Jay was riding on the Box last night and while we were waiting to pick him up (his shift was over at 8), Em started complaining that she felt nauseous, etc. Fifteen minutes before we were supposed to get Jay, he called to say that they'd just been called out on another call and didn't know when they would be back. We occupied our time by playing Dutch Blitz (Daniel and I), working on paperwork (mom and dad) and feeling sick (Emily). Finally, the little kids went to bed because it had been over an hour since they'd run the call, and Jay still hadn't called. At about 9:45 dad and I went to the Station to pick Jay up, and discussed some very lively things from Life Purpose Planning on the way there. One of the things we discussed (ironically) was that if there was one thing I couldn't imagine doing, it was nursing. I hate the needles, seeing people in pain, etc. My dad said, "Oh, but if someone needs it you can do it. I've seen you......remember when the LeMasters all got sick and you stayed up with them all night playing 'Clara Barfton'? You can be motivated, but it has to be by necessity in a situation like that." I agreed, little knowing what the night would hold.

When we got back, Jay started to tell us about his day (we always like to hear about every call, his meals at the firehouse, and any other pertinent details) when Emily said that she really wasn't feeling well and said that she was going to go to bed. That's not like her. Anyway, Jay started regaling us with his usual interesting stories; they'd had 9 calls and went out on 7 of them yesterday (a heavy call load for a typical day) although they had only transported two or three times. Apparently, Jay's most memorable call was when dispatch called them out to a "Person Down on Main and Maple." That usually means a TC (traffic collision) so they were a little bewildered that there was no TC followup call. After getting to the corner of Main and Maple, and looking around, they saw no one, and no unusual activity. They radioed back to dispatch saying that they didn't find anything, but then they saw two cars, and one of the occupants was waving them down. They updated dispatch that they had arrived "on scene". The people in the car(s) had been the one(s) to call, because there was apparently a lady laying in the middle of Main Street and almost being hit by oncoming cars. Both cars had pulled over and advised her to move, but she had complained that her knees hurt, and then had taken off on foot. The paramedics spotted her across a field; and went over to her. The woman was clearly inebriated. What ensued was very comical for the paramedics; they had to wait for a sheriff to come and arrest the lady for being drunk in public (her only "medical problem" was that she'd had a few too many drinks). Meanwhile, they carried on a rather interesting "conversation" with her. After they asked what her name was, the woman earnestly handed them a notebook with a bunch of blank sheets in it, and one address/name on one of the pages. "This will tell you all about me," she told them. She was frustrated that they wouldn't let her "walk home", (although she would say that she knew exactly where her house was, they weren't so sure that was the case). They invited her to fulfill a lifelong dream (:D) by "sitting on a firetruck!" while she "waited for her ride." When her "ride" finally showed up, the sheriff was frowning as he got out of the vehicle. "Ma'am, you have a warrant out for your arrest. Please put your hands behind your back!" Her "ride" that night was probably straight to jail. :-D

After Jay finished telling us about all of his calls, and his meals, in depth, Dad, Jay, Mom and I went to bed at about 11, amazed with how late it had gotten. I was trying to get to sleep, and simultaneously trying to quote the verses in Matthew 6 that I learned this week; the two were not a good combination. I kept getting frustrated because I was too tired to think of what came next..........

I jerked awake to realize that Em hadn't been joking about her illness. Yep; she had the flu. No, it wasn't pretty. I felt like I was all thumbs as I tried to get her cleaned up, get the sheets changed, the barf bucket washed out, and other sundry things that I need not elaborate on here. Finally I decided that it would be a good idea to relocate our sleeping quarters to the living room for the night. (Genius, I know.) The rest of the house was still sleeping (despite the racket and lights on), and Em was, by this time, in the shower so I went valiantly in search of some blankets (and pillows) to be used to sleep on in the living room. The problem was, I was still slightly disoriented (well, maybe a little more than slightly) and I couldn't seem to find what I wanted. I did manage to get one blanket down, and a very fine selection of crib sheets and fitted (tiny) twin sheets. Altogether, they would have maybe covered us up to our knees. By this time, mom and dad were stirring so I went in to ask their advice (on what, I don't really know entirely).
They never went beyond the stirring stage, although we did carry on a conversation that went something like this:
Dad: Mhfhmmmm?
Me: Em....threw up....she's got the flu.......I changed the sheets......should I bring Mally to the living room?
Dad: Mhfhmmmm?
Me: Em has the flu. Should I bring Mally to the living room with us? Em's in the shower.
Mom: Mhfhmmmm?
Dad: Em is in the shower? Why?!
Mom (slurred): She has the flu.
Dad: Mhfmmm.
Me: Should I?
Dad: Should you what?
Me: Bring Mally into the living room.
Dad: Yeah.
Me: Okay. I can't find any blankets.
Mom: They should be in the hall cupboard.
Me: I can't find them. I found sheets.
Mom: Mhfmmmm.

Eventually I left the room and did manage to find two crocheted blankets, which I felt sure would have us roasting (for some reason, the fact that it's the middle of December didn't occur to me, and later I woke up in the middle of the night, freezing). Em emerged from the shower, I brought Mally out, got the washing machine going, and other like things. We went to bed. The washing machine (from the living room) was so loud that I couldn't sleep, so finally I covered my ears and started to drift off when a thought occurred to my sleep-deprived brain: what if Em gets sick again in the night and I have my ears covered and can't hear her?

Dutifully, I uncovered my ears and went back to sleep.

About two years ago my dad and I were driving somewhere late at night and I was babbling something about "courtship". He was fairly silent up to this point, but then said, simply, "Well, you know, I'm not sure I believe in courtship."

I stared at him, speechless. But you've taught me all of my life that I'm going to save my heart for the man I marry, and that I will honor you and seek your counsel by insisting that any man that marries me has your prior permission and approval.

I had the good sense to say, "What do you mean by that?"

He responded, "Nicole, there are a lot of good men out there. Men who have perhaps never heard of the old-fashioned terms and who know little else than the traditional. These are men who would possibly never think of approaching me first, but would instead come straight to you in pursuit. Just because a man did that would not disqualify him from being interested in you. If a guy goes to you someday and asks you out or tells you that he wants to pursue a relationship with you, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be that he had never heard of getting a pre-check from the dad."

I agreed, mostly because I knew that what he was saying was sound. But inside, I always thought, that might be true for some people. But it would never be true for me.

God has worked in my heart a lot in relationship to romantic things. When I was even fifteen and sixteen, I had some sort of opinion that if I wrote everything I was looking for in a spouse down on paper, God would somehow consider that the magic wand to getting me exactly what I wanted. True, I wouldn't have put it in those terms, but if you actually asked me about it, after I had read such stories as Jennie Chancey's, I felt confident that God would give me what I considered to be the perfect man for me. Not all of my conceptions were childish; I had a great list of things which included his various theological positions on things, his motivations in life, and a slew of character qualities which I wanted him to possess. (All good things, mind you.) I also added a few short things in which I hoped that we would feel romantically inclined towards one another, and that the marriage wouldn't be obligatory. It sounded nice, and you probably couldn't have pinpointed anything on the entire list that wasn't a good thing to hope for in a husband.

 

In the last few years, God has taken me through a bit of a "roller-coaster" with my thoughts on romance, prying from me certain things that I had been holding onto outside His will, and instilling in me new concepts and ideas that I hadn't considered before. Since I was young (probably eleven or twelve) I have always said that I would use "Courtship" as the means whereby I would get to the altar. To define courtship would have been a little difficult, but I think I can summarize it here---a guy would like me (hopefully without me knowing about his attention), he would go to my dad, my dad would provide a thorough process whereby he "evaluated" the young man, the young man would approach me with the possibility of getting to know me better, we would proceed with that, eventually fall in love, and he would marry me (hopefully all in a short matter of time). I didn't believe necessarily that any of those things were sacred or that the process whereby I would end up as a Mrs. So-and-so could be only fulfilled through courtship, but then again, I didn't see any viable alternatives to the exact way I had "planned" it out.

 

God has been teaching me a lot, I think--and hope--about such things especially in the last few months, through a variety of circumstances. The first came from a courtship of some family friends where the couple had met eachother at a youth function, had officially began courting several months later, and who had seemed to abide by every rule in the book. After awhile, I saw that their courtship was starting to put a "bad taste in my mouth" as their relationship seemed lifeless and so cautious that it seemed they had ruined any semblance of happiness (other than a superficial kind). The next came in discovering ylcf.org, where there were so many diverse stories with so much in common. And several other things happened after that wherein some couples did everything "right" and seemed to get in trouble, and other times when couples seemed to go against what I considered to be "proper" and yet were evidently blessed by God. I began thinking about the "status quo" in relationships...........and God began to work on my heart in a way that I had been unwilling to see before.

 

In short, here is what I think about relationships in general-------

First, I do know a few things, one of those being that it is a Biblical command to "keep [one's] heart". Defining that may be difficult, but we do know that it must be a priority, and therefore we should figure out what it is.

Second, I also know that I am commanded to honor those in authority over me. What "honor" is and what it isn't, I know that it, too, must be a priority, and therefore I should figure out what it is.

Third, the Bible says that marriage is permenant. Therefore, I want to know, going into it, that I am going into something I am willing to persist in for the rest of my life. And, I want to do my very best to try to make sure it is both God's will, and, practically speaking, something I will be happy in.

With those three, there is a theme--finding out God's will. Finding out how to keep one's heart. Finding out how to honor authorities. Just finding out in general! How does one "find out"? How does one guage what God's perspectives are in relationship to each of those questions?

I would venture to say that He reveals it through His spirit. Each person's romance will be different. No two stories will have the same ending. Rather, it's beautiful and healthy that we only have one primary goal in our marriages (and whatever stages lead up to marriage): obey the Lord. It is not a new concept for God to be revealing Himself to individuals, and there are only two states you can be in once he has done that: obedience, or disobedience. What he tells you to do, you do. That may be different for the neighbor down the street or the kid who sits behind you in church on Sundays. That, in fact, will be different for each person. But it is absolutely imperative for success.

Now, onto a bit more of practical issues....there are guidelines that one may set with himself or herself, to ensure accountability. Not just in relationship to marriage, or guy/girl relationships, but in every aspect of life (for instance, if someone has had a problem with alcohol, they may make a conscious decision to stay out of stores that keep it anywhere but behind the counter). I know that we all here believe in standards, and, while our standards may be different from one another, I think we all eventually have the same goal with our standard-setting----keeping accountable. If we obeyed God in each action, there would be no patterned "standard" that we set, because each action would be different. But we are imperfect human beings who struggle with things, and sometimes it can take a predetermined decision to keep us from erring in a given situation.

For me, I have three primary standards that I want to keep for myself; first, personal purity. I don't want to be emotionally entangled with anyone to the point where it distracts me from the Lord. I think people have been bantering over what emotional purity is, and I think that one of the ultimate tests of that, or at least the one that I prefer to use, is this--- does this distract me from serving the Lord? If you are too young to be entertaining such thoughts, or making such plans, the answer would probably be universally, 'Yes'. If you are, however, of marrying age this doesn't mean that you can't think of another person specially, or even perhaps single them out in your mind. But I've heard, and I agree with, an assessment of proper timing for marriage, namely, when both parties can serve the Lord better together than apart. Therefore, even any premarital interest that you have in the other person should spur you onto a closer relationship with Christ. For instance, if a young lady has particularly noticed a young man, the place that her attraction should draw her to is prayer. She should learn reliance, she should learn to be patient, and, most of all, she should learn to be satisfied that God will already do what is absolutely best in the situation. If she finds herself praying selfishly ( i.e. "Lord, please help him to be blinded to every girl but me!") or if she is neglecting prayer altogether (or perhaps finding herself thinking of him instead of what's on the page in front of her during her daily devotions), she knows that she has delved to a place that God wouldn't desire her to be. The second commandment is clear about that--God wants to be number one. Anything that userps Him as holding that title in your life (even after you are married) is unquestionably wrong.

Secondly (in my prior list of standards for myself), I want to allow the man to lead. In a relationship of such a gigantic proportion, (obviously the most important human relationship that a person should generally be in throughout their lives) it is imperative that each party does their part to ensure that God is being glorified. I think that the best way to start the relationship out on the right foot is for the woman to allow the man to initiate, and to lead. This does not in any way indicate a passive attitude. Rather, in much the same way that a wife would pray for an unbelieving husband, believing that her power is greater inside the will of God than outside, a woman can begin to practice the joyful submission that should characterize her wifehood....by letting the man take the first steps, by not assuming anything that he has not explicitly stated, and by not hog-tying him into something he perhaps wasn't ready to be in. This is a big one for girls especially because we often are more impulsive and usually have things figured out more quickly than our male counterparts, who perfer to take things at a slower pace (which in turn causes us to wish that we could just get in and make things happen). So, for me, one big step of mine is that the young man must initiate. I'm not going to try to attract his attention any more than I would walk up and propose. If he is to notice me, it will be through his own motivation alone (not to say that I try to avoid being notice, which I don't. But that I am "normal" all of the time, and when and if someone notices me, that is their issue, not mine. I don't go around asking for attention.)

The third, and final, standard that I set for myself is the issue of authority. Now, God established, from the beginning, three branches of authority, namely, the home, the church, and the law. When one is derelict in their responsibilities, God has created a balance of power to keep each branch in check. Before I go into honoring of my authorities in my choice of spouse, I first want to point out that not every situation is like mine. God has made it fairly easy for me to abide by clear-cut standards of honor and dishonor. But it is not always the same. Thankfully, God has provided all three branches as authority, and honoring the authority should (primarly) be able to be carried out by one means or another. I know that not many people on this forum, perhaps, have problems with this type of thing, but I will be very honest in saying that sometimes the situations those of us believe in as far as "parental approval" do not carry in every situation. There are some extreme situations which, while they should be taken as far as they possibly can in obedience, end in an other-than-fairytale manner. For instance, some young women who have been in cults and/or have had their marriages arranged through something of that nature have no choice but to appeal to the third branch of authority, namely, the law. There is no compulsory charge towards young women to obey anything that their parents or their church says in direct opposition to the word of God. Another, less extreme, situation would be in a time where parents disagreed with a girl's choice of spouse and church agreed, as well as law agreeing. In such a case, each person must do what God directs them to....but again, there is no going back on honor. Do it right the first time. If I want to marry a guy and my father cautions me against it, I will listen to him because I know that "The heart of a king is as rivers of water; [the Lord] directeth it withersoever he will." God speaks through parents, and always has. In fact, in the Bible there is a strong theme of reliance upon authorities (especially parents) and there are dozens of promises about how God blesses one who does honor their authority. In many situations, God waits just on the other side of compromise. Often, for instance, I have heard of parents who have voiced their cautions and had their children heed them, only to discover that it was a "test" from God in the relationship and that He eventually granted both the grace to deal with difficult things that the parents were doing, as well as the couple eventually being happily married and in their parents' will. Alternately, there have been some couples who have listened to their parents for a seemingly "perfect" person and, upon heeding their parents' counsel, have understood perhaps years or even tens of years later why their parents said what they said (optimally, the parents will have enough communication with their children to have specific resonings why they disagree with a certain person, but, even in the case of, say, unsaved parents, with no "resoning" behind their actions, the Lord does work through them). On the flip side, I have seen couples who have gone against their parents' wishes, only to their detriment, and have seen some things in their future spouse that they never saw coming, and that their parents could have advised them against. The rules about honoring authority are universal, and God does not offer any options but to heed them. However, there are some situations in which the young person must be wise as to what that exactly means; there are numerous situations in which alternate authorities must be consulted. Proverbs says that in the "multitude of counsellors is safety". When, say, a father has abandoned his family duties ( i.e. he is in prison, or has no ties to the family, etc.) often a young couple should search out the approval of their church family and/or trusted friends or relatives. God is faithful to direct in each situation.
Anyway, now with those disclaimers out of the way.........with me, it is imperative that my dad (or, in the case of something prohibiting that, an equivalent alternative authority figure) approves of the man I marry. If a guy asks me out, in fact, I generally will have this view---"Before I get to know you very well, why don't we see what my dad thinks of you; he's a guy, he's a great judge of character, and he wants the very best for me." Not the hardest of requests. My dad isn't an ogre waiting to sabotage my life. Instead, he strives to give me the very best, and time and again he has proven that he is worthy of evaluating situations and people better than I can. I don't necessarily consult him because I feel like I can't do it on my own, but then again, I do know that he provides a perspective that I really could never do on my own. He knows me well--he knows my ideosynchrosies, he knows my problems, and he knows what type of man I would work best with. He's also a guy, uninhibited by the romantics that would definitely be prevalent in any relationship I would be involved in, and thus has the potential to see anything that I'm missing. I also value the opinions of my brother Jay, and my family and church family. In general, I'm not just marrying a guy. I'm marrying his family. And he's not just marrying me, but he's becoming a part of my family. It's important that we all sense God's leading in whatever we are doing. My dad's protection isn't stifling. It's freeing. It will also free the young man to see how I will go about responding to his leadership--do I honor my dad even behind his back? If so, the young man will guess that I probably won't overstep his own authority as a woman later on in life. God has numerous promises to those who respect their authorities, and numerous problems facing those who don't, and I plan on being--for my sake and for God's--in the center of His will by obeying him in such an important matter.

So, basically, that's what I have decided to do. I have held onto numerous "standards" for the particulars of my relationship, most of which I have realized are unnecessary in the first place. I no longer hold onto big series of progressive lists about what will happen each step of my courtship. I know that God is bigger than a box, and that, generally, the only qualifications He has are ones that can take a million different scenarios and make them divinely appointed.

To recap, I want to be personally pure. (That includes the time that I'm in a romance, and, no, I don't exactly know what that means yet, but, God will probably not have any problems explaining once I get to that point). I want to be submissive. To let the guy lead. And I want to be under authority. I want to be willing to abide by the counsel of my parents and other authorities throughout my love story. And I don't want to box God in. I don't want to assume that everything in my story will read like a fairytale. I don't want to assume that it will be one way or another. I don't even want to put down lots of guidelines about the kind of person that I want to marry, or the rules that we will have during our courtship, or how long we believe that the relationship should take, or what its prerequisites are, or anything else that leads up to the aisle. Instead, I want to have this one goal in front of me: is God pleased? If I can answer that with satisfaction, I already know that I'm doing everything else right.

Nowadays, I no longer look at my dad in horror when he says that he maybe doesn't believe in courtship. Instead, I understand what he means--I understand that it is foolish to box God in with terms and rules. Instead, there is freedom in restricting ourselves to the ultimate standard, that of His perfection. He will direct. Even if my story surprises me with how it is carried out, I can rest assured that the God who has been guiding men and women for tens of centuries is still capable of doing so in the world we live in today. Whether my story is characterized by reserve or whether God chooses for it to be trademarked by freedom...that is His choice. All I know is that the requirement from me, now, is that I be willing to follow when He leads into it.

It can be hard to trust Him with the unknown. Sometimes making all sorts of rules seems easier, because we tend to think that God will follow our guidelines and grant us the perfect sequence that we have come up with. But it takes faith to believe that God wants to do beyond what we could ask or think. He wants to bless us with something that He has preordained for us.

The only rule, the only prerequisite, to a marriage according to His will, is, I daresay, childlike faith and simple obedience. Without them, no relationship with even the most perfect of rules can succeed. With them, God is faithful in showing you His rules....one by one, time and time again. Getting to the altar is not supposed to be done by following a rulebook. It's instead supposed to be done by following the Lord, through each step--easy and hard steps alike--into His perfect will.

It's a place that might not be like anything your expectations painted it to be, but it will be righteous, it will be holy, and it will be good.
 

Happy Birthday.....

....to two of the dearest people in the world!!!!

September 4, 1989

Beth Anne Tonning

Beth has been one of the sweetest friends I've ever had! When I first met her over three years ago, I could have never known how much God would do in our lives and how close we would be! She balances me out perfectly....and always impresses me with her godliness and ability to stand with me through thick and thin.

She has so many amazing qualities!!! She can start interesting and rousing discussions, and yet is also a great listener. She can be adventurous, and also has a great spirit of meekness and femininity and graciousness. She's an amazing pianist, but she doesn't boast or act prideful about her many skills.

We've been through so much together. Church conflicts, family issues and friendship difficulties have only served to bring us closer to one another and to the Lord. Sundays--the days I normally see her--have come to be a definite highlight of every week for me!! She's the type of person who can run around and challenge your oldest brother and his five best friends to a fight and win, and yet can sit and discuss practical matters with eloquence for two hours.

Only God could have orchestrated our friendship! Beth's amazing godliness and the qualities that make her such an incredible friend are all His doing. I rejoice often that God has seen fit to allow me to be friends with Beth Tonning!!!

I love you, Beth!!!! You're such an inspiration and encouragement to me.

....and....

Elizabeth "Connie" Cheryl McCauley

September 6, 1989

Connie has been an amazing friend! I never guessed, when I met her last October, that she would become such a good friend. I also never guessed that we would actually meet in person, and God saw fit that we were able to. What an amazing God He is!!!

Connie is my greatest fan and encourager. If I'm having a bad day, she'll always look at things optomistically and enthusiastically. Her trademark smilies and bright ways of viewing life are always such a balance to me, especially when I tend to get a little sarcastic.

She shares many interests with me, and we have a mutual love of our family, ATI, CDF and How They Kept the Faith!! We've been encouraged to discover that we have almost identical standards in many of the practical issues of life, and agree almost across-the-board on theological issues.

We were privileged to meet this year in Sacramento. The story unfolded quite interestingly.....she had just moved from Arizona and was really disappointed about not being able to come to an ATI conference. I was so encouraged by her disposition regarding the whole thing, though. She was determined to have a great week during the week of Sacramento, even going as far as hosting a little CI for her brother David. I was amazed! At the last minute, God provided the opportunity for Mrs. McCauley, David and Elizabeth to come out to Sacramento. Then I persuaded them to stay in our hotel! I was getting excited. Finally, the day of their flight came. I asked my parents if we could please, pretty please, meet them at the airport as a surprise. Through various circumstances, it looked like we wouldn't be able to, but, again, at the last second, God made provision. We went to the airport, and I discovered that their flight had already come in! I started running towards baggage claim, and slowed suddenly when I saw a girl standing there in a black skirt and hot pink shirt. It had to be Connie!!!!! I was suddenly shy, then yelled, "ELIZABETH!"

She whirled and I remember her clutching at her chest and looking a bit ready to faint.
"Nicole?!"

"Connie?!"

And our hearts have been echoing it ever since!!!!!

I love you, dear Connie. Thanks for being my greatest supporter, a godly example to me, and one of the dearest and most precious friends I've ever had!!!!!

Finally, some pictures from the Hemet CI!!!

Jay and I leading Large Assembly....

My good friend Elisa playing the part of Margaret (aka "Crybaby")

Yours truly!

The whole staff!!! *whistles* Aren't they all sharp-looking?!?!?

Toria, our funloving mystery rose lady!

Me and the best guy on the entire planet!!!!!!!!

Staff time at the Medinas

Staff shoes....neat picture, huh?!?

Dutch Blitz....a favorite pasttime! Andrew and I got fairly good at playing as a team....I always had the flip stack. In the round above, Josh joined us.

Kevin.... "If it's a habit, son, you've gotta kick it."

Roses are red, violets are blue....this is beautiful, and so are you! --Kevin

Elisa and Matthew, in a skit. Elisa is playing the part of a, erm, "food critic".

Hockenstock.....my favorite skit of the entire week!!!

The guys.....

The ladies.....

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!

Some Sacramento pictures, with more (the Lord willing) to follow.....

What a trip! I'll try to share more details later, but for now here are just some favorite pictures!!!!

Brookies and trout from Fern Lake

Off the beach at June Lake.....brrr!!!

Nathan and Mally--the hiking buddies.

From our campsite....

Waterfall below Fern Lake.

"No guts, no glory."

Campfire....

Me, after our hike to Fern.

Altogether, the whole trip netted over 100 fish.

The first time I'd ever cuaght a fish---and I ended up catching my limit that day!

Emily, Heatherlyn, Joy and Bonnie (dog).

Heatherlyn

Danny's first fish

A bike gathering!

Joshua....

Jay, in the creek....

The whole gang.....

"The Lord hath done great things for us, of which we are glad!"

A Tribute to Two Dear Friends

By Nicole Hearn

I distinctly recall the first time that we attended our church, Christian Family Fellowship. July 6, 2003. My mom suggested that we ‘try that little home church that we heard about’ and my dad said, ‘Hey, you know, we might give it a try’. I inquired as to the details, and they said that they knew only that the church, located ‘somewhere in Apple Valley’, started at 10:30 on Sunday mornings. Not a lot to go on. We knew that it was a Vision Forum church, and so my parents had the novel idea of running home, getting on the internet, somehow finding the Uniting Church and Home site (which we had never visited before), locating the church address, and obtaining directions. The only problem was that at the time they made this decision it was 10:15 a.m. For those of you who know me well, you know that I hate being late places. Punctuality is one of my pet peeves. I immediately presented the obvious reasons why we should not take this course of action. “First of all, we’re going to be late. Who wants to be late on their very first Sunday? What kind of impression is that, huh?! And plus, I’m not sold on this home-church idea. Just because we meet some lady in the orthodontist’s office who is wearing a skirt does not mean that we are automatically going to find perfect bliss in membership at her church. Mom? Dad? Are you…listening?” They weren’t. They were too busy jumping out of the van, running for the computer, trying to get hooked up to the internet (we had sloooooow dialup then) and going onto visionforum.com. I started getting frightened. They were really serious about this thing! Church-hopping was not something our family had ever really done at all, so I was not used to visiting ‘foreign’ churches. Before I knew it, they had come out, waving a slip of paper with directions to the church. “We found it!” I didn’t ask how, but inwardly I groaned.

The real reason I didn’t want to go to CFF was because I was afraid of what the people there would be like. For all of my nearly-16 years of life up to that point, I had attended a church where our family didn’t ‘fit in’ and I wasn’t friends with anyone. However, since there was a membership of several thousand people, it was much easier to blend. I thought, ‘What if the people at this church are just like the people at the other church, only…there are fewer of them?” I was worried that I would stick out like a sore thumb.

As these thoughts were pulsing through my head, and as 10:30 came and went, we were busy driving towards Apple Valley, trying to stumble our way through the directions from the website. Finally, we turned onto a road where I saw two fifteen-passenger vans pulled up near a house. Oh, no. That’s gotta be it.

We stopped, and immediately saw lots of people come out and begin staring at us. Conspicuously absent was the lady who had invited us. She probably isn’t even here this morning. Well, I’d better prepare for a lot of embarrassment over the next few hours!

Lots of children. Now that, I could get to love. At our ‘old’ church there had been at best an apathy towards large families, and, being fond of them myself, I had always desired to be in a congregation that shared my thoughts on that. Had I know that all of the children staring at us from the front yard were from only two families, my fears of the church probably would have evaporated at once. However, I didn’t know that.

I saw a lady wearing a pretty flowered blue dress, holding a baby, and thought she looked nice. She was basically the first person I actually noticed. My dad was at the picket fence, clearing his throat uncomfortably.

“Um…hello. Is there church here this morning?”

The lady in the blue dress spoke up immediately. “Yes, there is!”

“May we….come?”

“Yes! You may!”

I think I was blushing to my hair roots. A quarter of an hour late, crashing a church service. Not exactly what I do for fun.

We went inside, and one lady, who apparently owned the house, started apologizing all over herself. “We’ve never been this late before! We are so sorry! We’re just getting ready to start services!”

Not late after all. I couldn’t believe it. Now where was the lady who had invited us?

Not there. Uh-oh.

I plopped down on the couch, silent, looking around. The house didn’t look scary. The people really didn’t look scary. But who could tell those things? We’d only been there five minutes.

The service began. We shared some hymnbooks. A guy stood up and talked. The preacher, I guessed.

After the closing prayer, there was a momentary silence and then everyone was hustling and bustling about, preparing food. Of course. We didn’t bring any food.

I, being the shy person that I am, hardly helped a lick, but mostly just looked wide-eyed at the people around me. They all looked very nice, but I think we were all shy of eachother.

Suddenly, without cue at all, the entire room burst into song. They were singing, well, “different” words to the doxology. I was confused.

We thank Thee, Lord, for this our food!

But more because of Jesus’ blood!

Let manna to our souls be giv’n

The bread of life sent down from heav’n.

Amen!

Everyone started eating. I guess that was the universal call to Lunch.

Finally, the lady-with-the-blue-dress-and-the-baby came up to me. “Hi,” she said, “I’m Beth.”

No last name. Well, okay. If she doesn’t want me to call her ‘Mrs. So-and-so’ then I won’t!

“I’m….um…Nicole.”

“It’s nice to meet you! You’re the oldest in your family?”

“Yes. I’m…fifteen.”

“Oh, that’s nice! I’m thirteen.”

I froze.

 Thirteen?

She was still toting around the baby, and I had been convinced she was one of the mothers in the church.

“Oh. I thought you were….a mother. I guess it was…that you look…old…and…I guess…it was the….dress.”  (To this day, that’s my favorite dress on her, and one of my favorite memories).

Grace must have been introduced quite as unexpectedly as Beth sometime that afternoon. I’m sure it surrounded some type of spill that she was cleaning up, for my dad said, when we left later that evening, “That Grace girl sure has a servants’ spirit.”

That day something happened to me that I have never quite been able to put into words. I learned to love that church more on that one Sunday, learned to love those people more over the next three weeks, than I had loved church or fellowship in the almost-16 years of life before that.

And then came the fourth week. My dad said that he wans’t sure we would be going back. We had all loved the church, of course, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to leave our then-church, Calvary Chapel, and there were some other tumultuous things going on in our lives. When that prospect came up, I realized how much, in three weeks, that the church, and Grace and Beth Tonning in particular, had come to mean to me. I wrote in my journal,

August 24, 2003

Last week we didn’t go to the Tonning’s church and I was really having a struggle leaving the whole situation in God’s hands. Monday night I spoke to Chance (from the church) at a Casino meeting, and he wondered why we hadn’t been in the service. When he left, he called, “See you Sunday,” and I said, “Okay”.

All this week mom said she didn’t think dad wanted to keep going there anymore. I was disappointed but wrestled with not showing my disappointment. Saturday, I asked dad (actually, I think it was Friday) if we could go to the Tonnings’ and he said, “No, I don’t think we’re going to be going there anymore.” I said okay and tried not to show my disappointment.

Wow! This was the same girl who, four weeks before, had been trying any and everything that she could to get her parents to stay away from what she was convinced would be impending doom!

God worked on our hearts, bringing us to a realization of what we truly had in CFF. I had always been surrounded by people who knew me, but I don’t think that, at that point in my life, I could call anyone true kindred-spirit friends, people who were as committed to God as I wanted to be, and who had a lot of fun along the way. Over those next six months, Grace and Beth Tonning came to be, unquestionably, the closest friends I have ever had outside of our family. I came to think of them with the highest regard, and came to enjoy their fellowship, seeing Sundays as the highlight of my week! Their family, so refreshingly unshackled from either legalism or liberalism, was like a breath of fresh air to me. The whole church revolutionized my perspective of Christianity, and of Christians. Our family came to cherish our times at CFF every week, feeling like we had become a big happy family.

In July I will have called Grace and Beth my friends for three years. They’ve been three of the best years of my life. We’ve gone through so much together. There is hardly a thing that I like better than our weekly strolls around the backyard, catching up on eachother’s week, sharing whatever is on our hearts, and laughing until we cry. We’ve become much closer than I had ever dreamed possible that first Sunday when I was hanging back by the now-so-familiar picket gate, hesitant to go in. Praise the Lord that my parents chose to visit the church. It has given me a great time of my life, great families with which to fellowship, a level of depth in my Christian walk that had been previously uncultivated. I praise the Lord for Grace and Beth Tonning, for the Tonning family, for all of the families, both past and present, who have been at CFF.

I have made so many memories with Grace and Beth, too many, and indeed to precious, to put into words. I love them so much! We’ve had our times of trial, and I am pleased to say that we’ve made it through each ‘crisis’ stronger, and more godly, than before. They’ve been great to grow with, and great to laugh with. From playing in the back yard, to watching foster kids together, to making gingerbread houses, to playing music together, to caring for sick children, to debating theological issues!

Grace, Beth and I are dissimilar almost as much as three close friends could be. Grace is quiet and demure, always serving, never requiring recognition for what she’s done, but she has a lively side, and also an adventurous spirit that sometimes surprises us all. She always knows what to say at the right time, and always stays calm in crisis situations. Unlike Beth and I, Grace has no trouble dealing with blood, and for that reason we usually call her when anyone has been injured. Beth loves the outdoors, can out-shoot and out-wrestle a boy twice her size anyday (or a couple of them) and can be intimidating if she’s headed for you with a switch raised. But she’s affectionate, and knows when to talk to me, or when just to hold my hand and remind me that she’s there for me. Both are feminine, without being at all mousey, and both have a meekness that radiates from them. They’ve counseled me, and have shared sweet fellowship with me, so often that I have come to rely on them as a part of my close circle of confidantes.

I am so grateful for them. More than I can say. They’ve been through so much with me, and, because of it, I have come forth a better person, one closer to the ideal of being like Christ.

To the lady-in-the-blue-dress and the girl-with-the-servant’s-spirit, thanks for being my dear friends, and my sisters in Christ. I love you!

Friday night at about 9:00 my grandma's doorbell rang, five times. She lives alone, so she went to peek out a window and see who was there. No one. She was puzzled and went back to what she was doing. She caught sight of a car that belongs to some, ah, less than desirable neighbors who live close to her, driving down the road. About fifteen minutes later, her doorbell rang five times again. She went to the window; this time, it was that aforementioned less-than-desirable neighbor, who had parked her car in front of my grandma's house. My grandma didn't answer the door (obviously) but she was rather frightened, thinking that perhaps mischief was up.

At 10:40 she went into her bedroom, and had closed the door and was brushing her teeth, when her house alarm went off.

Her alarm is programmed to call our house with a message, "A possible robbery is in progress at (her address). Please press zero to listen in." I heard the phone ring and woke up. When I heard the alarm message on our message machine, I knew I should do something about it. My parents were half-asleep and didn't answer the phone. Until someone presses one to listen in, her alarm keeps dialing different numbers for us ( i.e. my dad's cell, mom's cell). I heard my dad's cell ring, and he answered it, "Hello?" but then hung up. I knew that I should do something. J So I jumped up out of bed, and heard that my mom's cell had been ringing, and that she had answered it. She sounded panicked. "I'm listening in! I can hear her talking to someone!"

I came barreling into the room. "Should I call 911?" I ran for my cell phone. My mom wasn't saying anything (just listening in). Just as I was about to dial the police, she said, "I can hear her talking to the police." So at least she had called them. Mom hung up and dialed grandma's phone. It rang, and grandma picked up.

My dad was, meanwhile, throwing his shoes on to go down there (she lives about ¾ mile away from us, on our street). Grandma thought someone was definitely in her house. My dad was hurrying.

I went to wake up Jay. He was disoriented, to put it mildly. He thought I was waking him up in the morning so that he could go to his Fire Duty (more on that later). Finally, when I conveyed the message, he got up. My mom handed them a baseball bat (I know, some weapon! Thankfully, my grandma was armed). Off they went.

We were crying out before the Lord. I was surprised at the depth of feeling with which we all prayed (my mom, Emily, and I, left behind at home). I wanted to be in the action, and I was afraid for my grandma, for my dad, and for Jay. My grandma is not a Christian, and we pled with God for her salvation!

The phone rang. It was the alarm message again. I pressed to listen in. I could hear my grandma talking, in the distance. I thought I heard dad or Jay talking, too. That meant she had left her bedroom. I felt a little more relaxed.

When Jay and Dad had arrived at Grandma's house, they'd seen the car out front. Both of them were scared, and my dad told Jay, "Aim for the head." Jay waited, poised, with the baseball bat while dad circled the car with a flashlight. Nobody was in the car. Dad told Jay, "If we hear Grandma screaming, kick down the front door." My dad called my grandma, and told them they were outside. She said that she was coming to the door. As she opened the door, the police arrived. Grandma was in a surprisingly good mood (she told me the next day that she'd always wondered what she would do if someone broke into her house, but that, when faced with the situation, she felt surprisingly safe—due in most part to the fact that she was armed). She told Jay, "Tell the policeman that he may come in, but whatever he does, don't let him sit on the couch. There's a G-U-N under the pillow."

Yes, it had been an alarm malfunction. The first time her alarm has ever done that. What a night for that to happen! We were all quite traumatized afterwards, but praised God that nothing serious had happened!

The next morning Jay had to be at the Fire Station bright and early. He was working his first shift as a Fire Explorer. They taught him a few things, and then the first call came, and from there on out he was one of only three people to ride Box 1! (In emergency services, the "box" is the ambulance). They had quite a day. They had to transport four people to the Emergency Room, and they had one airlift. They treated Jay like he had been doing the stuff all his life instead of only for one morning. He was responsible for checking the vitals, taking oxygen level, blood pressure, and pulse stats, hooking up the heart monitor leads, and getting people on gurneys, etc. He enjoyed himself a lot, but it was quite an experience! He got along with the firefighters and medics really well. He also took four trips to the Emergency Room and said that it was surprising to be in an ER room as a medical representative. The people on the Box were treated just like nurses, Jay said! They had a variety of folks….one guy with pneumonia, two fall victims, one very belligerent lady (who was doing such things as demanding Diet Pepsi's while she was being transported!) and a lady who had been in an accident where a horse fell on top of her (yes, she was airlifted).

Sunday morning we went to Church. I love my church!!! I love the people at church!!!! J We had a great picnic-type lunch after church service, with hot dogs, chili, lots of watermelon and fruit salads, a great taco casserole that Mrs. Ambrose made, and lots of good desserts, including Krispy Kreme donuts! Ahh! I love my church! (Wait, I'm repeating myself).

We had to leave at 2:30 L to go prepare for our evening's activities. We were supposed to be leading a group at the Child Evangelism Fellowship booth for the S.Bdo. County Fair. We'd never done anything of the sort before, so I was a little nervous. The one job I didn't envy was the one to attract the kids, since I am so shy around strangers. Well, God obviously has a sense of humor, because that's the job that I got….and absolutely loved. I felt the Lord working all throughout that day! It was great! We spoke to a total of 56 adults and children. I overcame so many obstacles in my faith as I was the one standing out front to call out, "Hi! How are you doing today?" to everybody, including scary, and really scary, people! J

Our pastor's family came to the Fair to see us! It was really fun! We had a great time together. We go again on Saturday for another four-hour shift.

It was a very crazy, very great weekend!

 Like the new layout?

I've changed a few times now, and, at least temporarily, I like this one best.

Well, it's official.

I'm going. 

Some of you have heard hints about this trip, but I don't think anyone has heard the complete set of details, so I might as well start from the beginning. About a month or so ago, I was on the ATI website and happened to be looking at the open staff positions right now. One caught my eye immediately. It was at the ALERT Academy , required a 2-month time commitment, and was for an Events Coordinator. After reading the job description, I thought it sounded like something I would desire to pursue. I wrote down the information and then forgot about it for a few weeks, thinking that my dad would probably not be in favor of me going. But when VVC was starting to schedule things for next year's Foster/Kinship Care Education schedule (starting July 1, I am part-time VVC faculty, as an FKCE Trainer) I thought that I had better speak up before the scheduling actually happened, or forget about going. I thought, What can it hurt? So I brought it up to my dad, using my ever-preferred method of communication....a letter. I waited nervously while he read it, and when he was done he said, "That sounds like it would be alright." (If you don't know my dad well, and don't know what a surprise that last sentence is intended to create in your mind, ask me about it later. :-D)

That started the process in motion. The next morning I called ALERT, and after several phone calls back and forth with various folks including Mrs. Tanner (the wife of the Director), it looked like they would appreciate having me the months of October and November. Planning (or, helping to plan) Family Camp (October 7-14) was something I really wanted to participate in, and there were four other things "thrown in" that would be exciting, too (such as the ALERT graduation in November). I still didn't think that my dad would actually let me go, and I had mixed feelings about the trip myself. It would obviously be the longest time I'd been away from home before, and being away from my family is not something I typically enjoy doing on a frequent basis. But there were also the benefits--with the experience, and the chance to further a ministry that I am indebted to, and the opportunity to be working with some likeminded folks.

The biggie was going to be talking to the Director of the FKCE program at VVC. I told her about the program, the opportunity, and then said, "But I know that, obviously, I have obligations here and I'm not just going to abandon those."

Her support was immediate and surprisingly positive. She made an announcement in a Staff Meeting that the program was proud to have a "representative" with the kinds of responsibilities I would be taking on, and that they would all endeavor to "cover" for me while I was gone. She gave me her full permission.

Wow! Things were really starting to get rolling! I waited for a few days on a call from Transportation (from DFW, it's a 5-hour roundtrip event to get someone to Big Sandy) but finally yesterday I spoke to the Transportation Director and he said that everything "was going to work out". This morning my parents, siblings and I had a pow-wow and by the time my dad left for work I had made my airline ticket purchase and was scheduled to be in Big Sandy from September 30 through November 18!

I'll be in Big Sandy, Texas (about 2 1/2 hours east of Dallas. (See here for a map of Dallas and Big Sandy)The week after I come will be Family Camp...for those of you who haven't been the internet site is here. I'll also be present for several other events, banquets, etc. The single girls (of which I'll be part) live in a house about a mile from the main campus, in the nicest of the houses in the gated staffhousing section. Usually the girls walk to and from "work" (always in at least pairs). I'll have all of my food, etc. provided through the staff kitchen, so that will be nice. On Friday nights they have...a...sort-of "event" where all of the families get together to have dinner, play volleyball, and various other activities. Sunday mornings there are several options for "churching". There are local congregations that are conservative, and also a Campus Fellowship (think: home church) that's unofficially run on campus. Since I'm pretty comfortable in home churches, I'll probably decide to go to the Campus Fellowship, but we'll see how things go. Sunday evenings there are services for everybody, including the staff, families and ALERT battalion (yep, guys separate from the others!), in the Campus Chapel. That will be lots of fun! :-D

Anyhow, just wanted to let you all know about the plans, how the Lord has led, and how things are "taking shape". I'm excited to be going, and excited to be seeing what God will do.

More on all of this as the time when I leave approaches.