Jul. 5, 2009 - 3 Year Old Grief
We've talked about Benjamin with the children, we've prayed, we've cried. Emily never really said anything. You could see the thinking going on inside her little three year old mind.
Tonight after bedtime prayers she said, "Mommy. You didn't pray for the baby."
I was a bit taken back by her obviously offended comment. I watched her little face as she tried to keep it from crumpling. As she opened her mouth to suck in a big gulp of air, I crossed the room to envelope her in my arms.
She said with trembling lips, "Why didn't you pray for our baby?"
I kissed her soft hair and said, "Sweetie, our baby is with Jesus! We don't need to pray for him anymore. "
She whispered, "If we ask, will Jesus give him back?" as the salty rivers began to flow down her curved little cheeks.
I couldn't find the right words so I just hugged her closer, shook my head no, and let her sob into my neck. After a few minutes, she lifted her tired little head and said, "Can we call Jesus and ask Him?"
I whispered, "We can call Jesus any time we want."
Ian said, "Mommy, are there any doctors in Heaven? Could a doctor make Benjamin better so he could come back?"
Before I could answer, Abigail said, "Jesus is a doctor. He's the best doctor."
I nodded my head and said, "If Jesus wanted to heal Benjamin He could have, but Jesus thought that it would be better for him to go to Heaven."
It seemed that the questions would never end as we laid there all of us huddled together, tears flowing down every cheek. After every other question Emily's eyes would get heavier and she would say, "But I want our Benjamin."
Finally, Daddy was done working on the car for the night and he came in to dole out kisses. He took one look at the swollen, red eyes of all of his children then laid down and scooped Emily into is strong arms as the other two scooted closer to him. I stood to go tip toe out of the room, looked back, and watched Emily's eyes flutter closed as she settled into the safety of her Daddy's arms and drifted to sleep.
Comments
Jul. 5, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by crochetmom
I have lost 3 children. One a single pregnancy and the other was twins. My children ask similar questions from what seems like 'out of the blue'. Even if we never understand I pray God's healing and peace for your family.
Jul. 5, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by 2boysmom
I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray God will speak to your children's hearts in ways they can understand.
God bless you all.
Aug. 21, 2009 - Sorry
Posted by basketflat
Oh, I'm so sorry. I hope the grief is getting a little easier to bear day by day for you and yours. My prayers are with you.
Cathy
Aug. 21, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Poiema
Many prayers for your family. Two of mine have gone to heaven. It is definitely hard for a kid to understand-we barely understand when it happens. God Bless...
