This is my response to a recent post on Biblical Womenhood which can be viewed here.

I discussed this post and all the comments with my husband over dinner last night. He encouraged me to post a comment today. I want to be very careful in this response, but I'm going to have to crawl way out on a limb with Joanne and strongly disagree

Let me start by saying that this comment is not aimed at Crystal, but rather at the modern idea that motherhood paired with homemaking is burdensome and more than any woman can handle in an orderly, efficient and cheerful manner.

I recently read a blog where a woman said, "Are you a Proverbs 31 woman? Personally, I think it's an unreachable goal... I'm convinced that any woman who thinks she can do everything the Proverbs 31 woman can is a miserable, grumpy woman. It's too much to do." This is a woman who is linked to and from Biblical Womanhood. Is God's standard really burdensome, miserable and unattainable? What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."?

I'm new to the blog world and have been pretty discouraged by all the posts and pictures of moms wearing PJs in messy homes with piled dishes and undone laundry. I think it's the tone that discourages me more than anything else. We all have our days, but it should be the exception not the rule. The tone should be an apology and a plea for help, not a resignation to lower the standard. God's standard is always one of order. I mean look at the Proverbs 31 woman.

I feel like these posts are giving license to this type of lifestyle. It's the comments that get to me. The women who comment on these "I'm not perfect" posts seemed relieved. They appear to have found justification for a lifestyle for which they previously felt guilty. I would say their guilt is justified and they ought not to sear their consciences. I hate to see the standard lowered.

I think a healthy woman who obeys God in just 3 points should be able to fulfill ALL her homemaking responsibilities on a daily basis and much more:

1) submitting to and honoring her husband

2) training and disciplining her children (from birth)

3) working diligently to His glory

I am pregnant with my 5th child and live in a constant state of total exhaustion. But I drag myself from one task to the next all day long. Life is about going back and forth from the dishwasher to the washer and dryer to the diaper changing table and back again. That's life and I love it. I go to bed earlier than usual and probably am running at about 75%, but I still get meals made, dishes cleaned, laundry washed and homeschool completed. In addition, my husband has made me directly responsible for the daily operations of 3 of his companies, including managing employees. I also provide administrative support at the drop of the hat whenever he needs it. This alone takes up a significant part of my day. I don't say this to "toot my own horn". I just don't think that what I do is that amazing. It's like the verse in Luke 17 that says, "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'"

I hesitated to write this because my goal is not to say, "Oh look at me!" Really I am no different than anyone else. I'm just having a hard time understanding what keeps anyone from getting their daily tasks done, other than physical limitations, like severe nausea (Crystal) or other debilitating diseases. But I think even a person in such a situation can put guidelines in place to keep things sane. It's a matter of self-discipline, which by definition means forcing yourself to do something that you don't feel like doing. For example:

1) Force yourself to take a shower first time out of bed, no exceptions.

2) Force yourself to throw ingredients in the crock-pot straight out of the shower, before getting back in bed. It only takes a few minutes to open packages and throw them in.

3) Rinse and stack the dishes in a neat tower after each meal. This keeps the kitchen looking neat and tidy and allows you to easily load the dishwasher when you have some extra energy.

4) Keep up with the laundry by keeping the clean laundry in boxes/baskets sorted by load type (colors, lights, whites). It only takes a minute to move loads. What takes time is folding, hanging, etc. This way the clothes at least stay clean and somewhat organized with minimal effort.

Another issue that I think needs to be addressed is blogging. Blogging ought to come after all your responsibilities are fulfilled. I would feel extremely guilty sitting in my PJs blogging with piles of undone laundry and dishes. If you can blog, you can sit on the floor and sort laundry or sit in a chair and put on makeup. We should take extreme measures to obey God and honor our husbands. If you can't stand, put a plastic stool in the shower. If you can blog you can sit on the stool in the shower.

I'm with Joanne that modern women need a strong dose of antiquity. Have you ever read about Jonathan Edwards' wife, Sarah? How about the book, "Mother"? These women worked their fingers to the bone and their person, homes and kitchens were always open and prepared for visitors.

I don't recall my life changing much after our firstborn. I asked my husband last night and he confirmed that we went on with "life as usual". I think it all comes down to scheduling and discipline. Are you training the child or is the child training you?

So to answer the question about a 3-month old first child, I would say there isn't any reason you shouldn't be able to continue on with your pre-child lifestyle. And here's the beauty of God's design. As the family grows, so does the help. With only 1 baby, the amount of laundry and food prep are barely increased. But with more children the amount of laundry and food prep does grow, but so does the labor force. But this is a matter of proper training and discipline.

My husband refers to children as either assets or liabilities. At some point a child that previously could only take, becomes a child that can give and can contribute to the workload of the household. We train our children to become assets as early as possible. A 2 year old who is properly disciplined is just dying to work. But my husband has always made it clear that children must truly help and that means we dictate exactly what they do, not visa versa. Play-help isn't helpful. There are many benefits to training children to become assets. 1) It follows the pattern of Deut. 6. of training your children "along the way", 2) It instills a strong work ethic from an early age, and 3) As mom's responsibilities grow to include homeschool, she now has helpers to manage the household while she is working or schooling.

So to address the discussion of whether it gets harder with child 2 or 3, I would say no. A 2 year old should be able to keep the house picked up with initial micro-management. Around 3 to 5 children can unload the dishwasher, do the laundry, change diapers, prepare cold meals, do a lot of the house cleaning and entertain the younger ones. This list comes directly from our household. For just one example, my 5 year old is responsible for diaper changes. She loves her 2 younger brothers and joyfully changes their diapers every single day, even the really messy, stinky ones! :-) And the older they get the more helpful they become. But again, it's a matter of proper training.

The Bible has a very high calling for women. Proverbs 31 is a great place to start. And God promises that "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." God will give us the strength to obey all of His commands. We must follow the Proverbs 31 woman's example, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future."

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Posted by Anonymous

What a refreshing perspective. And great tips, too. We should fight the idea that we are destined to a shabby, sloppy lifestyle once we have children. It gives the idea that the only put-together women are the ones working outside the home (to name only one problem with the perspective).



I'm not where I need to be in this area, but one thing that has helped me to work hard and see the problem is to stop calling it "procrastination" and "lack of self-discipline" and using it's proper name: pure ole' Proverbial "laziness".



It is, however, extraordinary to be able to pull it off, at least in our culture it is.



Thanks for your thoughts,



Teriand6

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Posted by Joanne

Thanks for posting this. I was beginning to feel that I was the only one who disagreed!

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Posted by Genesis1x28

Do you have a blog? I'd love to read it, if you do. I really enjoyed your comments. Sorry you had to be out there by yourself. I've been there before and it can be difficult. I tried to post my comment and hoped it would encourage you, but they didn't post it.

Tina

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Posted by Mrs. Brigham

Thank you very much for posting this. I am a new mother to a two month old baby girl and have been working very hard at my housekeeping, just as I did prior to her arrival. It seems impossible to find others who believe they can keep up their pre-child standards for their home life and this is most discouraging.

Thank you again for your encouraging post. Your blog looks very interesting and I greatly look forward to reading more of your writings. God Bless!

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Posted by Anonymous

Hi Tina,
I just read your post and I agree with much of what you have written. There's only one very important part missing, reliance on Christ alone. We simply cannot do anything in our own strength, and through our own good works. The more we recognize how much we need Him the closer we will draw near to Him. I think that was the point of the post you are referring to, and yes sometimes it is comforting to know that we are not alone in this struggle.

I think that most people do the best they can with what they have been given. I just hope we can lift each other up with encouragment and let God convict our hearts if/when need be. He's so much better at that than we are! May God bless you, and keep up the good work at home! love, Samantha

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Posted by Mrs. T.

As the mother of five children I have to say a five year old changing diapers is wrong. And with all you are doing throughout the day I imagine he/she changes more than a few diapers.

I totally disagree with your husband. Children are a gift from God not assets or liabilities.

I came over from your comments at Biblical Womanhood and I am very disappointed by what I am reading.

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Posted by Anonymous

How about we all just look to God for our standards and stop criticizing and comparing ourselves? Comparing yourself with others and trying to change people's views gets you nowhere, believe me, I have tried. I think God is pleased when we are striving to do all we can according to what He has laid on our hearts, not other people.

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Posted by Anonymous

Mrs. T,

This issue of "perfectionism" and keeping a clean house is a difficult one. People often feel threatened or upset when they perceive a criticism coming their way. It's seems by your post that you are upset. Please don't be. I'd like to do better in this area of household management and I'm glad to hear from those who are good at it. Why should we get those kinds of tips from those who are throwing their hands up in despair, or those who have a new great plan every month but can never execute? I am inspired to hear how it actually gets done, not upset. So I encourage you also to take what you can and don't let it bother you if some one else would like to see a higher standard than what is common.
It's not "wrong" for a 5 year old to change diapers. Just because your average 5 year old can't do it, doesn't mean they all can't, or that it's immoral to have them do it. With proper training 5 year olds can do many things.
As far as "assets" and "liabilities" in either case, the child is still a blessing, a wonderful gift from God. I think the point of assets a liabilities was how that wonderful blessed gift contributes to the overall well-being of the family.

I'm writing to make a small defense, and I hope you see the peaceful spirit I intend.

Teriand6

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Posted by Anonymous

I'd like to know if your children have time to be simply children. There is plenty of time later in life to be loaded down with responsibilities. I hope you let them have plenty of carefree, light-hearted play time. If they don't get it now, when will they? You can't look at a child and not know that God made them to delight in play and creative child-like activities, not just working at being "assets".

And another thought--you need to be concerned about your future health if you are operating on total exhaustion all the time. This is likely to affect you adversely later on. God expects us to do our best, but He also wants us to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit.

Lisa

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Posted by Genesis1x28

When do you stop "letting them be kids" and start training them to be adults? 13? 18?

The "terrible twos" and the "teenage rebellion" is a direct result of "just letting them be kids".

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Posted by Genesis1x28

Do you think the Proverbs 31 woman should have stopped to worry about her health?

"She riseth also while it is yet night...her lamp goeth not out by night..."

Edited by Genesis1x28 on January 10, 2007 at 9:23 PM

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Posted by Anonymous

Tina,

Surely you allow recreation time. Even adults get that. But I'll bet you'll say that you avoid "idleness" for your kids and you seek to teach them responsiblity, self-discipline, and, no doubt, specific skills (like cooking and diaper changing, perhaps?) as a first priority over play time, no? And that training time is invaluable mother/daughter (or son) time.

Lisa,

If you keep up on the chores, the kids and mom aren't slaving over it all day. It only takes about 25 minutes after breakfast, with everyone working together, and some regular "clean sweeps" to keep the basics done.

Teri

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Posted by Anonymous

I saw your comment so clicked on your name. :) I appreciated your post here and Joanne's comment from the other blog.

I'm not married yet(so I hesitate to comment on these type of issues knowing that I'd probably get the "you aren't qualified to speak on this issue" which to some degree would be true) but I have to admit that I've gotten somewhat discouraged by the attitude that disdain is supposed to be had of anyone that has it together with little kids. We live in a generation that uses excuse after excuse after excuse. Some are valid and yes, we are all human and are going to fail, but should it not be our goal to run our life along the Scripture verse "Let all things be done decently and in order(1 Cor. 14:40)." I know that context is referring to the church but isn't it a good guideline and goal for our lives?



When people label scripture as unreachable, unattainable,etc. I wonder why they even use the Bible. God didn't preserve those chapters, verses, for naught or to discourage us and make us feel that we are failures. Proverbs 31 isn't just a nice little story.



I think that it is wonderful that you have your young children helping. Kids with unproductive-around-the-clock-play time are restless, not happy and usually getting into trouble. No, they aren't worked to be worked like slaves but, they are learning to enjoy work before they even realize that they are "working." What little kids don't enjoy helping. It give them self worth and they feel that they are important and needed. Try getting a five-year-old to do some work when they've had five years of mom doing all the work. That is why I believe partially why mother's burnout, especially with bigger families. She is working for how many kids plus herself instead of working all together. Then, as she eventually decides everyone should be pulling their weight, she meets resistance because the kids have been trained that work is something to be avoided rather than just a part of life.



One oft quoted saying in our family is, "You do what you want to do" which is very true. I know I've struggled with it at times but it is a very important to keep yourself reminded of that. I know I don't have small children, other responsiblilities and work related with that, but I do stay very busy. My goal is to continually prioritize what it most important and work on those areas. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all or that things don't get disorganized in my life, but I want to be striving to do my best so that my life doesn't consist of excuses.

I guess I kind of got rambling here... :)



~Lindsey

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Posted by Anonymous

I really and truly think you mean well. However, many of your thoughts are discouraging I feel. I don't see in the bible where it is a sin to be in one's pajamas on occasion if need be. Yes, we are to strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman, but I believe there is a lot of "gray" in between that we don't know about that woman either. We never get to read about when she is sick or in need, do we?



Everyone's "best" is different. As women, let's stop this comparing - it gets us nowhere, really. Usually, I would just bypass a blog article that I feel to be not encouraging - but I felt it might help for you to read another perspective.



God forbid if you were to end up with some type of chronic disease that "never" went away. (I pray you never have to experience that.) Would your attitude change then? If you were to have cancer for example, would be pushing yourself to that same extent? I am someone with chronic health issues - can you begin to even understand what it is like to wake up EVERY day and not feel well and to have very limited energy (I'm speaking of years)? At least with pregnancy, you should be doing better within a few months. There are days I literally can hardly get out of bed or prepare my appearance adequately because I am so fatigued I can hardly move. I have to pick my choices every day VERY carefully. And there are many things that have to be let go of.



I am sure you would shudder in horror to see my home. It is clean, but cluttered. I don't really care what anyone thinks, other than my God and my husband. And I know they both love me and understand my limitations. And that is what matters.



That is wonderful that you call yourself to such high standards, but I feel like Crystal that it should not be imposed upon others. Perhaps you are not realizing the discouragment you might be reflecting upon others who cannot live up to that, for whatever reasons are occurring in their lives. I pray you can be a little more open-minded to others in difficult situations without having to experience such hardship in your life.



I would just like to add though, that you are not the only christian woman doing this in the blog world - and I pray that you will see that I am only trying to help, as you felt you were trying to help Crystal.

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Posted by Anonymous

I just wanted to add that it's not always best to "force" yourself to get things accomplished. If you are healthy and well, then yes, but if you are sick/or have something chronic, sometimes pushing yourself will make the matter worse.

And also, I have the desire to be disciplined - but I will add that "the spirit is willing, but my body is weak". So often that discipline is not there and I refuse to live an unhappy life because I have limitations. I would be living out the rest of my days in discontent and discouragement.

Only we know inside how we truly feel physically - no one else can make those standards for any of us.

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Posted by Anonymous

Boy, I just don't even know where to start. At the risk of discouraging you, which doesn't seem likely given your cold hard take on life, where is your sense of balance? Are you a fun hater? I am a very disciplined person and do all the things you decribed as being required to be a "good" wife except treat my children as slaves, but I do say that your lack of love and grace leaves me wondering how you can look in the mirror and honestly say all these "works" make you righteous. And if I fell into bed each night completely exhausted after running at 75% all day, I'm afraid my husband would be slightly disappointed not to be having great sex. Your husband and you both seem to have a sterile view of life and perhaps it is my last point that is the main problem.

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Posted by Mrs. T.

I am not upset just a bit sad as I read blogs which are written trying to portray either Biblical Womanhood or Proverbs 31 and yet all I can hear is Pride!

Deut. 6 is often used for the "training of children" in household chores etc.etc. But if you read the entire chapter the "along the way" has to do with verse five, Loving God with all our Heart, Soul, and Mind. But please go read it yourself.

5"(G)You shall love the LORD your God (H)with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

6"(I)These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.

7"(J)You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Yes, we are responsible to train our children, but we are also told to "love them". If you study Titus 2, it teaches that this is a tender love.

My heart is sad for the young woman or mother who may be reading all of this and formulating some ideas which are not based on God's word. I would encourage her to go to an older woman in the church and talk with her.

Having a day or two that you stay in your pajamas all day is not wrong and neither is showing a 5 year old how a diaper is changed. But either extreme could be. God looks at the heart. THANKFULLY!

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Posted by Anonymous

To Anonymous who wrote "Boy, I just don't even know where to start..." I think the words you were searching for are, "with the intent of discouraging you..." Someone wake me up from this twilight zone in which a Christian woman can't appeal to Proverbs 31 and a biblical work ethic without being attacked as a "fun-hater" and worse. Did you think that Tina explained her entire worldview on this post about homekeeping? Does she have to detail all the fun they have as a family before the bible is sufficient for this discussion? Her children are "slaves" because they instill integrity and prioritize scripture over "feelings?" Is she sinful for working as hard as she can, even when she's pregnant? She seems to be well-meaning and simply discouraged by a cultural and systemic problem. Can you expand on your thoughts about "lack of love and grace" for us, please?

-ctk

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Posted by Anonymous

Actually you're not too far off if the "intent" you meant was to discourage women from writing these extra-biblical mandates. First, I was simply asking if she hated fun, not based on the Scripture reference, but as a general view of life.



Secondly, I did not think her entire view on homekeeping would be represented in one post, but that is a risk you take in blogging on such issues. You had best sum up carefully what you mean. Words of grace do not stir up strife, but pride certainly does. And that post was riddled with it.



And, ah, the last stab of the knife...."Can you expand on your thoughts about "lack of love and grace" for us, please?" Well, I could try, but Scripture does it better...James 3:17-18 "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace."



Were my comments peaceable? Probably not. Unfortunately, my weakness in the flesh is not always holding my tongue and using my words to edify. And I do apologize for how I said what I said in my first post, but my general attitude towards the original post has not changed. I must point out here that it wasn't me who was trying to belittle other women and make them feel inferior. Do you really think women will rise up from under that type of criticism and go ahead with gusto to be a super clean housekeeper? Most people just try to avoid women with such "high" standards...not because they make them feel guilty, but they're just awful to be around. There's just something repelling about women who like to make you feel like garbage instead of encouraging you to go forward in your walk with Christ, responding to the light He shows us individually, and loving Him first and foremost.

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Posted by Anonymous

I am reminded of the verse in Matthew in which Christ calls you take the log out of your own eye before pointing out the splinter in mine. But since you started spouting off....



While I believe in children being raised with an age appropriate work ethic, I find it reprehensible that you have a five year old changing diapers. This is NOT the same as helping and picking up a toy. Your children are not there for your labor, and if you cannot handle filling the most basic of needs for your children yourself, I think worrying about a spotless house prideful.



If you husband standard is so demanding that you are forced to make these choices, maybe he should remember that there is a second part to the verses of "Wives, obey your husbands."



Thank God my husband does not maintain such a need for power trips, and prefers respect in a marriage. Obedience is for dogs!

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Posted by Martha

I think you have some very good points here! I have found actually that I have a harder time getting everything done once I have 2 older ones and 2 younger ones. I think it is because now there is more to do! I think that it all takes time though, it takes time to train children to do their chores, to help you cheerfully around the house and some days you cannot get it all done. If I am up all night, I will sleep in a bit in the morning so I can function better during the day. My husband is Russian and his sisters, mother and some of his Sil's are paragon housekeepers, many of them work outside the home, cook from scratch, keep spotless houses etc. with many children. I will never forget though my MIL telling me how she begged God to let her die when she was pregnant with her fifth boy scrubbing the floor! She was so tired she just wanted to die. It is okay to rest sometimes, it is not okay to let things go all the time! We do not need to make excuses and let things go all the time, but we need to be okay that sometimes it is fine to have a mess, so that when we are my MIL's age, we have not half killed ourselves before we were 40. I am someone that many people when they come over will say my house is clean, it does not always feel clean to me, but it is picked up usually.

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Posted by Martha

Oh, I do not remember how old I was when I first changed diapers, but I know my sister was 5. We grew up working hard and were not damaged by it, I am the oldest of 11 children and that is what families do, they work together. We did have time to do things that were not work. We played, we read, and other "normal" childlike things. I do not havemy boys change diapers, for one thing because they have never needed to, but my son can scrub a bathroom better than most!

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Posted by Anonymous

This is the most bizarre debate I have ever seen.



-Zan

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Posted by Anonymous

"Actually you're not too far off if the "intent" you meant was to discourage women from writing these extra-biblical mandates. First, I was simply asking if she hated fun, not based on the Scripture reference, but as a general view of life."

Thank you for responding to my post. I did not mean "discourage women from writing these extra-biblical mandates." I really meant that it seemed your intent was to discourage Tina personally. You asked her how she could look in the mirror...? Good "works" are not sins or something to refer to with disdain. We (Christians) are called to do good works. And that does include a biblical work ethic and being kind to another Christian, even online. Furthermore, I do not understand what is extra-biblical about Provers 31.

"Secondly, I did not think her entire view on homekeeping would be represented in one post, but that is a risk you take in blogging on such issues. You had best sum up carefully what you mean. Words of grace do not stir up strife, but pride certainly does. And that post was riddled with it."

What exactly is the risk? She summed up her points very carefully, with consideration for exceptions. I only bring this up because I think in anger (at worst) or misunderstanding (at best) people here and elsewhere have deliberately misrepresented what Tina has stated. She never said that there are no exceptions, that everyone had to be perfect, that fun is bad or that pj's are from the devil. She's sharing her views on scripture and hopes for a higher standard for Christian women. The frustration in her tone came nowhere near the self-righteous, even mocking tone people have used in response to her post -- many with harsh accusations of pride. The sarcasm (not from you) and staggering double standard makes me wonder if people read what they are writing? The bible says that harsh words stir up strife. (Proverbs 15:1)

What is so infuriating about what she's saying? Is it how she's saying it? Is it that she uses the term "low standard?" These are certainly not new concepts. We just live in a modern society that wasn't taught to value (or how to run) a well-ordered home. Read Charles Dickon's "David Copperfield."

"And, ah, the last stab of the knife...."Can you expand on your thoughts about "lack of love and grace" for us, please?" Well, I could try, but Scripture does it better...James 3:17-18 "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace."
Were my comments peaceable? Probably not. Unfortunately, my weakness in the flesh is not always holding my tongue and using my words to edify. And I do apologize for how I said what I said in my first post, but my general attitude towards the original post has not changed. I must point out here that it wasn't me who was trying to belittle other women and make them feel inferior. Do you really think women will rise up from under that type of criticism and go ahead with gusto to be a super clean housekeeper? Most people just try to avoid women with such "high" standards...not because they make them feel guilty, but they're just awful to be around. There's just something repelling about women who like to make you feel like garbage instead of encouraging you to go forward in your walk with Christ, responding to the light He shows us individually, and loving Him first and foremost."


We all have weakness and besetting sins. But you certainly were trying to belittle and I don't think the author of this post was. Of course some people are awful because of how they make you feel. No one wants to be around that kind of person. I would not bother to read the blog of such a person. But sometimes we can misread people's good intentions, too. We should be reasonable with one another and try and believe the best. James 3:17-18 is a wonderful verse. Thank you for posting it.

-ctk

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Posted by Anonymous

You're welcome. I certainly do not think good works are sin. My point is that the only good we can do is that which Christ does through us. I don't exactly consider keeping house a good work, but rather something that is expected. But how I keep my house--and keep in mind I don't disagree with her standards per se...I mostly do the same things myself--doesn't elevate me above my sisters. And thinking the best of someone (including assuming that they usually keep their home clean) is great advice. There is nothing extra-biblical about Proverbs 31, but forcing yourself to throw something in the crockpot is. I would think it would be best to realize that the author's words are not exactly inspiring, judging from the responses. Is it really all of us who found it offensive who are off base, or maybe the few that agree with her?

Somehow I am called to task here, but I'm not the one with a blog, trying to be a teacher. You said "She summed up her points very carefully, with consideration for exceptions." but you also said she didn't sum up her housekeeping view in your first post. I was giving you and her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't have all her views represented, so I checked out her other writings. They are negative, demeaning and again, there is this overall sense of pride that comes through the writings that cannot be masked however one tries. The only reason I'm over on this blog for the last couple days is because of the Biblical Womenhood site. I do not intend to keep reading this blog as the writings just seem mean and discouraging. I really don't think she's being misread. Not if you consider all of her writings.

Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention...that was the verse I was thinking of earlier...not the harsh words one.

Well, anyways, I'm sure this has gone on long enough. I just thought your last post left more unanswered than said.

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Posted by Anonymous

Thanks again for responding. I only called you to task because your post was mean. You were the one being negative, demeaning and proud. I haven't read the rest of the site but this post on housekeeping was thoughtful and helpful to me. She said she was trying to show examples of how these things can flesh out not trying to elevate herself. I think she was misread on this one. Either way, if you don't like her tone appeal with gentleness and specifics. Don't do the very thing you say you resent. This has gone one long enough. Wish you the best. I have to get back to my chores : )

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Posted by Anonymous

Teri, I am aware that keeping on top of the chores is a good idea and saves time.

Tina, you didn't answer the question I asked. I didn't say that you should "let kids be kids" perpetually and all the time. I was wondering because of comments like "play-help isn't helpful" and the general impression I got from the post. Do children have to be helpful to their mother every single moment?

Also, it does not say specifically in Prov. 31 whether or not the woman stops to "worry about her health", but I would bet that as a wise woman, she cared about it so that she could continue to do all she was called to do. God created our bodies with needs for rest and relaxation sometimes too, and it doesn't pay to ignore the way He made us.

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Posted by Anonymous

Ooops, that was me, Lisa, just above.

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Posted by Pheistychick

Hi there! Thanks for your blog post, and thanks to everyone else for the comments. I'm currently working on doing a seminar for the ladies at our church on keeping an organized home, so this really hit the mark.

I'm not a homeschooling mom, but I work full time and in the past have struggled keeping a clean home. I was a single mother for several years, so I finally figured out that my children and I could live in peace if the house was in order. When I couldn't find their socks in the morning, I would flip out. When I had to come home after a hard day at work and cook dinner, I cringed and resorted to Ramen noodles. But what I discovered is that if we eliminate the clutter from our lives, and organize things so that we know where everything is and where everything goes, our lives as mothers and wives are much more pleasant, and therefore become more pleasant and healthy to our families.

As Americans, we are spoiled. We have so many things - even those of us who aren't that 'well-off - that previous generations would have considered 'extreme excess'. We pile our living rooms high with children's toys that they don't need, and we collect all kinds of unnecessary things that most often are forgotten about because we have so much stuff that we get 'cluttered' and we can't even see what we have. We are called to be 'good stewards' of what God has entrusted us with, and if we are disrespectful to the things he has given us, we are, in fact, living sinfully. If we are wasteful in our purchases, and buy things that simply clutter up our lives and become forgotten items in a basement, we are not being good stewards.

I don't believe that all people are organized by nature, and that's why those of us who are organized should help our fellow women. There's nothing as rewarding and fun as getting together with a couple of girlfriends and helping each other organize a room in one of your homes. You can barter by helping each other, and in the end, you are all better off, better organized, and better stewards of God's blessings.

My hope for this seminar that I'm doing is that this will become a monthly thing, and that all of the ladies will take turns helping each other organize their homes. It's great fellowship opportunity, and in the process, we're helping each other make our homes more pleasant places for us and our families.

Hope this offered a unique viewpoint to you hardworking homeschooling moms. I have the utmost respect for each of you. :)

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Posted by Anonymous

Pregnant for the fifth time, homeschooling, running a home and your husband has decided you can manage some of his companies as well? So much for the weaker vessel. Where are the blogs written by men who tell other men to honor their wives and not treat them like mules?

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Posted by Anonymous

"Do you think the Proverbs 31 woman should have stopped to worry about her health? "


No...I think she was an ideal that lived in an imagination.

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