Our homeschool year has been off to a great and productive start.  I have enjoyed our full and high-yielding days, the Lord has greatly blessed us!   I made major changes to areas of my life this fall and am enjoying the benefits.  Our Pastor began a series of messages in the late summer and early fall, with basis in these two books Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper and One-Month-to-Live-Thirty-Days-to-a-No-Regrets by Chris and Kerry Shook.   I was convicted of the need to serve the Lord and jumped into several ministry opportunities at our church.  We've been enjoying a full day at our Wednesday co-op and I am LOVING leading a Biology Co-op and Picturing America class.  I also have been blessed to be a part of the TOS Crew. 

To keep up with my home responsibilities, the activities that I am committed to, and work a job, I've been doing the proverbial "burning the candle at both ends".  I've been rising early and staying up late.  I have very few moments of "down" time and my lifestyle changes have provided me with enough energy to make it through each day.  But I've slowly been becoming weary, complaining has starting to overtake me, and strife was beginning to creep into our home.  "It is better to live in a corner of the roof, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman".  Proverbs 25:24.

All of these things I've been doing good and worthy things, but I've been gradually becoming more and more distracted.  I'd become her, "But Martha was distracted with all of her preparations;"  Luke 10:38.  I can so easily become Martha's kindred, joining with her in seeking the approval of God and man.  Needing to "feel" spiritual and productive in the Kingdom, but getting away from the things that are most necessary.  "but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."  Luke 10:42.   I hadn't opened my bible all week, my usual morning quiet time had been crowded with preparations for classwork.  I had stopped praying for others and instead shifted all my prayers to myself.  "Lord give me strength and patience",  had become a shouting prayer almost continually. 

Sadly, my patience were to short with my children, and far to many times I was yelling at them when it truly wasn't necessary.  I was constantly repenting for behaviors that were reactionary to situations that didn't warrant the use of such reactions. 

 My husband had grown quiet and we were hardly talking throughout the week.   I've watched marriages dissolve over the last two years and I'm continually praying that ours would be solidly built on the Rock.  Yet, I was doing nothing to build it. 

Friday, I finally realized what had to happen.  It wasn't easy, I enjoyed these things. But I knew that the Lord was calling me to build His kingdom, first within my own home.   Some obligations are a must and I'm sticking with those that are serving my husband and children.  I am praying for grace and patience from those I've had to tell that I can't be a part of their ministry.  I also have to begin saying "no" and not being concerned what other's may think if I say "no". 

I have dreams of serving the Lord in far and great places, but I know that He has called me to serve....Here and for now.  If He wills it, one day, He will give me the desires of my heart.  Until than I pray that I will stay steadfastly focused on the prize.