Ok, I haven’t posted on here in literally MONTHS, and I am really very sorry, but to be honest I have been VERY busy with school.

To start I have had a birthday since I last posted and am now very happily, a seventeen year-old. I had a small party with my family and my Grandparents.

I also went to a reenactment:

(Ok so its kind of hard ot see what we look like...)

And had great fun and even learned some things.

One of our good friends moved to Florida and we had a going away party for them. Very bittersweet, we shared memories and pictures and gave them our best. They are now settling in Florida as of two days ago.

And most recently one of my grandma’s siblings passed on to glory. We had a good time visiting with family that we rarely get to see. Weeping with them in their loss, and rejoicing with time in Aunt Audrey’s gain. I also realized some things about what a legacy that I have to uphold. I have three generations of Godly people to follow. WOW. That’s one reason that I believe the way I do, because I have so many wonderful examples.

Grandma came to visit and the house is all cleaned up (including the kitchen : ) and we are just relaxing… kind of nice actually.

Actually I DID have a reason for posting on here:

I was thinking that most of you reading this blog (apart from my family), probably think that I am a “good” girl and do most things right just because I know its right, and am selfless, and don’t have a problem giving things up for others and doing something just because I know that it will please the LORD (or my parents for that matter).

But no, that’s not anything like me, in fact most of what I described is the opposite from what my sinful heart dictates to my mind and mouth and hands and even my feet.

I guess that I wanted to describe some of my struggles and pains to you.

Something that I have struggled with in the past is giving up the whole idea of having a career, having something that is especially mine. One way that I was able to give that up was to see how content my mother and grandmother and sister are.

The thing I want most in the whole entire world NOW is to have a husband that I love with all my being and can give my self to, to serve like I couldn’t serve anyone else. To have his babies and wash his clothes and dishes, scrub his floors and windows, and accept his love and give him mine in return.

But I have to keep an open mind and have something to fill my time with so that my hands do not grow idle in the meantime.

I also LOVE to yell at my siblings. Somehow in my twisted way of thinking I get it in my head that is makes them work harder, and it does not work that way. I know that is WRONG but I forget and now I must stop for I cannot let myself make anymore excuses. This is one of my pending struggles, AKA: failing miserably.

Another thing that I have struggled with is accepting it when God has given me an answer that is not that one that I was looking for. I was thinking the other day that I have caused more trouble when He gave me an answer and I turned right around and did the opposite simply because I did not like His answer. And now I feel ashamed but it seems that my shame doesn’t help me to remember not to do it again. I have to look into His word to receive strength to fight the battles that are in my path. He indeed provides more, and more, and more grace, as the burdens grow greater.

Well I find that I need to get to bed; I have church tomorrow.

“You pray for me, and I’ll pray for you and well be okay.”

-         Anonymous

Just think of stepping on shore and finding it Heaven, and touching a hand and finding it Gods, and breathing new breath and finding it celestial, and waking up in glory and finding it Home.

Love by Christ my savior,

Rachel