Today did not start well. I woke up tired, the kids woke up tired, and the house is a wreck from a week of nonstop activity. I started to feel sorry for myself, thinking if only my husband was here I could have slept in, or we could knock out the cleaning in a few hours, or he could handle the next discipline problem. I moped around for most of the morning and then put on a cd while I worked. I wasn't really listening to the cd until this one song came on, I stopped what I was doing and listened to the lyrics

It's my will, and I'm not moving
Cause if it's Your will, then nothing can shake me
It's my will, to bow and praise You
I now have the will to praise my God

Complexity haunts me for I am two men
Entrenched in a battle that I'll never win
My discipline fails me, my knowledge it fools me
But You are my shelter, all the strength that I need

I'm learning to give up the rights to myself
The bits and the pieces I've gathered as wealth
Could never compare to the joy that You bring me
The peace that You show me is the strength that I need

I then was reminded of an email my husband sent me a week or so ago and in it he wrote, "I can't be there for you but I am not adequate to the task, no man is. You need to run to God and pray for Him to make straight paths for you and to send you help
from natural and supernatural sources."

While it was not my plan for my husband to deploy it was God's plan and who am I to question God's will. He is perfect and his plan is perfect. My strength does not come from within, but from Him. Until I learn to lean on him at all times, I will fail again and again. If I am consumed with self doubt and pity how will I ever be able to receive His blessings? So, I am off to finish the second half of my day with a renewed strength and a better attitude.

And my God will supply every need

of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:19