Little Big Family - Holding back?

• Jun. 2, 2007
Holding back?

Are there things in your life you're waiting to do? I've been wanting to garden for years and years. I've actually tried it with dismal results.

We lived in our old house and I decided it needed some pretty flowers in front, so I dug out a flower bed. Yep, dug it out. I took the grass and weeds out and didn't mind that my flower bed was a couple inches lower than the yard. We even took pictures of little toddling Ash out there helping Mommy. How sweet. Then it rained. I now had a moat around the front of my house. The entire length of the front of the house, since when I get into something, I really go all the way.

So, I gave up flower gardening. I've had mild success with one house plant-the ivy. It takes me a long time to kill one!

When we lived in that old house, and sometimes in this current house, I walk around the yard and dream about what could be planted. This house, which is my grandparents' (my Grandmother lives in an assisted living center) had glorious gardens when I was a child-she grew corn, squash of all kinds, tomatoes, egg plant, blackberries and roses in her garden. We never tried to garden much here, although we talked about it some. It just seemed a waste to invest all that time into a garden at a place we planned to move out of (we've been planning to move to our land for years!).

Today, Land Baron went outside to pull the tall weeds out of the "garden" (the spot that was the garden) and I brought him some water. The smell of dirt and the squishiness of that fertile soil made me regret all the time we've left it to sit barren. I want to garden-I want to go get tomatoes from our own yard, to bring excess squash to all our friends, I'd even like to learn to can my harvest. I want to grow herbs for my kitchen...but I'm afraid.

I'm terrified of snakes. I'm lazy, too. I don't want to weed and water in the Texas heat. So, until I decide to get over this fear, I guess I'll always just have to wish I were a gardener and plan what I'll plant "someday"...

Isn't this sad? I just read in Little Britches by Ralph Moody a line about really living, since we don't know when our time to go will be...I'm going to chew on this a bit...and then I'll plan what to plant next year, since we're moving after all, and it's too late to plant right now anyway, right?

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