growing up. She's exploring, gaining independence, and learning. She alternates between independent exploration and clinginess. I know this is normal toddler behavior. One minute she's climbing the bunk bed ladder (eek!) or playing quietly with duplos. The next moment she's tugging on my skirts, crying to be held. She needs reassurance and comfort. After some cuddling and lap time, maybe even some nursing, she is ready to go explore again. Some weeks she needs extra reassurance and comfort, like now, when she's cutting her first stubborn molars.

As a mother, I have to balance letting her explore with keeping her safe. I have to balance giving her enough assurances of my love and presence, with not spoiling her too much. I have to be available to meet her needs, fill up her love tank, keep her safe, and teach her new things. But I don't want to hold her back too much -- keep her so safe that she doesn't learn new things.

(Let me clarify. I am a proponent of sheltering our children from the world's sinfulness -- there is no reason for my 7 year old (or even my 11 yo) to know about all the sin that is out there -- but I don't want to keep my child from learning to walk or climb (safely) because I am keeping her in a play pen or walker. I don't want to keep my child from learning to ride a bike because I keep her on a tricycle, or refuse to take off her training wheels, even when she's ready. Balance. Being attentive to know when my child is ready to grow.)

For example, yesterday our family went swimming. At first Little L let me hold her out from my body in deep water and she kicked in the water, and enjoyed the floating sensation. But when we returned to that pool later, she clung to me, afraid. I don't know what caused the change, but we moved to the baby pool instead. She still clung to me. We had to work to coax her away from us. At first she'd cry anytime we stood her or sat her in the water. I finally convinced her to sit between my legs in very shallow water, and then Steve convinced her to walk around a bit. As she gained confidence and began to wade in the water, we had to stay very close to her, catching her as she fell in the water over and over. She learned that we were there to catch her and grew bolder; so bold that I wanted to hold her back a little. I tried to take her into shallower water, but she always headed back into the water that came to her waist. Finally, I convinced her to hold hands with me while she walked. I could keep her from falling into the water, without keeping her from exploring the water.

As I wrote about Little L and her growing independence, I was thinking how much God is our Spiritual Father. How He is always there to lovingly care for us, comfort us, reassure us, provide for us, etc. He leads us in safe paths, if we listen to His guidance. But unlike Little L who is seeking her independence, I need to seek dependence on Him. I need to give up my self-reliance and cling to my Heavenly Father. I am sure there are times I walk away from Him, over-confident in my self-reliance, and He may feel the same lump in His throat that I felt as I watched Little L wobble as she sped through the pool, seeing the coming fall before it even happened. There may be times that I foolishly climb a bunk bed ladder, and He rushes to stop me. I know His love and care for me, is greater than my love for my children.

Perhaps I'm over-humanizing God the Father, but it still serves to remind me that He has given me rules and guidance in His Word -- to help me walk in His ways, to keep me safe, and to lead me into relationship with Him. And just as I want to keep my children safe from harm, to help them learn and grow, I also need to teach them about God's Word and how to walk in His ways. Even more than teaching Little L and the others how to be safe while they explore and learn, we strive to teach them about God, and we pray that they will give their lives to Him and live for Him.

Deuteronomy 1:31 "and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

Isaiah 49:15 "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!"

Isaiah 66:13 "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."

Psalm 103:13 "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;"

2 Corinthians 6:18 "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Hebrews 12:7 "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"

Blessings,
April

Apr. 15, 2007

Immersed in Christ

Posted in Spiritual Life

Today in church, our Pastor was talking about the sacraments of baptism and communion. While explaining baptism, he said it means to be immersed, to be put fully into. Then he explained how it was a symbol of us being completely immersed in Christ. Being totally committed.

I've been attending church all my life. I've been a Christian since I was a young child, and I was baptized when I was 10 or 11. I was a ministry major when I attended a Christian college, so I took many theology classes. I've heard baptism and its symbolism described many different ways. When my oldest daughter was baptized two weeks ago, she and I discussed it before speaking to the Pastor about it. And when we met with the Pastor, he basically explained it exactly as I already had.

But until today, I'd never heard it described this way. Being fully immersed, all the way into, totally committed, to Christ. What a wonderful, beautiful image.

Lord, help me to be totally immersed in YOU, in Your Love, Your Grace, Your Mercy. Let me be totally immersed in Your Holy Spirit, or would that be it immersed in me? Lord, help me to walk in Your path, in Your light, and become more like You each day. Amen.

Blessings,
April

Jan. 5, 2007

Redundant Resolutions

Posted in Spiritual Life

Every year, it seems I make the same resolutions. I'm still a work in progress, and I'm still growing in the same areas. I am not one to make detailed plans. I am not one to really dwell on them that much. I usually don't even make a written list.

But every year, I purpose to better follow my claimed priorities.

More time with God. Daily Devotions.
Being more loving toward my husband, less grouchy, more encouraging.
Spending more time reading to my children, playing games with them, and listening to them.
Keeping the home better organized and staying on top of chores.
Being more structured and diligent in our homeschool.
Spending less time on the computer, and more time reaching out to others ... in my home and outside of it.
Eating healthier and exercising.

I've hesitated to post on this all week. Because it's the same things I say every year. And I think it's probably the same thing most Christian Moms say.

But I've decided not to be discouraged that I still have the same goals for the New Year. I am still growing. I have not yet overcome my weaknesses. But I am still trying, and God is still working in me. I need to let Him work more, instead of trying to make these changes on my own. If I'm growing in my relationship with HIM, then I will grow in these areas, as well. Or in whatever areas He desires to see me change in.

So, I do have one resolution. I resolve to seek God: I will resume daily devotions and I will pray, seeking His guidance more often. I will take time to listen. I've been trying to do things on my own for too long. God has been telling me this in many different ways recently. I need to seek Him, and let Him do His work in me.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

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Dec. 17, 2006

Sometimes God Speaks in Unusual Ways

Posted in Spiritual Life

I'm home from church today with Baby L who has a really bad virus. She's had a cold/flu type thing since Friday morning. Her nose is congested, her ears are hurting, and she has a high fever. She's not sleeping well, and needing held and nursed often. Poor girl!

So, I'm home today ... and Ken Davis, Chonda Pierce and I had church today. First I put in Ken Davis' "God Wants Your Body" DVD and laughed along with him. But I also felt God tugging at my heart ... about being a living sacrifice ... giving God my body, my will, and my mind.

Then I turned on Chonda Pierce's "Four-eyed Blonde" DVD. And I laughed with her ... and ended up bawling as I cried out to God.

God met me in my living room this morning, in my pajamas, in my recliner, as I rocked and nursed a feverish little baby girl. And I'm so thankful.

I have to confess that I've not been faithful to spend time with God lately. I have become so caught up in the "important things of life".

Stressing over things that seem much more important than they really are. And when I became overwhelmed, instead of turning to God, I turned to distractions. Which works really well, for a moment. Only then while I'm distracted, nothing gets done, and I only end up more stressed. Although the adrenaline can kick in and I can accomplish bunches of stuff in a short amount of time. But not with grace and gentleness.

I have been a grouchy grouchy woman lately. Not continually. But too often. Oh, the things I've said and the tones I've spoken in. "Apologize to your sister right now. We do NOT speak that way in this family. We show love to each other!!" (of course it would help if MOM spoke in a loving tone, wouldn't it?)

And when I get this way, God pokes and prods at my conscience, and I feel guilty. And I don't like feeling guilty. So I try to shift blame, and I try to change the subject, and I avoid the very thing I need ... confession and seeking forgiveness. Just like my kids. At least we know my children come by it honestly. And the more I try to avoid God ... the grouchier I get.

But, today, I was reminded that God sees through all that ugliness ... and loves me anyway.

So, today God and I cleaned house. I confessed. I sought His forgiveness. I let Him have my stress. I let Him speak to me.

I know I'm tired. I know I'm stressed. But it wasn't just fatigue and stress at work this morning. It was the Holy Spirit ... reaching out and drawing me to God, ministering to a tired Mom, helping me clean up. I've been focusing on the outside for awhile ... the house, the chores, the schoolwork, the kids' behavior, the list of stuff to do before Christmas. But what I really needed was to get my heart and my life cleaned up ... not the house.

When my children come home, I'm going to take them each in my arms, and tell them I love them. That I'm sorry, and will they please forgive me. And I'm going to tell them that I really want them to know that I love them, but more importantly that God loves them. That He loves them perfectly, in a way I never can.

If anyone else is focusing on the outside STUFF right now ... while neglecting their heart and their relationship with God ... I just want to urge them to draw away. Take 15 minutes, or half an hour, or an hour ... and get alone with God. Let Him clean house. I promise it will be worth it.

The Potter's Hands

by Hillsong United

album:

Beautiful Lord, wonderful saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan

You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by, Your Holy calling
Set me apart
I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mold me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Hold me, Guide me
Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

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Nov. 17, 2006

Sometimes life just hurts ...

Posted in Spiritual Life

and all we can do is cling to God when we don't understand.

Nov. 15, 2006

Developing a Thankful Spirit

Posted in Spiritual Life

I am wavering between excitement over the holiday season, frustration that it isn't coming fast enough, and panic that I won't be ready in time. So, I decided to take God's advice (novel idea, huh?) to "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

I am thankful for ...

salvation
my husband
my children
their love
their laughter
hugs
butterfly kisses
little voices
deep belly laughs
our home
a warm cozy bed
daughters who can fix lunch
help with the housework
my servants: electric dishwashers, washing machines, dryers, etc
warm clothing
God's great and awesome provision
little blessings of finding "just what you wanted" at "just the right price"
thrift store finds
freecycle blessings
a hard-working husband
a loving husband
a gentleman
my husband's friendship
Steve's parents
my parents
our grandparents
a Godly Christian heritage
freedom to read my Bible and pray
freedom to attend church openly
a Bible-believing and preaching church
the fellowship of believers
our future home -- our homestead
preserving family heritage
children making gifts for each other
creative children
a full tummy
beautiful Fall colors
changing seasons
a working heater
a healthy family
memories
God's love
God's wonderful grace
God's mercy
God's forgiveness
the joy of the Lord
a new day to start over
restful sleep
being at peace
a crowded dinner table
being able to homeschool my children
teaching my children to read
being there when they finally get it
being able to choose what they learn
spending our days together
being able to sleep in
being able to do school in our pajamas, if we want
everyone working together
loving extended family
generosity of others
the ability to read
libraries
helpful librarians
our Suburban

I will add more another day. My daughters are journalling things they are thankful for this week as their school assignment. It is a blessing for me to do so, as well. Sometimes we forget how blessed we are.

Aug. 4, 2006

The Fear and Pain of Rejection

Posted in Spiritual Life

There are many reasons we decided to homeschool, but one of them was to avoid the painful social scenarios that so often happen in a school setting. Unfortunately, we can't avoid all those painful moments of judgement and rejection for our children. We've experienced them in a Homeschool Co-op, along with other negative stuff that led us to pull out of the group. (But that's another post ... why homeschool groups mimic the school setting?) We've had some negative experiences with neighborhood girls, as well. Enough so that my children no longer desire to play with them, to be honest. The other setting where our children have run into this social garbage has, unfortunately, been at church.

Usually, it is not a problem. Our church really does have a great group of children, and since my girls have grown up in this church with these children, they're fairly well accepted. They get the occasional question about homeschooling and occasional questions about why we usually wear dresses. But most of the time they are accepted and loved.

Recently, though, a new girl has come to our church. She's attended off and on all her life since her Grandma attends our church, but mostly just occasional Summer visits. Unfortunately, being the "new girl" she decided to resort to school-yard tactics to establish herself. She singled out my oldest girl A as a threat and then spent alot of her time at the Vacation Bible School Campout trying to put my A in her place. At every opportunity, she had a negative comment about A or A's ideas. Whenever A did or said something, she tried to "top" it.

A has not had to experience this before and by the last day of the Camp Out, she was worn down emotionally. Steve was camping with them and he got to listen to her cry her heart out about how hurt she was and she just couldn't take one more negative comment. He's such a good Daddy, and he listened to her and loved her. And when she came home, I had to explain the petty social games girls play and why this girl had felt the need to verbally hurt A.

But my heart hurts for A. I know all too well what that feels like. I went to public school. We moved every 3 years, which only made it worse. Just when I'd start to find my niche in a school and begin to really belong, we'd move again. Add to that the fact that I was an honor roll student who did NOT excel in sports or P.E., and well, you can guess how I was treated.

I've felt the betrayal of those you thought were your friends. I've felt the rejection of continual verbal jabs. I've felt the ridicule of P.E. class, and the loneliness of being the last one chosen. I've been the pawn in social games, with friends playing me against other friends. I've come to realize more than once that I was only a "disposable friend", and not a truly valued friend. I've been the "friend for this class only, but don't talk to me anywhere else."

I've tried to find my value in others' acceptance. I've tried to fit in to gain the approval of others. I've tried to dress right, look right, speak right -- usually unsuccessfully. My rebellious nature often says "Forget them! I'll do what I like." And I do for awhile, but even now as a 33 yo woman, I find myself trying to gain others approval. I still find myself trying to base my value on how others view me.

I know that we need to find our value in our relationship with God. He Created us in His image, and He desires to have a friendship with us. We are His Children, when we accept His Forgiveness. I love that in His Word, He calls us His Children!!

I'm trying to teach A that her value lies not in her appearance or her popularity, but in her life as a Daughter of the King (Romans 8-9). But it's a hard lesson to learn and accept. Her 10 yo heart wants to be accepted for the outer things. She isn't ready to embrace the Truth on this yet. But I'm going to keep saying it. I'm going to try to keep modelling it. And I'm going to keep listening and comforting when the rest of the World tries to knock her down. I'll teach her to brush herself off and hold on tight to God.

And I hope she embraces this lesson earlier than I did. I hope she emerges as a young woman with fewer scars than I bear. That's one reason I chose to homeschool. So my children can enjoy their childhood and enjoy learning without the distracting and painful school-yard social games. I don't think God intended for their learning experiences to be sullied with that type of garbage.

I can't protect her from all hurt, but I can shield her from some of it. And I pray that when she emerges as a young woman, she'll have enough confidence still intact to be able to face the World with dignity and courage.

Psalm 139:13-17
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to ^[b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Jul. 28, 2006

Comfort when life hurts

Posted in Spiritual Life

Sharing God's Word with a hurting friend today.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:10-12

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Psalm 37:1-9

1 "Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

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Jul. 16, 2006

But For Your Grace ...

Posted in Spiritual Life

We sang this song today in church and it greatly touched my heart. But for God's grace, I could not be saved. And but for His grace, I would go my own way. It's all Him!!

Thank You, Lord!! Your grace *is* amazing and I am so thankful for Your blessing and grace. Amen.

But For Your Grace /Amazing Grace
Rita Baloche, John Newton

Chorus:
But for Your grace I could not be saved
But for Your grace I would go my way
I'm forever  grateful
That You have been faith - ful to me, Lord
For Your amazing grace
(Repeat)

Other:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now    I see

Chorus 2:
But for Your grace I could not be saved
But for Your grace I would go my way
I'm forever   grateful
That You have been faith - ful to me, Lord
For Your amazing grace
For Your amazing grace
For Your amazing grace

©1998 Integrity's Hosanna! Music 
All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
CCLI song #2653691

Jul. 12, 2006

Times of feasting, and times of fasting

Posted in Spiritual Life

We're in a financial crunch right now. We've had a loss of some extra income and now we're having to reduce our spending in many ways and look for more ways to save money. We're also trying to think creatively of ways to earn more money.

Part of the problem lies in the fact that we now have two homes. God provided the extra work that enabled us to purchase Steve's family homestead last year. And now we are trying to pay for two homes on less income. We are confident that God provided for the purchase of the farmhouse last year and we are confident He's going to work this situation out, too. He may provide work for us out by the farmhouse so we can move, or He may guide us in how to continue to reduce our spending, or He may provide another means of earning extra income while still owning two homes. We're waiting for His direction and provision.

But in the meantime, we've had to tell our children "No" to many things, such as ordering pizza. They're getting tired of hearing it. They've asked us if we're poor now. We said no, but they have decided we are. They've asked us why we have to be poor now. They've said they don't like being poor.

The other day I reminded them that we're right in the center of God's will. That He has led us into this time. That sometimes He uses times of fasting to grow us. When we're feasting we get lazy. We become lazy about being wise stewards. We become lazy about saving money. We become lazy about working with what we already have, thinking we need something better instead. We forget to be thankful. We become lazy about our faith, and lazy in our prayers.

When the fasting begins, we are stretching our muscles. We learn again how to wait patiently. We learn again how to deny ourselves. We learn how to trust God to provide our needs. We learn to pray diligently. We learn to be creative as we use what we already have in new ways, and as we think of new ways to earn money. We learn what's really important. We learn the difference between Needs and Wants. We learn to be thankful.

In these times, we learn to depend on God, and we have the privilege of seeing God work in our lives. We get to see Him answer prayers as He provides for our needs. And we learn what is important to Him as we see which prayers are answered No, and which are answered Yes.

That had to be a God moment. When I told that to my daughters, it ministered to my heart so much. It just had to be a God moment. He put those words into my heart, and into my mouth. He used me to teach my daughters something, and He encouraged me at the same time.

As I was thinking about that this morning, God reminded me that they are watching me. If I act deprived and resentful and stressed and fearful, they are going to pick up on that negative attitude and mirror it back to me. If I am thankful, patient, prayerful, creative, resourceful, and faithful to praise God, they will learn a very important life lesson. The way that I react to this situation will affect them as they go into their adult lives.

Oh, Lord, help me to trust You during this time. Help me to focus on the truly important issues. Help me to keep a positive and resourceful attitude. Remind me that You're stretching me and growing my faith muscles, please. Help me to lead my children through this time in a way that would be pleasing to you. Give me creativity, wisdom, and resourcefulness, Lord. Give me patience, peace, and faith, Lord. Thank You for providing for our needs, Lord, and guide us during this time of change and transition. Amen.

I need to spend some time seeking out Bible verses for us to focus on during this time. When I find some, I'll add them to my blog. Does anyone have a favorite verse for these times of fasting to share with me?

May. 30, 2006

Joy comes in the Morning

Posted in Spiritual Life

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalms 30:5

Hmm. I'm a child of "the Bible version change". My memory of Bible verses is a weird mix of the King James Version of my parents Bible, the Children's Living Bible they first started me with, and the New International Version I now use. So, in my mind this verse is "Weeping may remain for the night, but joy comes in the morning." However, that's my weird mixed up combination of all the various versions.

I also know it isn't really in context to use it in reference to my topic ... but it was what came to my mind this morning. I had a gloomy weekend. I was tired, worn out, and negative. And I didn't try very hard to hide it from my family. In this mood, everything was worse. I was on the verge of tears most of Sunday over the terrible state of my home and my poor parenting and how I was sure I was ruining my children. I took two naps after church, but the headache and blues still remained.

And to make matters worse, my mean old husband wanted to drag us all out to "the city" for an outdoor symphony concert and fireworks Sunday night. He reasoned that once we got there, we'd enjoy it, as usual. I was intent on not enjoying it, just to prove him wrong. But I knew I couldn't do this in a sulking way -- that would be a bad influence on my children. So I'd have to appear to be pleasant, but then inform Steve once we were home that he was wrong.

But he wasn't wrong, and I had to humbly admit I was glad we went. I woke up in a slightly better mood on Monday, but I still felt like the house was a horrible mess. There were certain areas of clutter and trouble spots really bugging me, but they needed my husband to do "A" before I could fix "troublespot B". And he was instead working his way through the giant pile of newspapers, reading, skimming, and moving them to the recycling stack. Something that needed done, something he enjoys ... so I could not nag him about the "A" so I could do "B".

As I sat and read, I was trying to push down the annoyance that "A" was not getting done. I focused on the unattainable "A" and "B" instead of the things I could have been working on. And I found the blues starting to settle in again. By then I had realized it was largely a problem of fatigue and hormones. Everything was out of perspective. I'd quit taking my vitamins and supplements, I'd been staying up much too late, and I hadn't prepared any Red Raspberry Leaf tea in quite some time. Instead, I was trying to drown my blues and stress in soda and chocolate. So I took my vitamins/supplements and vowed to make some Red Raspberry Leaf tea on Tuesday to help level out my hormones.

This morning, when I woke up after a good night's sleep, I found the world a much brighter place. Joy comes in the morning. I realized that largely what I had experienced over the weekend was a matter of fatigue. I should have known. Just the fact that I napped on Sunday should have been a clue to me. I just don't nap, unless my reserves are empty. Every now and then, I wear myself out to the point that I nap all weekend long, and am fine by Monday.

So, I'm realizing today that I need to take better care of myself. I need to eat more healthily (hmm ... that sounds wrong) ... healthier? I need to keep taking my vitamins and supplements. I need to get more rest. And I need to keep drinking my Red Raspberry Leaf tea. It's not fair to subject my family to fatigue induced, hormone driven tirades that are based on exaggerated irrational feelings instead of facts. It's not fair to subject them to weekends of Mom sulking and grumping and snapping about every little thing. I can't properly fulfill my God-given role as wife and mother if I don't take proper care of myself.

For me, weeping lasted a 3 day weekend, but joy came in the morning ... after a couple good nights' sleep.

Blessings,
April

May. 12, 2006

Mother's Day, Scrapbooking, and Self-examination

Posted in Spiritual Life

This is an odds and ends post again. More potpourri.

First, I'm looking forward to Mother's Day very much. Not because I expect to be spoiled, but because it is a triple day of celebration for us! This year, our wedding anniversary falls on Mother's Day. I love it when that happens! And, this Sunday, we'll be having a Dedication Service for our Baby L at church. I'm looking forward to celebrating our 12th year of marriage, celebrating the fact that I get to mother 6 wonderful blessings, and dedicating our 6th blessing to the Lord. When our church troubles arose, my selfish desire was that it would not affect the Baby Dedication. I truly wanted to be able to dedicate Baby L on our Anniversary and Mother's Day.

I feel wonderfully blessed whenever I think about this upcoming Sunday. Even if everyone sleeps in too late to bring me breakfast in bed, even if the children forget to make me cards, even if Steve forgets, and even if we eat lunch meat sandwiches at home ... I will still feel wonderfully blessed.

Second, I'm just itching to start Scrapbooking again. I love to scrapbook!! And now I have pretty baby scrapbook paper and pretty stickers just calling out to me. I even have a new Creative Memories album for Baby L. And the lady I bought it from on ebay threw in some other fun scrapping tools!!

However, I have no place that I can set up my stuff and leave it out. So, whenever I scrapbook, I usually wait until all the children are in bed and my chores done, and then I have to clean it all up before I go to bed. I did spend time before Christmas making photo calendars using my scrapbook supplies. I did alot of this during the afternoons. So, I am trying to tell myself I could scrapbook during the days, but now I have Baby L. And I'm just afraid that as soon as I start Baby L will wake up and need me and I'll have to clean it all up again.

I am brainstorming ways I can find time and space to scrapbook regularly again, without neglecting my family. I need to finish M's First Year album and start on Baby L's album. And then, of course, my Family Album ends at our engagement. All those pictures sitting in boxes. And to think, I used to be a Creative Memories Consultant. Shameful!

To quote Winnie the Pooh, "Think, think, think!" I just need to keep thinking until I come up with a workable solution. "Think, think, think!" Maybe I need to do an all-night or half-night scrap once or twice a month. Where I stay up dreadfully late ... into the wee hours of the morning ... scrapbooking. I used to do that reading from time to time. I wonder if I'm too old to do that now? Hmmm ...

Third, I am not very pleased with myself right now. At first, I was thinking that my blog posts lately were lacking the same joyfulness I started out with. Then, I began to listen to my interactions with my family, and was ashamed at the snippy tone of voice I used too often. Then, I realized how often I'm brushing my family aside lately. And it's affecting our home. Our interactions, and the way we go about our work is suffering.

And I know the reason. I've been much too self-indulgent lately and self-focused. I haven't been serving my family joyfully. And the reason is I've lost my thankful spirit. I'm not being thankful or joyful. I'm being selfish, critical, and lazy. And when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Things are getting steadily more chaotic and negative here at home.

I'm not going to spend too much time worrying over what started this spiral downhill. (No, I'm not clinically depressed or even suffering postpartum depression.) Is it fatigue, my children's negative behaviors, our seasonal allergies, our church situation, Steve's work schedule, adjusting to a new baby? It could be one of many things ... or it could be none of the above and all come back to me.

But it doesn't matter what started it. What matters is what I do about it. I need to get back to being the Thankful Wife of Steve and Joyful Mommy of our 6 blessings that my signature at a different website claims I am. It is what I strive to be, but I'm failing at the moment.

I know what I need to do. I need to be harsh with myself and remove my escape mechanisms. They only feed my selfishness and pull me further away from my family. I need to draw closer to them, to build those relationships up, and to be able to more quickly correct negative behaviors. I need to be pouring my extra energy and spare moments into my family and our home ... not into time on the computer or reading fiction or watching old movies.

And the only way I can do that is to correct my spiritual focus: to get back into God's Word, to choose to be thankful and joyful again, and spend time daily in prayer.

God brought these verses to my mind today, and I need to apply them to my life right now:

^"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Titus 2:3-5

^"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

I've been told by other well-meaning Christians before, to be sure I make time for myself. That I don't want to give too much, and wear myself out. I've always struggled to get them to understand that I am so naturally selfish, that it isn't really a problem. I'll always make time for myself, sometimes too much time for myself.

I had a dear online friend who I lost contact with. She used to say it so well. Jesus calls us to "Come and Die." Die to self. I struggle so much with that. I have to remind myself that my daily acts of service to my family, my daily moments of giving up my own desires to follow God's will are my spiritual acts of worship ... my living sacrifice. Even when I'm cleaning the toilet, it can be an act of worship and sacrifice to God, if my attitude is right.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:1-2

It seems I have some dying to do. Joyfully, thankfully, prayerfully dying to self so I can faithfully serve my family with love. I need to serve God by loving my family better, keeping my home cleaner, and doing it joyfully. Lately, I haven't been fulfilling that call as well as I could be.

April

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Apr. 24, 2006

Sadness in our church family

Posted in Spiritual Life

Our Pastor resigned without notice this weekend, due to some personal family issues. I believe he and his family will be moving back to where their extended family lives. And now the search for a new Pastor begins. My husband is the Church Board Secretary, so he will be the one working with our District Superintendent to locate a new pastor and help run the church during this time. We will be hiring an Interim Pastor to preach and shepherd the church in the meantime, however.

But to be honest, the Pastor leaving, and the reasons for him leaving, are very painful to our entire church. We are sad at our loss, sad at the situation, and sad for his family. We are praying the church will pull together during this time of transition and that Satan will not use it as a tool to divide and destroy. Or more accurately, since we know he will try to divide and destroy, we are praying he will not succeed and that God will place a wall of protection around our church family. We also pray that our church's testimony and witness in the community will not be harmed during this time.

At the moment, my husband and I are feeling a deep grief and a great burden of responsibility. For one thing, we know we must not move away to our homestead during this time. So any possible "what ifs" of moving this summer are put on hold. We are committed to stay until a new Pastor is in place, at the very least.

Although we are sad and hurting, we know God will work this to the good of our church family. That God has a plan for our church and for our family. We are believing God will faithfully guide and provide during this time -- for the church, and for our family.

Mar. 2, 2006

Busy, busy, dreadfully busy ...

Posted in Spiritual Life

I've been "busy, busy, dreadfully busy" to quote the Veggie Tales' "Story of Flibber-o-loo". My midwife and her assistant were coming today for their home visit prenatal. So, I've spent alot of time this week nesting and getting the house ready for their visit here, the homebirth, and my family's visit when the baby arrives.

We still have decluttering work to do, in addition to the daily maintenance of keeping the home ready for baby's (and company's) arrival. I must admit I'm much more vigilant about maintaining the home during this time than usual. I do more deep cleaning that I know will be hard to get to after the baby arrives. And I also want to go to bed each night knowing that if I go into labor the next day the house won't be an embarrassment to me.

This is the time of pregnancy when the "what ifs" and the uncertainties can really start to cause anxiety and stress for me. Even today, as I read of another homeschool Mom who died in childbirth, I felt a new wave of anxiety pour over me. Add in the uncertainties of when baby will come, and it's very easy to lose my focus on God and His Sovereignty.

I love having a plan and knowing how things are going to go and when they are going to happen. But childbirth (and parenting) isn't like that. I can't know when the baby will come. I can't know how the birth will go. I don't even know the baby's gender. *smile* Lots of uncertainties that I must continually place in God's hands. I can't control or plan these last few weeks. I must trust that God's timing and His plan are best.

In my early pregnancies, I didn't handle this very well. I've been induced in the hospital twice because I was just tired of the uncertainty and not knowing. And I've even done castor oil at home when I wasn't overdue, to try to speed things up and have the baby before my Mom had to go back home. The castor oil did start things up, and my water broke, but the labor was weak and ineffective and I ended up having to be augmented with pitocin to finish the job my body wasn't really ready to do.

My prayer during my last pregnancy and this one has been for grace ... grace for me to handle the physical discomforts of the final weeks of pregnancy; grace for me to wait patiently for the baby to come in God's timing; grace for me to deal with hormonal mood swings in a manner pleasing to God; and grace for me to extend to those around me. But, I need to begin to pray for grace for me to deal with the fears and uncertainties that arise, as well.

I do not want to spend my final weeks of pregnancy complaining about my aches and pains. I do not want to spend this time anxiously counting days and complaining if I go late. I do not want to spend this time swinging between anger and sadness. I do not want to be irritible with my family and friends. I do not want to become a harsh taskmaster or an escapist in my home. And I do not want to allow fears to steal my peace during this time. But without relying on God's grace, that is exactly what I will end up doing.

I want this to be a time of joy and celebration! I want to cherish these final days of carrying this baby within me, and the final moments of our family in its current form. I want to joyously anticipate the arrival of our new baby and I want my work to be joyful preparation, as well. I want God's love and joy to flow through my home at this time.

So I pray for grace in my life during this time ... and I ask others to pray the same for me.

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Feb. 23, 2006

More waiting ...

Posted in Spiritual Life

I guess God has decided to stretch my faith and patience ... we are going to have to wait another 11+ days before we have the answer we are waiting on.

I guess I'll be singing that song for quite some time.

Feb. 23, 2006

Worry and Waiting

Posted in Spiritual Life

Today I'm anxiously waiting for news. It's rather important news that will affect me and my family. The temptation to fear and worry is great! I am constantly reminding myself today that nothing takes God by surprise and that His plans are better than my own. I am trying to rest in Him as I wait.

It isn't a one-time decision, though. The worry keeps creeping in and I have to consciously choose to pray and put it back in His hands again. His very large and capable hands.

My children sing a chorus from Steve Green's Hide 'Em In Your Heart series ... "When I am afraid I will trust in Him, I will trust in Him, I will trust in Him. When I am afraid I will trust in Him. In God whose Word I praise. In Him I trust. I will not be afraid. In Him I trust. I ... forgot the rest of the song." It's Psalm 56:3-4, though. And I'm humming it to myself today when the worry creeps back in.

"When I am afraid,
           I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
           in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
           What can mortal man do to me?"
Psalm 56:3-4 (NIV)