This is my response to a recent post on Biblical Womenhood which can be viewed here.

I discussed this post and all the comments with my husband over dinner last night. He encouraged me to post a comment today. I want to be very careful in this response, but I'm going to have to crawl way out on a limb with Joanne and strongly disagree

Let me start by saying that this comment is not aimed at Crystal, but rather at the modern idea that motherhood paired with homemaking is burdensome and more than any woman can handle in an orderly, efficient and cheerful manner.

I recently read a blog where a woman said, "Are you a Proverbs 31 woman? Personally, I think it's an unreachable goal... I'm convinced that any woman who thinks she can do everything the Proverbs 31 woman can is a miserable, grumpy woman. It's too much to do." This is a woman who is linked to and from Biblical Womanhood. Is God's standard really burdensome, miserable and unattainable? What happened to "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."?

I'm new to the blog world and have been pretty discouraged by all the posts and pictures of moms wearing PJs in messy homes with piled dishes and undone laundry. I think it's the tone that discourages me more than anything else. We all have our days, but it should be the exception not the rule. The tone should be an apology and a plea for help, not a resignation to lower the standard. God's standard is always one of order. I mean look at the Proverbs 31 woman.

I feel like these posts are giving license to this type of lifestyle. It's the comments that get to me. The women who comment on these "I'm not perfect" posts seemed relieved. They appear to have found justification for a lifestyle for which they previously felt guilty. I would say their guilt is justified and they ought not to sear their consciences. I hate to see the standard lowered.

I think a healthy woman who obeys God in just 3 points should be able to fulfill ALL her homemaking responsibilities on a daily basis and much more:

1) submitting to and honoring her husband

2) training and disciplining her children (from birth)

3) working diligently to His glory

I am pregnant with my 5th child and live in a constant state of total exhaustion. But I drag myself from one task to the next all day long. Life is about going back and forth from the dishwasher to the washer and dryer to the diaper changing table and back again. That's life and I love it. I go to bed earlier than usual and probably am running at about 75%, but I still get meals made, dishes cleaned, laundry washed and homeschool completed. In addition, my husband has made me directly responsible for the daily operations of 3 of his companies, including managing employees. I also provide administrative support at the drop of the hat whenever he needs it. This alone takes up a significant part of my day. I don't say this to "toot my own horn". I just don't think that what I do is that amazing. It's like the verse in Luke 17 that says, "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'"

I hesitated to write this because my goal is not to say, "Oh look at me!" Really I am no different than anyone else. I'm just having a hard time understanding what keeps anyone from getting their daily tasks done, other than physical limitations, like severe nausea (Crystal) or other debilitating diseases. But I think even a person in such a situation can put guidelines in place to keep things sane. It's a matter of self-discipline, which by definition means forcing yourself to do something that you don't feel like doing. For example:

1) Force yourself to take a shower first time out of bed, no exceptions.

2) Force yourself to throw ingredients in the crock-pot straight out of the shower, before getting back in bed. It only takes a few minutes to open packages and throw them in.

3) Rinse and stack the dishes in a neat tower after each meal. This keeps the kitchen looking neat and tidy and allows you to easily load the dishwasher when you have some extra energy.

4) Keep up with the laundry by keeping the clean laundry in boxes/baskets sorted by load type (colors, lights, whites). It only takes a minute to move loads. What takes time is folding, hanging, etc. This way the clothes at least stay clean and somewhat organized with minimal effort.

Another issue that I think needs to be addressed is blogging. Blogging ought to come after all your responsibilities are fulfilled. I would feel extremely guilty sitting in my PJs blogging with piles of undone laundry and dishes. If you can blog, you can sit on the floor and sort laundry or sit in a chair and put on makeup. We should take extreme measures to obey God and honor our husbands. If you can't stand, put a plastic stool in the shower. If you can blog you can sit on the stool in the shower.

I'm with Joanne that modern women need a strong dose of antiquity. Have you ever read about Jonathan Edwards' wife, Sarah? How about the book, "Mother"? These women worked their fingers to the bone and their person, homes and kitchens were always open and prepared for visitors.

I don't recall my life changing much after our firstborn. I asked my husband last night and he confirmed that we went on with "life as usual". I think it all comes down to scheduling and discipline. Are you training the child or is the child training you?

So to answer the question about a 3-month old first child, I would say there isn't any reason you shouldn't be able to continue on with your pre-child lifestyle. And here's the beauty of God's design. As the family grows, so does the help. With only 1 baby, the amount of laundry and food prep are barely increased. But with more children the amount of laundry and food prep does grow, but so does the labor force. But this is a matter of proper training and discipline.

My husband refers to children as either assets or liabilities. At some point a child that previously could only take, becomes a child that can give and can contribute to the workload of the household. We train our children to become assets as early as possible. A 2 year old who is properly disciplined is just dying to work. But my husband has always made it clear that children must truly help and that means we dictate exactly what they do, not visa versa. Play-help isn't helpful. There are many benefits to training children to become assets. 1) It follows the pattern of Deut. 6. of training your children "along the way", 2) It instills a strong work ethic from an early age, and 3) As mom's responsibilities grow to include homeschool, she now has helpers to manage the household while she is working or schooling.

So to address the discussion of whether it gets harder with child 2 or 3, I would say no. A 2 year old should be able to keep the house picked up with initial micro-management. Around 3 to 5 children can unload the dishwasher, do the laundry, change diapers, prepare cold meals, do a lot of the house cleaning and entertain the younger ones. This list comes directly from our household. For just one example, my 5 year old is responsible for diaper changes. She loves her 2 younger brothers and joyfully changes their diapers every single day, even the really messy, stinky ones! :-) And the older they get the more helpful they become. But again, it's a matter of proper training.

The Bible has a very high calling for women. Proverbs 31 is a great place to start. And God promises that "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." God will give us the strength to obey all of His commands. We must follow the Proverbs 31 woman's example, "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future."

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I'm still reading through Assumptions That Affect Our Lives by Christian Overman and thoroughly enjoying it. In his chapter on Moral Order and Reason, he gives a beautiful description of dominion that I wanted to share. I often struggle to give a full picture of the dominion lifestyle. Our family attempts to live it on a daily basis but I struggle to encapsulate it into words. Mr. Overman has done just that.

He asks, "Who Rules Planet Earth?"

He answers, "instead of focusing on what we cannot do in our limitations, let's focus on what we can do in our freedom. For within the borders of our human boundaries, God has given us an astounding freedom, and the highest place of honor among all living things. David, the Hebrew shepherd-king, pondered this while out under the stars at night:

"When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels and You have crowned him with glory and honor. You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet," (Psalm 8:3-6 NKJ).

Man was commissioned to manage God's very creation! That which He spoke into existence and proclaimed to be good, He entrusted into the hands of human beings for care and stewardship. Man, being created in God's image, was thoroughly equipped for the task because the capacity for rulership is also one of the central aspects of what it means to be made in the likeness of God. Even as God is the infinite Governor of the universe, He made a likeness of Himself to be a finite governor on earth. We are the only creatures given stewardship over all the earth. It is a mandate of utmost responsibility, and a position of tremendous honor."

Who rules the earth right now? Unfortunately the pagans do. Our job is to reclaim dominion over God's creation. He made us stewards and entrusted us with this task, but unfortunately we have handed it over to the pagans. Where do we start? Within our own realm - our family, our business, our church, our community, our local government.

Mr. Overman goes on to say, "Now, pause and think for a moment. Consider your own sphere of responsibility. What has He placed into your hands? What has He given you to steward? To care for? To cultivate? To dress and keep? What has He put before you to develop? To foster? To invent? To refine? To advance? In what ways are you using those endowments He gave you, in the likeness of Himself, to care for and cultivate His world?"

I think of our job of retaking dominion like the analogy Christ uses to describe the Kingdom of God. It starts small like a mustard seed and grows into the largest of trees. Dominion may start small, but it can flourish into something large and influential.

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I fully intended to post my "mini-series" consecutively, but on the eve of my first post one of my employees quit with no notice due to family conflicts.  So last week I attempted to maintain my own busy schedule AND HERS!  On top of that my husband is listing his luxury development TOMORROW.  I feel like I haven't slept in a week.  Oh wait, I haven't.  So, all this to say, I'll be back to Proverbs after I train her replacement and get back to life as normal (if you can call it that).

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As I mentioned a few days ago, something about the modern Proverbs 31 women's movement has bothered me for a long time. Since my shower revelation (term used loosely, of course) a few days ago, I've been trying to organize my thoughts into sentences and paragraphs.

I've read through the passage over and over, making notes and organizing the verses into categories. I think verse 27 best sums up this woman: "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness." She worked hard to provide for the needs of her household. And to meet a lot of those needs, she had to make things at home by hand. We got the terms "homemade" or "handmade" from these types of activities. But I think somewhere along the road, the Proverbs 31 Woman has become equated with the woman who makes everything "handmade" or "homemade".

I used to attend a very large fundamentalist church where the women's ministry was very devoted to encouraging all women, young and old, to become "Proverbs 31". Though they often spoke of her wisdom, kindness and other virtues, most of the time the label "Proverbs 31" was used when someone had done something "crafty," like making cloth covered photo albums and Bible covers, cutting and stamping their own greeting cards, cross stitching a towel or pot holder, putting puffy bows on baskets and dried flower arrangements and so on. "Oh how Proverbs 31 of you!" or "Look at my Proverbs 31 items," they would say. Most women reading that list would probably be able to put a distinct decade on those activities -- the 80s! I've since left the "fundamentalist" camp and have become "reformed," but I still see Proverbs 31 being equated with "homemade". The homemade activities may have changed, but the emphasis remains the same.

I just finished listening to a pretty popular, reformed CD on homemaking where the speaker was encouraging other woman not to get discouraged by comparing themselves to her. She encouraged them that some day they would be able to do all these "wonderful, great, exciting things" too. She gave the examples of Quilt-Making & Candle Making. She went on to encourage them to just "work on one or two skills at a time... like say you don't make your bread, let's say you buy a lot of prepared foods... start with a couple of things and learn those, you're not going to be like us right now..." Another gal on the tape said later, "We have enjoyed taking on other projects as well, such as Cross-Stitching, Smocking, Crocheting, Knitting, Spinning, Quilting, Dried Flowers, Arranging and Cheese-Making. Becoming proficient in these things is something I know I will never regret."

I'm sorry ladies, but Quilt-Making, Candle-Making, Cross-Stitching, Smocking, Crocheting, Knitting, Spinning, Quilting, Dried Flowers, Arranging and Cheese-Making are hobbies. They may be fun and they may make you feel good about providing homemade items for your family and friends, but 1) the items being made are not necessities, and 2) there is just as much virtue in buying these things. If we are to follow in the Proverbs 31 woman's footsteps, we must be prepared to work hard, beginning before it is light and ending well into the night. There is a lot of work that is required to keep our homes running smoothly and I've found that I have very little time for hobbies and such. If I DO find free time, I usually read or write, but I don't find many hours in my week to spend in such activities.

But there is another category of homemade items that I do believe to be necessities. The question is whether or not making these types of items by hand is 1) better and 2) necessary.  I'll discuss this in Part II.

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