• Sep. 19, 2006 - Why I Wait
Today, Samuel reminded me. He reminded me why I wait, why I guard my
heart. I ran across a link which showed less than two minutes of his
life—and not a single word from his mouth—but enough to bring
unexpected tears springing to my eyes.
Recently I’ve been feeling very conflicting emotions regarding
marriage. I wish for it, probably more than I have at any other time in
my life, but in a different way. I do not so much look forward to the
romantic part of it anymore. Especially in the last year, God has
broadened my view of marriage to include the fellowship that such a
relationship brings, and the working together towards a higher calling,
and greater goals, than could have ever been accomplished apart. I find
myself wanting it, awaiting its coming with eagerness.
My dad asked me a question a few months ago—Nicole, do you worry that you won’t ever get married?
The answer to the question is surprisingly complex; yes, I worry. I
worry that there won’t ever be anyone, or, worse, that there will be
someone, but the wrong someone. I worry that I’ll have to tell a young
man ‘no’, and then wonder for the next decade if I turned down
something that was really God’s best. I worry that I’m not an
attractive enough possibility; I worry that somehow I’ll be the very
last available girl among my friends. But my biggest worry is this; as
I wait, does he think that I’m worth waiting for, too? Will the man I
marry simply “settle” for me? Or will I be worth guarding his heart
for, will he go about his days willing to work—and wait—for me until
God brings us together? Am I worth that?
I want to be worth that. I want to guard my heart, not just for myself,
but to be worthy of him. Someday. When God ordains it. Not any sooner.
I don’t want to wish for marriage when God hasn’t sent it along yet. I
want to happily wait, to rest in the Lord’s provision, and trust that
as I wait, he is out there waiting somewhere, too, working to be worthy
as I work to be worthy of him.
Back to Samuel, his reminder was a perfect one for today. A reminder
that strengthens my resolve to wait. To trust. And to be the kind of
woman that is worthy of a man who is also willing to wait.
Watch Samuel’s video here.
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• Sep. 19, 2006 - Untitled Comment
I love you! :)