There is a common theme that I have seen running through this whole debate.  The opponents keep presenting a false dilemma.  The thinking goes like this, "I'd rather be cheerful in my PJs with my house a mess when my husband gets home than all dressed up in a clean house with a snappy and grumpy attitude."  Are those really the only two choices?

Why can't we be dressed up in a clean house with a nice meal on the table with a gentle and sweet attitude when our husbands arrive home?  Why isn't that one of the options?  That's the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman.  The "law of kindness was on her tongue" and she "smiled at the future".  But she also "girded her arms with strength" and "her lamp did not go out at night".

Why can't we work hard with cheerfulness?  That's what I aim for every day of my life.

I almost got the feeling from these comments that work made these women grumpy.  Perhaps this is the problem?  Does hard work and self-discipline turn you into a grumpy, snappy person?  It shouldn't!

A friend told me yesterday that when Nancy Wilson was asked how she "does it all," she replied by saying, "I work really hard ALL DAY LONG!"  And knowing her, I'm sure she did it with the utmost dignity and kindness.

It's possible ladies.  It just requires repentance from sinful patterns, prayer, hard work, self-discipline and a Godly attitude.  For those who want to aim for God's standard, I recommend reading Proverbs 31 every day.  It's convicting and inspiring every single time I read it.

• Post A Comment! • Send to a Friend!

Posted by Anonymous

I just posted a rather lengthy comment on my blog explaining some further thoughts on what you wrote. I thought maybe some clarification would help, since I think you and I probably mostly agree on everything - it's just the way that it's being presented that I'm concerned about.

I hope you know that it was written in love and kindness and I pray that it is in no way offensive. I just encourage you to remember to point wives to their husbands first, to honor them. That was the concern my husband had with your comment. It was laying out some specifics that a woman should always do (or else, by your definition, she's lazy) without encouraging her to consult her husband first of all. I've seen many women get caught up in trying to do XYand Z because that is what so-and-so told her a good wife is supposed to do all the while neglecting that her first priority is to honor the Lord by honoring her husband and maybe her husband could care less about XY and Z and would rather she focus on AB and C.

Anyway, may the Lord richly bless you - it sounds like there is much I could learn from you! Just don't forget to take time to breathe and enjoy your precious little ones and your husband and home! :) I'm exhausted just thinking about everything you do!

Crystal
http://www.BiblicalWomanhood.com

• Permanent Link

Posted by opheliag

I have to disagree with your attitude. You seem to make the point that if your home isn't clean, you aren't spiritual enough - if you can't handle everything, you just aren't godly enough. That isn't true at all. You cannot judge a person's spiritual condition based on the condition of their home. It's not that easy.

I am glad that you were able to bounce back after having your babies. You need to thank God everyday that you did not have any complications or suffer from any kind of depression. After the births of all three of my children, I experienced hormone imbalances and severe depression. While it is easy to say that all I needed was self-discipline, the truth is that something was medically wrong with me and self-discipline was not enough to fix the problems. During that time, my life was different. My home did not get cleaned. It was an achievement for me to have the children clean and dressed and myself clean and dressed.

A lot of women had the attitude that you have. I was told that I wasn't spiritual enough, that I had sin in my life, that I didn't have enough self-discipline, that God was judging me, and many other things along the same lines. Never once did anyone offer to help me. I felt like I was drowning, and no one offered a rope.

The other issue that I take is how would an unsaved woman feel after reading your blog? Would she want to become a Christian? Our (the church's) purpose on earth is to go out and spread the gospel. Everything that we do should be towards this end.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Joanne

In regard to your question of whether I have a blog or not - no, I don't. A long time ago I asked my husband if I could start one. He told me that we would think about it for a while and then if I haven't anything more important to do than blog....and in that time, I have discovered that there are many, many things I would rather spend my free time doing. Our oldest is turning 5 next month and will being homeschooling this year. With that dauntingly exciting task looming over us, I doubt there will be a 'Joanne blog' anytime in the near future! I'm thankful that you enjoyed my comments.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Joanne

Hi Tina, I'm looking forward to the post you mentioned over on Crystal's blog regarding your family. Over the years I've come across very few bloggers who I can respect or agree with. t was great to see someone who agreed with me, but I also want (no offense intended toward you) to be careful and learn a little more about the people who's blogs I'm reading. And learn a little more about what they believe.
Looking forward to what you have to say!

• Permanent Link

Posted by brooke30

I posted a little while ago and it didn't show up. So, I think I must have made a mistake.

I think there have been right and wrong comments made on both sides of this issue. There is so much "pretending I'm perfect" in the blogging world that I think Crystal wanted to be honest about how things really were that day. Her blog has been very clear that blogging is part of a ministry blessed by her husband. So, it would not be right to question whether she ought to be blogging or not. However, I do think that many of the responses to her honesty showed a lack of maturity in the posters. They seemed to think that Crystal having a messy pajama day meant that ALL their own messy pajama days were righteous. KWIM? So, I see what a couple of you saw in those posts. A problem I noticed, though, was that it did seem that the posts addressing that lack of maturity had a lack of grace and seemed to be actually attacking the messy pajama day that Crystal had in the midst of her amazingly complex life that week / months. I think a lot of the nastyish posts were those who jumped to her defense. You probably already saw that on your own. And some of the posts after that tried to remedy it a little. So, things to be learned on both ends is my thought.

Anyway, I had originally posted to say that I had told my husband about this and he said, "I bet Mary's house was clean." (from the Mary and Martha story). I thought that was a very interesting comment! As the toasted cheese sandwiches cool for my boys' lunch - I was just thinking about all this. I was thinking how it is so often not magazines or younger ladies - but it is OLDER ladies are the ones who tell me to not worry so much about the mess, but to just enjoy my children. And I do have to think about that. They are commenting from experience. Sure, they may not have learned how to bring their children alongside them in getting the work done and enjoying each other as you work. But what they have to say is very valuable. They know how short the time is with their children. They know that they must have tried too hard to have things picture perfect and just so - and missed out on beautiful days and training chances and times to teach the word of God to their children. It is such valuable advice to remember.

I think we have to be careful that we don't look around at other people and say that, because they didn't do what our own husband expects us to do that day (or what we expect OURSELVES to do that day), that they have done wrong. I have grown so much as I have had children. I have looked back and seen that, yes, there was more I could have done when I "only" had one child than now when I have four little boys. However, plenty of that had nothing to do with sin, rather just learning as I go in tips and tricks to manage my household. This isn't something to ungraciously cry "lazy" over. Yes, lazy applies many times. But there are a million and one days where life doesn't fit into my little slots I made the night before when I planned the day out. And I have to remember that being a mommy does not have a clearly defined in box and out box.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

To the person whose husband said, "I bet Mary's house was clean."

You have a wonderfully wise hubby. And thank you for reminding me that it IS the older women saying "slow down, enjoy the children". Young women are competitive, the older ones usually just want to help.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

In the past, paragon houswives had either very little to keep, making keeping a spotless house not very time-consuming, or a few servants (or slaves depending on era) to help with the extra work created by a larger home with lots of belongings and with all the chores that HAD to get done for survival (for example, food preservation, quilting) and basic cleanliness and comfort (for example, soapmaking, candlemaking). In the past, life for the ordinary woman was quite simple but demanding. Nowadays, life is not so much demanding but made way more difficult than it should be. In the past, an ordinary housewive would have made 3 meals a day (if so blessed) and those meals would have been quite simple -- mush for breakfast, maybe with some cured pork or other cured meat; cornbread maybe with some cured meat for lunch; and beans or soup that had been simmering all day on the stove (now we have crockpots) with some cornbread. Of course, in the USA, certain times of the year allowed for variety, but by and large, the multi-dish meals of today were reserved for the upper classes.

I remember reading through the Little House books as an adult and wishing I had only one or two pots, plates, and utensils to clean for each meal. If I did, I would have more time for sewing, gardening, preserving food, candlemaking, soapmaking, etc. -- things that are hobbies for most people in the USA today but in the past were necessary because there was no mass production, nor was there a money economy.

Only when a lot of frippery(for example, multiple sets of dishes, fresh clothes on a daily basis) was deemed necessary for life did homelife become such a minefield. When things were kept as simple as possible, things got done. In the past, they had to get done, or the poor housewife who didn't get her soap made had to go 'round begging for some.

If you are interested, a great example of a hardworking Proverbs 31 woman can be found in Conrad Richter's trilogy _The Awakening Land_, which chronicles the life of Sayward Wheeler Luckett, who being illiterate and a "woodsy" most of her life, never even knew she was a Proverbs 31 woman. While Sayward is a fictional character, women of her ilk existed and still do today.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

I see that you are new to blogging and wanted to share my experience with you.

I stumbled into the world of Christian homemaking homeschooling blogging sites quite by accident: I was looking for a recipe for something. I remember being spellbound for a while -- all the perfect little lives fascinated me. After almost a year of being caught up in this subculture, I finally decided enough is enough. I see now that none of this is for Christ. It is really for showing off. I have come to this conclusion after seeing how the tone of many blogs has changed after the bloggers have received anything from a few comments to a tremendous following. What starts out as a thinly disguised desire to chronicle one's life for Christ and family soon turns in to a forum primarily for boasting and some soapboxing and judging. Most of these blogs are outlets for vanity -- people who aren't really good enough to have things legitimately published seeing this as the only way they and others can see words in print.

I tried and quit blogging. I always felt as if what I was doing was fraught with vanity and boasting and was really a waste of time. I found myself trying to create moments in the home just to post on my blog. I forced myself to quit. After 3 months of not blogging, I decided to stop by some of my favorite blogs. I was disgusted. Can you believe I stopped by right when this "great pj debate" started? Perfect timing.

If you want to work on your writing skills, try a Word document. They are so much better, and even have nifty little features that help with spelling and grammar. Blogging and looking at other blogs is a waste of time and exercise in futility and vanity.

Don't buy into the myth that it's for Christ. I think you can serve Christ in much better ways.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

Have you given thought to how your words might come across to a non-believer? It may seem like this debate is for Christian mothers, but you can rest assured that when someone Google's homekeeping that this will probably pop up.

Some of the nasty comments that were left for you are just a part of the whole ugly scene that has taken place. Although, some had good and valid points.

I have to agree with anonymous who spoke of the reasons she doesn't blog. I agree with her that there is a lot of pride intertwined in some of the blogs. I personally gave up blogging because I could not see the benefit. What a snare that is! I did however choose a few blogs to visit. Now, after reading all of this between you and Crystal, I honestly am ready to totally give up reading at all.

I believe that you do have some very good points that were taken out of context. On the other hand, I do feel that the way you left comments on Crystal's blog actually stirred the pot in the wrong direction. With that said, I also feel Crystal could have been less manipulative in how she handled it. I think you both owe your readers and apology for how you both handled this situation. Flames were fanned that didn't have to be. If you have a blog and are a Christian lady spouting high standards, then live up to them!

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

Dear ladies, speaking of Mary, if Proverbs 31 is the standard we must rigidly hold ourselves and each other to, regardless of our current circumstances, wouldn't our dear Lord have responded differently in the following situation?



And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."



And don't you love this invitation and promise from Him?



"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."



Grace and peace to you,

GrammaMack

• Permanent Link

Posted by Anonymous

Tina,

My comment was the ninth one down. I wanted to apologize for even posting here. None of this has anything to do with me. All of this is between you and the Lord and Crystal. I apologize to both you and Crystal for my comments. I wish you both every blessing.

• Permanent Link

Posted by Christy

You give some very good food for thought. Thank you for taking the time to share your views, as I think you make some very valid points. I've been pondering your entry this evening as well as the BiblicalWomanhood entry along with something I read recently about our actions being a direct result of the state of our heart. Lots to think about.

And thank you for stopping by my blog and telling me about Wilson's Syndrome (that is what it's called, isn't it?). I'll be checking into that some more before my dr's appt.

• Permanent Link