I had a lesson driven home to me yesterday. I was coming home from the grocery store yesterday evening and was in the left turn lane. I guess I was farther forward than I thought and it looked to cross traffic that I was in their lane. I was able to back up a little and correct my mistake, but not before I learned my lesson.

As I looked up and realized what was happening I looked into the trck passing in front of me to see a driver that was pointing at me and (from the looks of it) calling me a very unflattering name very loudly. And yes, his family was with me. It's funny how I saw this in slow motion as he passed. Sadly, the recognition passed between us after he called me this particularly unflattering name.

It was a deacon from my church.

Now, I do not post this because I think that because he is a deacon that he has to be perfect. Not at all, I am a sinner, same as him.

I post this because in my immediate reaction I judged him. And then the hammer came down. What had just transpired in front of my very eyes is why showing everyone grace all the time is sooooooo important. Even when someone makes a boneheaded move in traffic. You never know who is in the other car.

I have forgiven this man, though granted, I have lost a great deal of respect for him. But, I am grateful I learned my lesson. Now I just have to put it into action.

More on what I have been dealing with as far as heart issues today. I was musing over this while I was cleaning out my refrigerator today. You know, the clean house part...

Anyway, I was thinking about all the methods I have tried in failed attempts to deal with my lack of desire to clean my house. This led down the rabbit trail of attitude. See, for me the clean heart part of the challenge has been a longer road than the last two weeks.

2-1/2 years ago I was laid off of my last corporate job. It was my second layoff in 6 months. I wasn't really upset, as we had been talking about me becoming a SAHM. I was excited that I would finally be able to live my dream and be a Mom to my girls. Unfortunately, being a SAHM wasn't what I though it would be. It's not that I thought it would be easy, it's just that I wasn't aware of the major adjustment period that would be involved for me, DH, and the girls.

For me it was about suddenly being cut off from all adult interaction. For DH it was becoming the sole breadwinner overnight. For the girls it was suddenly having lost the guilty, miserable mommy and getting the authoritarian mommy. It was a struggle. To say the least.

Anyway, adding to the stress of adjusting to one income was the fact that DH was in school. That was an expense above and beyond what we were used to. He was stressed, I was lonely, the girls were confused...

Anyway, DH had some expectations about what the house should look like at the end of the day. When I couldn't meet those expectations I fell into depression, although I would have denied it at the time. I became severely passive-aggressive. It's my nature anyway, but becoming depressed exacerbated the problem.

Anytime DH would criticize me instead of trying to defend myself or talk to him (since he wasn't in a state to listen anyway) I would do things (or not do things) to get him riled up. Things like not cleaning, not doing laundry, not doing much of anything. I mean, I would about once a week do some minor cleaning to keep the health department at bay, but it was hardly pleasing.

Anyway, it's been a long road.

So, onto the "programs." I think that I tried them all. And it seemed like most recommended that you declutter first. SO I started trying to declutter. Only working 15 minutes at a time for a week in every room was....less than impressive. The program I stayed with longest was Flylady. It was great, but after 15 months on the program I wasn't seeing the results. I was still decluttering. It was devastating. So I quit that. And I tried other programs.

Then I realized the problem. Following the program was what was keeping me from doing anything. In fifteen minutes I could tidy a drawer or cabinet in my kitchen easy. Okay. Yay me!

Then in three weeks while I was in other areas of the house the clutter would come back. It would expand from other cabinets and drawers that I hadn't gotten to. It was VERY frustrating.

Which is why the CHCHC works for me. I have been decluttering in longer lengths of time lately. We had been planning a garage asle for quite some time anyway. So, when Amy (Dandelion Seeds) posted the details of the CHCHC I thought it might work.

And I think it will. See, the problem that I had with the previous "plans" was that I never had enough time to really declutter an area enough to really make a difference. With the CHCHC I stay in the room long enough to really make a difference. I can get it decluttered and cleaned, or mostly cleaned, in the assigned time. Then if I have an extra hour or two on another day I can come back. But the key is I don't have to worry about someone chastising me for spending 2-1/2 hours cleaning (and I mean REALLY CLEANING) my refrigerator.

So, I am a happy camper. The schedule I made for the CHCHC is working. I think I can stick to it even after the challenge is over. And with a sparkly clean house, the upkeep will be easier. And Bonus! I have a copy of the organizer so I can do this heavy duty cleaning in 52 days again when I need to. Because I know that it will work!

Finally.

Oh, yeah. I never told DH about the challenge, but he has definately noticed the difference. He loves that the living room is really clean. I have at least been keeping the kitchen tidy, and that has been noticed too. He hasn't asked what was up yet/ Maybe he's afraid he'll jinx it??

LOL. 

So it's the Clean HEART, Clean Home challenge. And while I have been sharing my home cleaning I have not been so up front with my heart cleaning.

Truth is, my biggest heart struggle now is with the church. The body. I see so much division. So much infighting. I know this isn't how it's supposed to look and I know that there are peopel that consider themselves part of the body, but that really aren't...because you can tell.

It's one thing when a sinner-saved-by-grace stumbles. We pick ourselves up again. We apologize to anyone that we have hurt (usually, and sometimes it takes time). It's another thing when a child-of-God who has lost their way stumbles. They wallow in the mud. They enjoy it.

I know that the getting back up can take years for even the strongest person. I am not saying that it is an instantaneous thing. It's not. But a believer should never wallow around in the mud, or worse start slinging it.

I have become greatly distressed at the sheer number of people that I see in my local churches that act this way. This was really brought to my attention when I was talking to DH about a conversation that I had with another worker at our church. DH said, "Now you have to remember that she is not your friend."

Huh?

There are many women at the church that I can not associate with any more. Why? Because they are the meanest women I have ever had the misfortune to come across. Heaven forbid that there should be a crack in anyone's perfect facade. And sin? Good grief! If you have sin in your life then maybe church isn't the place for you...

Huh?

Yeah. You heard me. It's the fishers of men wanting the fish clean before they get them into the boat. Sigh.

So ladies, whether I like it or not I believe tha God has me gearing up for a bit of a confrontation. In the past I have stood meekly by while people gossiped and name-called and said whatever.

No more. I think the only way to make the church a place of peace where sinners can find refuge is to stap this madness. When you are hurt you should be able to come to your fellow believers without having to wonder if they'll call the local paper with your story before you leave the parking lot.

Pray for me? I need wisdom and grace. I need peace. I need God to lead this.

This is my heart.

I just adopted a couple of troops to pray for. I hope you will, too. If you're not already a member of the Presidential Prayer Team, I encourage you to join.

To adopt a troop for prayer, click here. You can alos join the PPT, as well.

As a homeschooling mom that doesn't give tests or have any other means of measuring progress besides observation it always gives me great pleasure to get insight into my DD's little head and to know that something is sinking in!

Today we were in our back yard playing (the weather in Texas has been glorious!). We share a fence with our next-door neighbors, who have not been the best people to share a fence line with. DD was asking of her daddy had plans to repair the fence yet again for them since it is about to fall into our yard.

I said that he would probably get to it this weekend. She thought for a minute and said, "You know, Jesus says that we should love our neighbors. So, that means that we should love them even though they don't like us, right?"

Amazing. We had a good conversation about what it means to love ones neighbors and how we could show love to our neighbors.

God is so good!

Today is the tenth anniversary of the disappearance of 9 year old Amber Hagerman. She was kidnapped and murdered in Arlington, Texas.

Please take a moment and pray for her family. They are still deeply grieving.

Hug your kids today!