CHARACTER: Francisca Gonzalez
SETTING: Sitting on a hilltop on a starry night
Francisca rubbed her eyes and leaned back. It had been a busy, stressful day, but the peaceful night sky was creeping into her and relaxing her. She opened her eyes and sighed happily as she took in her surroundings. The soft summer grass, still warm from the afternoon's sun, beneath her, the pitch-black sky with hundreds of twinkling stars, the sound of crickets singing and an owl in the distance -- it was so perfect. The only thing bothering her was the question still in the back of her mind, the thoughts going around and around in her head. Francisca lay on her back and breathed deeply of the clean night air and the scent of fresh mown grass.
CHARACTER: Jessica
SETTING: In a tree house during a rainstorm
Jessica sat in her tree house with her legs dangling over the edge, watching the dark, threatening clouds. Her mind was far away, though. She thought of all that had gone wrong that day. Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by big, fat, cold raindrops splashing onto her face. She scowled at the sky and swung her legs faster and harder in frustration. Suddenly, whack! her right heel slammed into the rough wood on the bottom of the tree house. A sharp pain shot up her ankle. Jessica's eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip. Trembling, she drew her feet up beside her and looked at her foot. Blood already covered her foot and ankle, and the rain poured down harder and steadier, smearing and spreading the blood. Slowly she tried to stand and winced with pain. She quickly found that she couldn't put any weight on it. She plopped back down and fresh tears filled her eyes and she accepted defeat. Who knew how long it would take for someone to get home and find her out there. She lay back and cried, the raindrops mixing with her tears, and drifted off to sleep despite the throbbing pain in her foot and the cold rain which was soaking her clothes.
Comments
Mar. 3, 2008 - Lesson 8
Posted by skmarlow
Emy, these scenes are so vivid I feel like I am with Francisca on that hilltop (I used to LOVE to do the same thing as you described!) Actually, I still like to do it. :-)
And ouch! Great word pictures and feelings from Jessica. I nearly shivered. Indeed, you have a knack for "seeing" and experiencing things through the eyes of your characters. What a gift.... Now... the tricky part (the part my "live" students always seem to forget) is taking what you have done in these practice lessons and applying it to your actual story---when appropriate, and weaved into the narrative so it doesn't look contrived. My students could write these snatches and scenes, but when they turned in their actual stories, they seemed to have slipped back into their "old" ways of TELLING and not SHOWING.
I don't think you'll fall into this, but it's something to keep in mind.