How will my children process , in their minds, me being their mother. Will they think I was always too busy cleaning, washing, rushing, etc. that I couldn't play with them? I can't remember the last time I sat on the floor and played with anyone. I don't think I've ever played dolls with my 9 year daughter. Now I must admit that as a child I didn't like to play with dolls. But that was only because I didn't have anyone to play with.
Will they remember a rigid, quick tempered fuss box that wanted perfection instead of allowing for inconvenient mistakes and mishaps? Will they think I was fun or too tired to go outside? Will they remember the potty training battles? Or will they think I tenderly trained them?
Will they want to be with me when I'm old? Will they sit and talk with me when I'm old, or will they be busy with life? Will they play cards with me or go outside with me when they are tired? Do they know I love them? I'm mean can they see God's love for them through me loving them? Will I be able to tell that they love me when life makes me the one that needs them?
Just things I'm thinking about tonight. But I will say this, I think I have some things I'm going to change. One thing is that I must spend time with them (not just watching tv). I don't actually think I know how to play! I mean just to sit around and play. I can play board games, but I'm talking about dolls, cars and superheroes. You know. I used to do fun crafts. Now I just clean or talk on the phone way too much!
Oh well, I'm just thinking out loud. Thanks for listening.
Angela!
It was nice meeting you just a min ago as you posted a comment on my blog. I am in the same boat when I read your rambling. Your thoughts on this are great thoughts and may I encourage you to not try to do it in your own power. When I try on my own I fail so miserably. Seek Jesus to change you in every area. Just yesterday I was encouraged by my friend to stop trying to be a better mom and wife and let Him do it. Doh! How simple is that?! We all know it. Right? But doing it is hard, I know, cuz I am a perfectionist myself and like clean and pick up behind yourself, please. I haven't played dolls cuz I'd rather fix a nutritious snack or meal for the kids. I let the girls stamp and make cards with them sometimes. I can do more and I should. I do want them to remember me with a smile on my face and a song on my lips. It will take quite a bit of dying to self. I have very little time on the comp. My blog will probably not have a huge list of friends or a blog roll. It probably not have a beatiful made custom template. My digi scrapbook pages won't get done or my fancy new cam's pics downloaded as soon as they are taken. All those things I love to do are so many and there is no end to them. If I do finish a project there is a nother one but the kids do grow so fast. You spoke your heart and it ministered to me too. I am not alone, I know that. So, let us join in prayer right now that we can and we will spend more time and be kind and patient with our blessings, AMEN?! I only blog out of my sleep time, hate to take time during the day. Better get to sleep. Nice meeting you.
angela....i'm right there with you! the lord has actually been speaking to me in this area for a long time now! I think I don't know how to play too! I've been starting slowly today we play david and goliath, just like duck duck goose, they had a blast! I tend to be the more serious one and my hubby is the more fun one, I need the Lord's help in this area...
Great post. I have been trying to spend more time with my little girls, too~cooking, field trips, games. I'm not very good at "playing" either (that's what big sisters are for!!) There are so many things we can take the time to do with them that make good memories. Yesterday we were supposed to be having a picnic while waiting on a field trip, but it was cold and drizzling rain, so instead of everyone sitting in their seats in the suburban, we folded down the back seat, and the little girls, dad, and I all crawled in the back, shut the hatch and had a cozy little picinic in the back. The girls thought that was hilarious and great. My child who hates to write, was saying she was going to journal about it. It's taking time for those little things that bring great memories.
The getting old part is on my mind a lot these days, as we deal with my grandmother, who is not easy to get along with. I don't want that for my children.
Letitia
Girlfriend! You have been busy--I stopped by a couple of times, but had to slow down and read all of this richness and take in the new look! I love the template--where'd you get it, if you don't mind me asking?
I thought about this question when I first read your entry yesterday, and it's given me lots of food for thought for my own entry. I won't go into everything, but here's what hit me:
1) My children will remember me in differently according to when/ what number they were born. The first was not only our first, but the first grandchild on one side, and the first in a long time on the other. We doted over her, and it shows. Our baby was our third, and we were overwhelmed and outnumbered. She's the one who doesn't get playtime and misses out on a number of those early childhood activities that we obsessed over (live Sesame Street shows, etc.) with the first.
2) My children will remember me at different stages in my motherhood. The older two will remember me more as a disciplinarian; the younger probably won't see near as many spankings as I've mellowed some in my "older age."
3) My children will remember me differently according to the season they're in as adults. I look at my mom quite differently as a 40+ year old (she had me when she was 44) than I did when I was in my twenties.
However they see me, I believe they'll see me as one who loved them, and often that love took a non-traditional form--making things clean and warm for them was, in my mind at least, showing love just like playing with dolls and bikes (of course, they might have to be parents themselves to see that). But I want, if nothing else, to be remembered as one who loved them unconditionally and who sacrificed that they might always have--that's the love that the Father showed me.
As you can see, you've given me much to think about! Thanks for such a thought-provoking post, Angela!
Stopped by for a visit and really enjoyed reading this entry. I think we all get busy with life and forget to enjoy the time we have with our kids. Thanks for reminding me that I need to have fun with my kids.
Belinda
I loved this post! I think about that often too. I think about how I remember MY mother - she was always playing with us. I want to be that kind of mom. Great post!
Blessings,
Dee@boysrus
Speaking of taking personal inventory, I've been thinking lately that I haven't played enough later either. I guess I'll have to figure out something this next week. Thanks for the post!
I'm a wife to a wonderful, loving husband of 13 years. I'm a mom with 7 children aging from 10 years to 9 weeks. I have 1 princess and 6 superheroes. This is my place to share our home, our school and my heart! Welcome! Stop by anytime.
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