Bayberry Cottage
• Nov. 23, 2009 - Burning the Nuts
JJ got a spike buck Saturday. I'm guessing it'll be another 25 lbs. of venison. This time they took it to an Amish place for processing. Good for him! How exciting!
Why is it that holidays bring out the worst in relatives? I don't know really. J's Mom can be enjoyable, and she can be infuriating, too. She's choosing not to be enjoyable this holiday, I guess. She's been a pain in the neck for the last month (thankfully the interaction has been limited.) Now she wants to plan the food for their stay, and she can do whatever she wants, but I don't intend to give her any feedback. I won't go into details, but let it suffice that she's already given me headaches about the food planning and I'm *done* with it! Frankly I don't care what she brings. And to add insult to injury, she expects me to babysit Ellie while she goes off all day Friday. Fortunately, Ellie will have a much better time here with us doing Christmas baking, etc..., or going to Harrisville with the rest of the gang if that happens.
I'm not going to stress. I'm determined to stay relaxed and just let people do what they want. I'm glad to have company for Thanksgiving, and even more glad that everyone's leaving Saturday. Phew. |
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• Nov. 21, 2009 - A Horse Day - Saturday
Wendy, Cecily and I went to Levi Beechy's "Clinton Anderson" training clinic all day down at the WB Equine Center. He's a young fellow, maybe 23 or 24 at most. He started a raw 5 y.o., worked on a well-trained black paint mare that tosses her head when backed, then bridled another young mare for the first time. It was an interesting way to spend the day.
Unfortunately, after an exceedingly nasty voicemail from home, I learned that B had been bitten quite viciously on the head by Smokey. She was in his stall mucking while he was eating. He pinned his ears at her and when she put her hand up to wave him away he lunged at her. He isn't safe and I don't trust him, but J wasn't ready to hear of selling him. B. doesn't want him to go, but I think it's foolish to keep a dangerous horse. I have a bruise the size of Wyoming on my arm from him and B needs stitches. Are we to let ourselves be bullied by a horse now for another ten years? I am so tired of having horse troubles. Why isn't there such a thing as a safe, sane, dependable horse in my world?
I don't want to let myself be pushed into the trap of feeling like you have to keep a horse that doesn't work for you. That's nonsense. Lord, I can't do a thing on my own. What is the right answer?
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• Nov. 19, 2009 - Detox, Day 4 - 40 Degrees and Rainy
I am really starting to get grumpy. If anything, doing a juice fast makes your body feel really good and lifts your spirits. It's as if you could just go on forever living on the juice fast and you'd be better off for it. But this time I started getting a little foggy and a little worn out yesterday afternoon. This morning I awoke grumpy. I will put a sweet smile on my face anyhow. No one likes to be around a grump no matter *what* the reason.
Craig hasn't shown up in days to finish our barn and woodshed, and they are just within a stone's throw of being totally done. And I'm *so* ready to be done. I'm just saying ... 
Lord, help me to know what to do about my boys. They used to have a sweet relationship, but JJ is vicious really. Teenager or not, there's no excuse for hatefulness. Make it easier to do the right thing - in both horse training and child training. How do I do that?! Notice when he's being sweet, #1. Send him out to chop the woodpile when his mood is off, #2. Encourage them both to see the good in each other, #3, for their own good and the other's good.
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• Nov. 18, 2009 - Wednesday - 24 degrees and clear
I've been doing a juice fast this week. I'm on day three. Juice fasts are really boring, and I don't care for juice, period, so I try to avoid doing one. However, I've been feeling so sluggish and my back went out a couple weeks ago and has mostly stayed out, in spite of a tortuous visit to the chiropractor ten days ago. He popped a whole bunch of things back into place, but I was in a lot of pain, and within a short time everything went back out. Then I knew it was a systemic problem and not just an "I threw my back out" problem. Dr. K down in Toledo usually prescribes me some kind of supplement for my gall bladder or parathyroid or whatever. I knew a fast was in order.
I'm aiming for a four-day fast. Each morning I've awakened feeling noticeably improved over the previous day. I'm excited to see how well I'll feel Friday morning. That's the only thing causing me to keep going. I know it's good for my body, and I've always wanted to make a monthly juice fast part of my routine. (One day a month), as well as doing a four-day annual juice fast. But I so dislike it that I've never made the leap.
The guys have been slowing down their hunting - lost enthusiasm perhaps - or maybe just the demands of business prohibiting J from taking too much time off to do it. I wish they'd keep going. I'd like to see them do more hunting of other animals, too ... game birds, etc...
I was thinking about my parents divorce this morning as I lay in bed (with nary a sore spot on my back - period!). It is such a shame. I think people don't care, or don't realize maybe, the incredible impact the things they do sometimes have on other people. My folks divorced nearly ten years ago and I still bear a wound and a sadness from that. This is one of those tears Jesus will wipe away in eternity, I suppose. I like to lay still and remember what it was like when we were a family. It was certainly far from perfect, but there is such a comfort and peace in knowing your parents love each other.
Time to go take care of my horses. I'm excited to do a little bit of work with Saxton and Smokey - we watched another Clinton Anderson DVD which really clarified for me how to do the "Disengage the Hindquarters - Stage II." I've realized that I have definitely been too gentle with my signals. No wonder Saxton is slow and lazy! He has little impetus to move very fast! LOL! |
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• Nov. 17, 2009 - Tuesday - Thick Frost on the Ground This Morning
It's been consistently colder the last few days. It was twenty again this morning when we went out to do horse chores. I so enjoyed the stretch of "Indian Summer" we had the ten days or so before this past weekend. It was a balm for my spirit. Yes, I was crazily busy trying to get the manure bins done, but they're done now. I enjoyed the weather and am much more relaxed.
Next week is Thanksgiving and J's family is coming to visit. We're trying to put together our plans. I need to pause a moment and think about what would make the holiday enjoyable for everyone, myself included. J's Mom and Chelsea are planning to go Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving (bleh!!!!). They invited me, but thank goodness, I am *not* going. I'm almost done with my shopping now. I need to pick up a couple things, and order a couple things, but on the whole - I'm doing well.
I'd like to get the house decorated for Christmas and some cookies made. Though I guess I don't really, actually feel the need to make any Christmas cookies at all. Wow! First time ever, I think. We'll make some anyhow, I know. Gotta make Almond Candy Canes and Ritz Bits, and probably the Chocolate Peppermint Bark. If I make enough extra I can leave some for the mail lady.
J wants to go over to Harrisville to his Dad's friend's cottage on Lake Huron. LOL! You know what!!! I am *not* going to do any planning! LOL! Other than putting up Christmas Decorations (and if we can't do that Friday, we'll do it Sunday), I don't intend to plan diddly-doo. Let others plan. I'm happy to go along with whatever everyone else wants to do. I'm too tired out
Daddy - Buckeyes
Mama - Peppermint Bark
Joshua - Haystacks
Cecily - 7-layer bars
Danny - Anise Seed Sugar Cookies
Betsy - Almond Candy Canes
If we have the time and interest, the kids would also like to make wreaths, peanut clusters, turtles, and ritz bits. I don't feel the need to have twenty different kinds of cookies, but I'll go along with everyone else. |
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• Nov. 15, 2009 - Opening Day - sunday
Opening day of deer season. Jess and JJ are out hunting. We're wearing hunter's orange any time we need to do animal chores or be outside for any other reason.
Composting bin is *done*! As the pile gets high I'll need to buy some more 2x6's and cut them to slide into the front channel and hold the pile in, but I am officially done. I also moved three large (5') evergreen trees to better shield the bin. The trees we'd had to cut down to access the new bins really made it look wide-open! I may yet transplant another couple trees or so, but I don't care if it doesn't happen.
Cecily spent some time painting the offending door trim on the woodshed. Even though it needs another coat is looks *so* much better!!! So much better! She also primed the door trim on the man-door of the Big Barn. It needs a coat or two of paint, as it looks like it never really got painted when the original owner built it. The door is rusting up at the top.
Jess and JJ came home a bit after nine last night. Their surprise trip ended up being three and a half days long! But I got a lot done and I feel good about it. I didn't have to cook or do much housekeeping or anything while they were gone. I still regret having gone to Gaylord Friday, but I'm living with it! LOL!
No horseback riding lesson today. We're going to groom them and putz around in the barn and enjoy ourselves today. The kids are disappointed, but the horses need a day off, too!
I'm putting dinner in the crockpot today, too, so it's ready whenever we're ready. I love my crockpot!
All I still need to do outside before winter comes is cut down the raspberries, repair my cold frame (window broke, I'm covering the frame w/ a double layer of clear plastic) and do a little gradin, digging, and trenching in the paddock to make sure the melting snow stays out of that third stall. I guess I don't have to wait for C to finish the stalls to do that.
I'm so glad to have a rest day today. To me, that means I can putz around in the barn and bake and do absolutely anything I want! Hooray.
Clinton Anderson training clinic this Saturday. An ex-Amish guy has learned the techniques and is now training horses. Wonder if I could work for him. Hmmm. |
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• Nov. 13, 2009 - Skip This if You Don't Want to Hear Me Complain! LOL!
Well I'm just going to paint white over that offensive green trim C put up around the woodshed door. I was really going to rip it off and throw it away, but I think the wiser thing is just to paint it. C gave us an estimate to rebuild the lean-to roof. I had to work hard to keep from choking when I saw the grand total at $4300. No - way. I have little loyalty to him as a builder and I might recommend him to someone, might not. He does nice work. He's just about a perfectionist about it. But he's not exceptionally reliable. He tends to show up or not show up depending on which way the wind is blowing, and he may or may not let us know he's coming or not. That's pretty standard fare for contractors, I know. But it doesn't build loyalty. In this economy there are any number of guys looking for work, and C has been increasing his estimates every time we turn around. I don't want to play that game.
We didn't get a single thing done today outside. I *did* give the girls riding lessons this morning, but then we took off for Gaylord to pick up JJ's guitar, and run a number of other errands. I was exhausted by the time we hit the road, and had been trying to catch up with J all day. He's stuck in Ohio until sometime tomorrow night.
He sprang his trip on me Wednesday at breakfast, telling me he was leaving at lunch that day for a Dr.'s appointment that afternoon, then had a meeting at OC next day. He took JJ with him. Then he left his truck at the dealer down there to do some work and it turns out it's taking all the way 'til tomorrow night. I'm betting it won't even be done then. But to be honest, he's been such a grump I'm glad for a little break from him. (JJ too.) I don't understand how he works sometimes. I guess it doesn't matter how long a couple is married. They probably never totally "get" each other. He's irritated that I can't believe C put that really ugly trim around the door - after I'd already painted it (and it looked nice in white). He expected me to pipe up and say something while C was working on it. Right. J wasn't even around for me to ask what was going on. By the time I saw it he was half done installing it, and I figured Jesse had picked it out. I was trying not to hurt J's feelings about how ugly the trim was he'd picked out so I didn't go running up yelling "Stop! That's hideous! How could you even think that this is going to help this building "blend" into the trees?!!!", and eventually I got up the nerve to kind of sideways question C about whether J had really picked out the trim. That was when I found out (too late) that
C had picked it out and suggested putting it up. So I was ticked about that. Why would C just pick out some ugly trim and install it w/o checking what would be a good color or even (heaven forbid we use some common sense here) just go with the white that it had ALREADY BEEN PAINTED! Argh.
Yes, I'm frustrated about it, and I could tell Jess was just super irritated with me that I was disgusted about it. I know. He's a guy. Guys don't care how ugly something is, and they never can, never will understand why aesthetics are important to us gals. And I can't understand it myself. Why does it bother me that our perfectly good and useable pole barn and woodshed are so utilitarian looking that I feel like I'm living on some sort of a compound? And what the heck is *wrong* with just giving a little definition and detail and color to your utility buildings so they aren't just functional, but so they also give you pleasure?
Enough of a rant I guess. I feel like today was a total loss. I knew it would be when I decided to go to Gaylord, but I thought JJ was going to need his guitar next week - which it turns out is not correct. Yes, I picked up another Christmas gift or two and got enough groceries to keep us going until I do another "real" shop, but that's no consolation.
Time to stop being grumpy myself and put a happy smile on my face! After all, I've relieved myself of the "Christmas Card pressure" for this year (I did *not* let J guilt me into coordinating all the card stuff. It's always very stressful and expensive, and very few people seem to even care after all that effort) and I intend to once again have all my shopping done by Thanksgiving. Not only that, but I had a lovely time at Wendy's last night. What more could a gal need to put a smile on her face? |
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• Nov. 13, 2009 - Friday - Compost Bin Progress!!!
I am so *d*o*n*e* building stuff this year. Except that I'm not actually done building the manure composting bin. It's almost done though. 16'W x 8'L x 5'H. The three youngest children have helped me with it from start to finish and we've done it completely by ourselves. It didn't take a lick of help from the grumpy big guys. It has only two 8x8 compartments. I'll probably build another 8x8 on the end of the run in the spring.
But that's *it*. I want to be done and just enjoy the day-to-day. We'll probably dig in and get school run over and out of the way. Six-day school weeks from deep-freeze to thaw, then I'll be home free to do my warm weather stuff when it returns.
I have not cared for my new "plan" about taking one week off a month. Yuck. It doesn't work. It's too pre-meditated. I'd rather just keep a tally of weeks we get off and just take them whenever the patootie we need one, and mark it off as we take it. But I have little interest in taking a week off at Thanksgiving or at Christmas just because we're having company or going somewhere. Seems like a waste of a free week. A *good* week off, in my book, is one where we can enjoy accomplishing something - particularly something outside - or where we're on a family vacation.
On another construction note, I'll be glad when C is done with our building stuff and *gone*. I've had enough! I don't care to have service people here all the time, excepting JT. He seemed like family and it was no sacrifice to have him around the place.
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• Nov. 11, 2009 -
It's amazing how many days I've been working on that silly manure composting bin! I have one bin 3/4ths completed, with a good start on the second bin. I'm sorry I chose only to do two compartments at this time, as it is much easier to turn the manure into a third bin to get it decomposing, but I suppose the reality is that I won't be turning anything at all over the winter.
I gave the three youngest children riding lessons today. It is certainly much more difficult to give lessons to three children at once than it is to do just two! There isn't enough room in our small arena for starters! Everyone kept bunching up and nearly running into each other. Saxton did great with Cecily on him. I was disappointed that I didn't get a chance to ride him, but very glad that Cecily did!
What can we patriots do to turn the tide in our country. We must be a people who love truth and righteousness more than we love ourselves, our liberty, or than we love political correctness. God has promised: "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Chron 7:14)
It says nothing at all about what the wicked should do. The Lord can handle the wicked perfectly well, as He has shown time and again. But we know, too, that He can handle his faithless children. As such, we much seek His face and turn from our wicked ways, or we will go down with them. |
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• Nov. 9, 2009 - Tuesday Morning ~ 30-degrees, overcast
I've been disappointed. We had such a lovely stretch of warm weather from Saturday to yesterday. My one and only goal was to get the posts sunk for my manure bin while the weather was still amenable, so Cecily and I could hurriedly finish it. To be honest, that's not a terribly ambitious project.
Last week J. forbade me from driving the manure back to dump on the trails once the snow hits, so naturally I'm in a rush to get that bin done. He wants me to just pile it up in a corner of the paddock, but he has no idea what a mess that will create, how hard it will be to get the paddock into usable, riding condition in the spring, how long it will take, nor how unlikely we'll have an arena to use until well later than we should (why have an arena if it's not ridable). Besides all that, the idea is thoroughly repulsive to me - to have a huge pile of animals waste accumulating right near their living quarters, reinfesting them with worms, right where everyone can see it. I guess if I wanted to be trailer trash that would be a good start. Anyway, the idea *really* just totally disgusts me, so I've been antsy to re-build the manure bins (which were already mostly full anyway) larger so we'd have enough space to dump the muck all winter, and into spring when the trails were too flooded to dump.
I threw my back out, so I was late getting a start partially for that reason, but moreso because of the mistaken notion I had that J was going to help me get started. What really disappoints me is that J had *offered* for him or JJ to dig the post holes for me. I guess I got that wrong idea that he was offering to work on it with me a little, so I didn't get right on it when I should have. When he exploded on my yesterday afternoon and angrily spat that "just wanting to get it done" is what makes life and projects so unbearable, I realized I'd been fooling myself. It's like if I'd offered to cut his hair, and every day he asked when I could get to it, then on the third day I just venomously spat at him that there was no rush to cut his hair and if he couldn't wait to have his hair cut until I was in the mood for it, then he should go cut his own hair.
I can only suppose he was frustrated with something at the time, b/c he *had* offered - I had not asked him to dig any posts, but was planning on having JJ work with me on it. I had no intentions of having any help from him, though of course I hoped he'd eventually help a little as a gesture of love. After all, I eagerly offered to help in any way I could Saturday and Sunday on *his* project.
J's been eager to unload the lean-to this weekend, on the supposition that C. would start rebuilding it anyday. That's a majorly laughable joke, as C. takes about 3-4 times as long to do any work as we expect, and he's not finished with the woodshed, nor the barn, and he is prone to disappearing for days at a time. He truly has at least three weeks before that lean-to needs to be empty. But I humored him, anyway, and did my best to help with everything on *his* agenda. Well phooey on him. He can continue to be unkind. I'll be glad when he isn't using busy season as an excuse for his being hurtful any more.
I wouldn't ask for a lick of help on that bin now if there was any way in the world not to. I don't want his help. I just want him to leave me alone.
So yesterday afternoon I went down there and began digging the post holes. I got two done (laborious and time-consuming) and began the third, and quickly realized that the thickness of a root (literally the entire circumference of the hole I was digging) meant I had to move the entire bin ... wasting the two holes I'd already put poles in. Lord, please give me a good attitude about it, and give me *your* strength and energy to get it done and done quickly.
I think I'm upset mostly because I just need to be at the *done* point with all our building projects, and wasn't expecting to have to do *this* project this autumn. I thought I was just about done, really. And if I don't get it done, I'm going to have a trashy, mountainous, disgusting growing pile of horse poo in my *arena*! Ugh.
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• Nov. 7, 2009 - A Very Short Indian Summer ~ Saturday
The weather today was delightful! It was around 60-degrees and sunny. After three weeks of largely cold, dreary and/or wet weather, this has been a most welcome relief! I shall soak it up as long as it lasts, because the cold is about to settle in for good.
The horse barn is coming along in very pleasantly. All that is left on the outside is to build the stall doors and side the north wall under the open aisleway. I've built some storage shelves in the tack room, hung a half dozen bridle racks (a paltry number, but adequate for now) and enough saddle racks to hang up all seven saddles. (Yes, I have entirely too many saddles, but that is another matter!)
In the feed room I built a feed counter with a shelf above it for storing supplements, additives, medications, etc..., which, in itself is a reward for the work I put into it. Underneath I can store the grain, the mounting block and extra feed pans. It's a little clumsy to have those feed pans in there, but I think I will eventually put a wider shelf up toward the ceiling somewhere to hold such things.
Today, though, having thrown out my back, I tried to moderate myself and not do too much heavy work. I say "moderate" but though I did less than I otherwise would have, I still did too much. I have a hard time being incapacitated in any way. There is little in me that finds pleasure in laying around or shirking when there are things to be done. Admittedly, though, I am having some difficulty in keeping my steam up. I am ready for a break.
Still, I brought home enough lumber to build a manure composting bin eight feed deep by sixteen feed wide, by five feet tall, divided down the middle into two eight by eight compartments. I would have liked three compartments, but the extra work and expense was not welcome just now. If I need that third bin (which I suspect I will), I will have to wait until spring to construct it.
I was just so glad to have lovely weather to be painting outside and so forth today. Thank you, my Lord and Savior for the blessings you give us as they come. |
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• Nov. 4, 2009 - So Much Ta Do - Wednesday
| Need to get on the stick and make a productivity plan for the rest of the day. I want to stake my new manure bins and dig the holes (then I can go buy the lumber). But I need to do some "inside" tidying, too. My bedroom is so way overdue for a deep-clean! Yada yada yada. Lots to do. Always! |
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• Nov. 2, 2009 - Those Halloween Blues
I had the dubious pleasure of spending the afternoon at the library under a cloud of guilt which was handed off to me by my friend Rachel and the other two ladies whose children were also in D, C, and B's art class.
I have long had trouble enduring - let alone enjoying - halloween. Each year for many years from the time JJ was old enough to trick-or-treat I've abhorred the coming of, and sometimes being coerced into participating in - Halloween. There's nothing appealing to me as a Christ-follower about celebrating the satanists high holiday, though in truth it is mostly just an excuse for a break from the every day - a chance to celebrate for most people. Still, I can celebrate the good harvest the Lord has sent us (it doesn't always come, as I well know first hand) in joy and a good conscience, and have been so pleased the last few years that the children have preferred a home Harvest Party in late October instead of the traditional "Halloween" celebration. None of us likes the scary stuff or the gore. That's just pure wickedness. No, it's not "harmless fun". You're either for Christ or against Him, and if you're against him, then fine, do as you will. But if you are for Him, you have no business celebrating by dressing up as, or decorating with, evil.
Back to the guilt trip. Our new church decided to hold a trick-or-treat event this fall. I was shocked by it, frankly, but just chose to ignore it, as we would be having our usual Harvest Party anyhow and it was no concern. But not long after, J decided we would participate in it, as he viewed it as an outreach. Fine. I really think I did a grand job of keeping my mouth shut and not lecturing on why the heck we thought celebrating Halloween was a good way to spend our time. I am sure he had very valid reasons, and I know God is not going to rescind my salvation because I've obeyed my husband and participated in this event.
But as both children and adults paraded by dressed in vampish costumes, or as a murdurous Freddy Krueger and so forth (of course many were dressed in harmless, fun costumes) I was really repulsed ... and kept smiling and filling their bags with candy.
On the whole, it was only mildly unpleasant and I tried not to be too big of a downer about it when Jesse asked me about it later. He attributed it to my not knowing very many of the church people, which may have accounted for 10-15% of my lack of enthusiasm. Fine. Whatever he thinks. Not really important.
So today Rachel asked me what we did Saturday night and as I explained that we'd participated in this big event that drew an enormous crowd (for our county) she was appalled. She is normally a docile and polite gal, and she tried to maintain that, but she was visibly upset. She couldn't believe that a church would "become Babylon," and not just *join in*, but actually *sponsor* an activity like that. How on earth did we think that was ministering to anyone? Why choose halloween of all things as an "outreach". There are so many other ways to reach people. It's not as if we were taking something that celebrates wickedness and turning it into a God-glorifying celebration. We were just celebrating right along with the rest of the unbelievers. Truly her comments gave me pause. I'd gone along with J because he felt we could somehow reach people - let them know about us or something. I don't know. I do know from past experience that those things *don't* bring people to your church.
I've asked myself: Jesus was radical and often did things that really upset the regular "churchy" type people. Would He have hosted a party in honor of evil and not minded upsetting religious folks? Hmmm. No. I really don't think so. Would He have gone to where the common man was and reach out to him? Absolutely, but I don't think He went into brothels and paid for a service just to "get on their level" and become all things to all men. No, He still would have set Himself apart from that kind of thing.
Do I think He condemns my actions? Not at all. I think He holds me responsible only for honoring J. in this matter and doing as he commanded.
I have high doubts that this activity 1.) glorifies God in any way at all, and 2.) brings unbelievers closer to Him in any way at all. There was no sharing of the gospel, no talk of God at all. Most people didn't even realize a church was sponsoring it, and those that I saw which did know it, couldn't find the "donation box". That's cheerful.
I like to feel like I am spending my time productively - for Christ, for my family, around the home, accomplishing things, or even just relaxing and rejuvenating. Nada here. Nix. Nyet. So all in all I feel like this event was worse than a big, fat failure. |
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• Oct. 19, 2009 - When the World Hands You Lemons ...
... head for the kitchen! I seem to do more cooking in the winter. You're stuck inside. Nothing to do but look through cookbooks! LOL! I notice my house is cleaner, too, in winter. And I tend to exercise. I probably need to on account of cooking more.
I'm disillusioned with facebook. I don't care to log on and see people's posts about alchohol, partying, gay rights and so on. I just wanted a place to go and see, on a somewhat regular basis, what a few people I care about are up to. I didn't want to be slapped in the face on a regular basis! Ugh.
We are just about done with the painting for the barn doors. Lord willing, we'll get the third coat of white done tomorrow and be home free! J's gone again a lot this week, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed again. Seems like we periodically enter the "OverLoaded!" zone, with too much on the plate, and we're sliding into it again. J wants to do "trunk or treat" which is *nearly* as bad as hosting a harvest party, and I hadn't wanted that burden. I was looking forward to quiet - just us - just at home. But as that won't be the case, I'd better adjust my frame of mind.
Chelsea and Zach are in a show coming up soon, so we'll be gone out of town for that. Also having extended family up for several days at Thanksgiving. I know that's still six weeks away - but that's the way my mind works. Things *loom* on the horizon and start to whig me out. I like to have just one, or at most, two things kind of "coming up", but in addition to the aforementioned, we also have: Finishing work on the barn, art classes and J traveling again. Guess I better stop thinking about it. I'm whigging myself out! LOL!
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• Sep. 28, 2009 - Crazy Like a Fox with OCD
Well, I can't really tell you why I am OCD about this pony issue, but I am. I am so unsettled about it. Well, I am unsettled about a number of things, I guess. We didn't stand a chance of getting a pony at the auction - not a decent one. The two I wanted to bid on, Billybob and Blaze the little, weird-eyed chestnut cart pony, went quite a ways above any hope of money we had. We were good with that. We'd committed it to God and said, "So be it as you will." We knew He would either provide those ponies for us, or keep us from getting them, and He certainly did.
Still, I am totally obsessed with making sure we have a pony. WHY???!!! Why can't I just rest in Him and let Him guide this whole thing? I feel like if I just look long and hard enough, I'll find the right pony. But I surely don't want to wait. He chasteneth him whom He loveth. The waiting alone is chastisement, and the OCD is me punishing myself. Why can't I just smile and put it out of my mind?
Anyway, just a rant today about my own inadequacies, and my own lack of trusting in His timing. Why? He's not ever gotten it wrong. Why would He now? I need to just put all that cash in a jar and bury it in my closet. Something will turn up when He says so. |
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• Sep. 19, 2009 - Time to Pay the Piper Again/Test Driving Ponies
It's that time of year again. No, not tax time. Well, technically, yes, it's tax time again for us self-employed folks - but that's not what I was talking about.
No, it's "busy season." It started a couple or three weeks ago, and has increased in intensity until - BOOM! It hit me in the face when I wasn't looking.
Most of the years of our married life, there's been a "busy season." It occurs every fall, from late August or so until Thanksgiving or Christmas. It is welcome in the respect that it fills the coffers and makes the difference between a slow year and a satisfying year economically, most times. Last year, there were a couple of busy weeks, but mostly, no busy season. So it's a good thing that J is busy this autumn.
It's always disappointing that hunting season occurs simultaneously because he's usually very distracted and can't enjoy it - as will be the case again this year. (I'm thinking that summer fishing would be a better hobby to be passionate about, but I love that my boys are hunters - and eating fish is nothing for me to get excited about.)
The thing that I never have managed to reconcile is my own role in "busy season". What on earth am I supposed to be *doing* during busy season? I mean this: When you're running eighty miles an hour and surviving on four or five hours of sleep ... basically waking up, working until dinner, working a little more and falling into bed, only to press the "repeat" button for the next day, you have little patience for ... well, for anything.
I get the distinct feeling each fall that the nicest thing I could do for J, and certainly the option that would save my own sanity, is to pack up and move out, returning home once daily to fix three meals, which should be placed onto saran-wrap covered plates in the refrigerator with "Microwave for one minute" written on them, so they can be accessed as needed. And before I leave again, I ought to be tidying up, washing and folding laundry, scrubbing toilets, or re-stocking the pantry with cereal, chocolate chips, beer, and any ingredients necessary for the three daily meals, and perhaps checking messages on the answering machine.
This morning I intended to leave the house around 9 am and go look at a couple ponies and come back home by 2 or 2:30. We liked the haflinger gelding the children rode at an Amish homestead. The paint pony really is super cute, but one eye is blind and it's deflated. Very weird looking. It makes my eyes water to look at it. Also, he's several hundred dollars more than I have at this time. Billy, the haflinger, though, I would have to buy next weekend at the auction. I just don't know. I'd really like a paint gelding whose eye and price don't whig me out. LOL!
In any case, we were (surprise, surprise) quite a bit late getting out of the house - 10:30 or later. Jesse had been up and out of the house at 5:30 (I know because he woke me up several times - even before the stool collapsed on him in the closet!) I waffled about going over to check out the paint pony and called Jesse. He seemed irritated (big surprise) but said he'd just keep working if we wanted to go. I did - after all, it was less than twenty minutes west of Grayling, rather than wasting a three hour round trip later in the week if we ended up not wanting to try him out.
So we ended up getting home about quarter to five - way later than I'd hoped, and I've been so pleased that we got our barn siding earlier this week, that I'd hoped to have a chance to work on it while Jess was "off" during the weekend (silly me). When I walked in, all excited to see J, he came galloping across the floor all set to go out for his bike ride. He's determined to keep excercising during his busy season -- good for him!
I was disappointed that he was leaving just as I was getting home and he started grumping about me looking up how to do the stinking siding myself and darn it all, he's been working all day, so he couldn't go for a bike ride earlier and ya da ya da ya. Talk to the hand. I forgot how miserable it is to get punished for looking forward to spending some time with him during busy season. Can you see why I want to move out for a few months? It's like this constantly. I'd just as soon leave him alone, which is what he wants. But on account of the whole "sharing a house" thing, we're destined to bump into each other, and mostly the bumps are pretty painful.
He's *not* a bad husband. He's actually a very good one. But busy season turns him into a grump, and who wants to be around one of those.
So I'm kinda stuck. How does a wife deal with this? We're supposed to "help" and to meet his needs. But other than the scenario above, (me moving out except for a brief foray as chief cook and bottle washer), I see no solution. It's very frustrating. Honest to goodness, I wish we still had the Roadrunner, or had a little cabin somewhere, because I could live there and keep out of his way unless he wanted to come see me. Or if he had an office away from home he could just live there - though I know from past experience that he's still a grump with an attitude. The fact is I don't want to talk to him or interact with him at all, because I get punished for it just about every time - a little Russian Roulette. Not worth it.
So what's a gal to do? |
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• Sep. 11, 2009 - Reflections
It took us 13 hours to get to Vienna, Virginia yesterday. All in all it was a pleasant drive. Not the usual harried, I-can't-wait-to-be-done-driving kind of trip. We arrived pleasantly tired out and glad to be here. My sister was harried and ... unusual. A bit of a smart alecky-complaining type. I was quickly struck that, if that's her usual persona (and I gather that it is), she is a dissatisfied woman. She has a beautiful, very expensive home; owns her own law firm; has the three children she wanted, a nanny, and is exhausted and dissatisfied with her life. There is an oppression here that I can only pray about. The relief I feel at being intimate with the Creator of Everything, that He is in charge, even when *we* are feeling like we're spinning recklessly out of control, is immense. I carry with me a peace and a joy and even a contentment (though, like all humans, I have the inclination toward always wanting "more") that surpasses my own understanding. It is a gift from him, an infusion into the character of this new person that I have become in the last four years. I only wish I could share that with others. I see them drowning in a swirling, whirling, rushing pool of emptiness, and though I try to share the good news, few will ever embrace it. Why? Why don't they? Only because they don't believe it, they fear change, they are comfortable being uncomfortable, perhaps? Maybe they've bought the lie that to be Born Again (and they don't really know what that is until it's happened to them) brings with it much discomfort and self-denial. Ultimately, it's a much more self-indulgent reality, while at the same time being One with the Creator. Wierd explanation, I suppose.
I sigh and shake my head. To live so many years is such a state of discontent, always striving, always searching. |
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• Sep. 9, 2009 - Autumn Harvest - Canning
My Mum has been here the last few days and we've been canning. I've put up 14 qts. of diced tomatoes, 14 of tomato sauce, 17 pints of pears, 5 qts of apple pie filling and I may yet do some sauerkraut. There's still lots and lots of raspberry and strawberry jams, a pint of dandelion jelly, one of pumpkin butter (we'll make more soon's the pumpkins are ripe) and last year's green tomato pickle.
It feels very self-satisfying (and I am so grateful to God for the plenty) to have the larder looking so well. There are still lots of quart jars and a dozen or so pints left. I'll need to pick up more half-pints for the pumpkin butter, though. But when I get back in town I'll need to hit the stovetop in another marathon canning session to try and put up a heap more of tomatoes and tomato sauce. I'd like to do another batch of pears, too, and some salsa.
I'm heading east to Vienna, VA to see my sister tomorrow. I'm driving with my Dad. Should be a 12 hour trip. Can't wait to see everybody - wish Hugh were going to be there, too.
I have hundreds and hundreds of tomatoes out in my garden. But they're all green, and a whole heap of them are still little. I'm frustrated with myself that I can't do it all. I need more sunlight in the garden (read: cut down about 2000 s.f. of trees shading it - or move the garden completely and there's no good spot for it right now) and I need to build a poly-tunnel to extend the season another month. Even using these Russian tomatoes, it doesn't look like I'll get a crop. If I had any brains I'd forget trying to grow my own tomatoes and devote my garden to cool weather crops. Not exciting, though. Who wants a garden full of peas and lettuce? Okay, I jest a little bit. I'd have taken a garden full of peas and lettuce this year - I didn't get much of that. Boo Hoo. Still learning, though. |
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• Sep. 2, 2009 - Clinton Anderson Strikes Again ... And Stuff
Been watching Clinton Anderson's Lungeing for Respect series - that's the book I've been using. Watching the Videos has really clarified some of the techniques for me. He's amazing. He makes training your horse so simple. Nothing mysterious and undoable about it. He makes it easy for the layman.
The cold is starting to clear this morning. Praise God! He is so good! I got about 10 quarts of tomatoes from that half-bushel. I wanted about 100. Means I need another 4 1/2 bushels of tomatoes. But I also wanted to do some salsa.
Jesse has the windows in the barn mostly framed in. It's pretty exciting! Today's Wednesday, so we still have school this morning, but I'm going to do the reading first thing and let the kids do their other stuff later. Seems like the day goes quicker when we do that.
I NEED to get that cold frame and the garlic planted. Pppplllt. Too many other things to do.
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• Aug. 31, 2009 - Frost the Last Morning of August
Discouraged, I woke to a frost outside. I think the Russian Tomatoes are hardy enough to survive it, but the pumpkins may begin to wilt. With the season so late to begin with, an early frost is killer. I can see I need to make a priority of building a moveable greenhouse to cover my summer crops. I need to concentrate more, too, on cold-tolerant crops, I think.
I bought a half-bushel of canning tomatoes on my way to get a new muck fork handle and will see what I can make of them today. It's laundry day, too.
Cecily, JJ, and I woke up sick this morning. I've been fighting and praying and relying of God's mercy to fend this off as best as I can. I should have been taking anti-plague all along, I think.
I put Saffron up for sale. I hope someone is looking for a companion horse and takes her soon. I'd like to get a less expensive, and suitable pony in here for Danny and Betsy. Duke may just be too small. |
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What Type of Homeschooler Are You?
Swiss Family Robinson - If you can grow it, pick it, preserve it, or butcher it, you own it. Otherwise, you do without. You'd prefer to live off-grid from the power company, since you're nearly self-sufficient already. You enjoy unit studies for the way they utilize all facets of life and truly incorporate life and education as a whole, not as separate entities.
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In This Month's Bookpile:
• King James Bible
• One Man's Wilderness - Sam Keith and Richard Proenneke.
• Root Cellaring - Mike and Nancy Bubel
• The Big Book of Preserving the Harvest - Carol W. Costenbader
• Four Season Harvest - Elliot Coleman
• Orchard Almanac - Smillie and Page
• Organic Orcharding - Gene Logsdon
• Life Was Simpler Then - Loula Grace Erdman
• The Self-Sufficient Suburban Garden - Jeff Ball
• Cold Climate Gardening - Lewis Hill
• The Ruth Stout No-Work Garden Book - Stout and Clemence
• Seed Catalogs!
• Downunder Horsemanship - Clinton Anderson
• Stalking the Asparagus - Euell Gibbons
• Little House on the Prairie - Laura Ingalls Wilder
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I am a
Sunflower
"When your friends think 'smile', they think of you. There is not a day that goes by that you can't find something good about the world and your fellow human"
What Flower
Are You?
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