Yup there's that dreaded *S* word that many a women cringe when they hear it.

I have to admit I've done it many times and stated to myself and aloud that *no man would tell me what to do* Now reason's for this would be because of childhood and witnessing the *man* going to far in the submission factor.

So that set me up for rebelling and going complete opposite in how I should be treated. So much so that *I* basically became what I would consider and *abusive wife* in the sense of verbally. I had so much hate inside me that I was horrible to live with.

I love my husband with all my heart and he's wonderful. He's been through many things with me, lately it would be my walk with the Lord. I don't force him to attend church or any of that. So I'm hoping that my walk with the Lord will eventually lead my wonderful dh to him as well.

Recently I've been making changes, things that I've felt I need to do in order to be a better wife and mother. One would be the fact of wearing dresses more and praying about headcoverings. This is a step that many women don't agree with and everyone has their right to agree and disagree with anything. So I'm not at all saying its the *way* things should be. Because I'm new to it all and its just something placed upon my heart and mind.

I do have to say that since I've made the change in wearing dresses I've felt more at ease and find myself doing more things for my dh that I normally didn't used to do. Being just kind and generous. In the end I feel wonderful about it all.

Is that submission? I would like to consider it to be.

I'm still a work in progress, but the reality is there's less stress on me then in the past years. And I feel this is the way *I* should live my life.

Of course I'm still learning about submission and all the stuff that goes with it. So if you have any reading material that would be good for me to check out pass the information on.

Actually I have a good friend that wrote a wonderful entry on this very thing. To read it just go to THIS blog. Very eye opening for me indeed after I read her wonderful words

Yesterday I posted about something that happened over the weekend and an eye opener, but I was in a rush and didn't get everything written down. So here I am hoping I can get it all this time.

Last time I mentioned about the flashlight that I read in the Devotional in my Women's Devotional Bible.

There was also something in there about Adam and Eve, something that really struck me when I read it over.

This is the whole Devotional, The Author is June Hunt and its in the Women's Devotional Bible, the NIV, on page 1253, for anyone that might have this bible.

The Holy Spirit

The blackout took my neighborhood by surprise. Suddenly in total darkness, I inched my way to the bedside table and fumbled for the flashlight. What frustration...it didn't work. How useless - a flashlight that didn't function.

Just as useless is the person unable to function according to God's Devine plan. Why? Because God originally designed the human spirit to contain the Holy Spirit. In the garden, Adam and Eve had perfect oneness with God. The Holy Spirit lived in their human spirits and enlightened every aspect of their lives. Once they pronounced their "declaration of independence" from God, however, sin came in and the Spirit went out. The pair were like a flashlight without batteries; with no power on the inside, there was no light on the outside. They spiraled downward into spiritual darkness.

Yet God did not give up on all those who were to be born into that same darkness. "The lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man." Priverbs 20:27. God desired to reunite the Holy Spirit with the human spirit so that they could again be one.

When you feel the frustration of wandering in the dark, know that the Lord has already provided the perfect guide for your life. For "when he the Spirit of thruth, comes, he will guide you into all truth." John 16:13. Your own personal Counselor, Conscience, Convictor and Comforter fills your soul - your mind, will and emotions - with perfect truth. He teaches your mind, directs your will and guides your emotions. As a result, those who are joined to the Spirit better understand spiritual things 1 Corinthians 2:!4

Like the flashlight, you were designed to shine; but you can never shine with your own power. THe Holy Spirit provides the power to produce the light. And once you shine as you were intended to shine, you will never be useless!

Now like I mentioned this isn't for all those out there. No need pushing religion on others, and this entry is NOT intended to do so, just sharing MY eye opener.

This is more of a religious eye opener for me, so for those that aren't into reading about religious stuff feel free to not read this, in no way am I posting this to push it upon anyone else. Just wanted to share something that happened over the weekend to help me in my walk with the Lord.

Saturday evening we were around the picnic table at the campsite, eating then playing around. Ok dh and ds were playing around...lol. I was snapping pics of them off and on as well. Then ds was looking around for some rocks at the campsite. Came to a point where he was being negative and saying that he couldn't do this or that. That it wouldn't work. What have you, just being negative in general. I was being calm and trying to calm him down somewhat before a blow out that he can have at times. So I had him sort of in my lap. Just wanting him to relax, not anything more then that.

That of course started him getting mad, pinching me what have you. Well in a campsite you have close neighbors and I have no desire to have anyone think we are mean to our son. YK how things like that can happen.

Dh came to our side of the table to talk to ds and ds SLAPPED dh across the face. It was the worst thing i've ever seen and he's NEVER done anything like that to dh ever. Its always been towards me or my mother.

Anyway I just told dh to take ds for a drive and talk with him. Because our ds loves to scream in your face and get really loud, to the point that it will sound like you are harming him when you aren't at all, or even touching him.

We are learning indeed.

I grabbed my bible that I happened to pack(don't normally do that) and needed to just read and try to look for answers. As I'm at a loss and really want to raise my son to be respectful to all people. He's very defiant at times and backtalks. He will argue with you. I've said to him not to back talk, and explained what I meant, and he will automatically say "I wasn't." So its a process I'm trying to get him to understand what backtalk or mouthy *is*. He just says he's not doing that. And his tone of voice is snotty when he says so.

I'm still trying to learn.

Anyway as I was looking through the bible and readin here or there, I came across this....

I have a Women's Devotional Bible that was given to me by a lady at church.

In one of the readings they provide it was this..

Like the flashlight, you were designed to shine; but you can never shine with your own power. The Hold Spirit provides the power to produce the light. And once you shine as you were intended to shine, you will never be useless.

Talk about an eye opener for myself.

It was about the Holy Spirit. just a small section picked out to read one day, of devotionals. The whole part was something I needed to read.

Now I need to learn to raise my son in a Godly way. if anyone knows of anything to do teaching wise, for my almost 9 yr old son. Please feel free to let me know. He needs something and I need to be able to do it with him. In hopes that he can fight the negativity/anger that takes him over and makes him think he can not control it at all.