• Jun. 10, 2007
Yes, we know what causes it and we like it very much, thankyou.
Because we have this girl gang, I am constantly asked by strangers if we are "done". The short answer is this: I don't know.
The very long answer is this (the last paragraph is a very short summary, lol) :)
I don't know, and I'm really wanting you to not walk away and snicker if I admit I'm considering what life would be like if we had one more. Some days I think I want one more and some days I think I'd like to give one or two away, lol!
You may be surprised to know that we aren't "quiver full" which means we'll have as many children as our bodies produce, thus saith the Lord. Now, I know some QF families and I have much respect for them and their convictions. I cheer for them out in this materialistic world they're butting heads with. But, we've not come to those same conclusions. We believe that God speaks to us about family size in more ways than by just allowing us to become pregnant (or not). We feel he can speak to us through scripture, through prayer, through circumstances and any way he pleases, just like he does all the time when He tells a family they're to go to the mission field or to move or to start a ministry or whatever. A person called to the mission field does not just buy a random plane ticket and fly to an undisclosed location saying the Lord will fly him wherever he's supposed to go, so why would God only expect us to determine our family size by the operation of our bodies? I know God opens and closes the womb, but he also speaks to us. I think God is big enough to do both and we don't have to understand it.
That being said, we do not believe in contraceptives that could be abortifacients (all hormone based contraceptives can possibly allow conception but then not let the uterus sustain that tiny baby's life, causing the baby to be lost usually without the mother ever knowing she was pregnant). I know there's debate over this, but for our family, we aren't taking any risks.
We've used Natural Family Planning or Fertility Awareness Method (NFP/FAM) for our entire 12 year marriage. I'm not super diligent all the time, but I know how to be if I want to be. Right now, I want to be, FYI ;) DH is fully on board with all this.
So, no I did not get "fixed". I hate that phrase. It ought to be in the "You Might be a Redneck Book". Dogs get fixed. As of right now, we've not made a permanent decision. I listened to a great tape series called A Biblical Approach to Family Planning with Dennis Rainey from Family Life. It had a great description of abortifacients and a good discussion on vasectomies and tubals. In my heart, I don't feel it's what God intended, especially for young families. I guess I'm almost QF in that I feel it's sad when families say they only want one child and she had her tubes tied. They just don't know what they're missing. However, I also believe there is a time when it is necessary to consider this route, but I'm not sure exactly when that is other than obvious health risks related to getting pregnant. I'm not sure we won't ever choose this route, but not right now.
Okay, so after that dissertation, do I still want more dc? Maybe. Sometimes just after the baby was born, my husband and I would both feel someone was missing from our family. I don't feel this as often now. I think the further I get from the current baby's baby days, the more the desire will grow. I'm not a baby person, exactly, so I can't explain it...I just don't know if I feel "done" or not.
Some days I do feel very done. When my life is chaotic or the girls are at each other's throats. But that's a flesh reaction.
Some days I want more. But usually its because I've discovered so many cool slings I want a chance to wear them all! That's a flesh reaction, too. Sometimes I think of my labor with #4 and how short it was and I want to experience that again. That's an insane flesh reaction. Just one of those mothery things that happens after you deliver a baby-your brain cells leak out with the placenta.
So, whatever we choose, it'll be okay. I have a superb dh who takes good care of me. If I have another baby and go all psycho again with some mild depression, we'll get through it. If we call it quits, we'll be okay, too. I'm not sure I'll be okay much longer with all the silly comments people make...here are some:
"Boy you have your hands full". Actually, this one doesn't bug me, but it bugs a lot of big families. It's just a convesation starter, give people some slack.
"Are you done yet?" Really it's none of your business, especially if you're a stranger. If you're my friend, you already know you can ask me anything, so this doesn't apply to you.
"You did get fixed didn't you?" This one really bothers me. I just smile really big and say, "No." It kind of leaves people wondering. What really gets me is when Christians have this attitude. Think about it-is it really pro-life to suggest to someone they shouldn't have any more dc? Why can't Christians be fully pro-life and encourage big families? Don't you think we catch enough flack from the rest of the world? Ick.
Okay, so that's my longest post ever and all it really said is: We use NFP and we don't know if we're done. Oh, and I might add that if we aren't done, please don't give me a hard time, that's what I fear more than not being able to feed/clothe/send my child to college.
Comments
• Jun. 10, 2007
I totally agree!!!
Posted by blessingsundreamtof
Love your thoughts! As a mom of 3 boys, and God-willing more, it is very frustrating at times to have others feel that they know better than God for our family planning. Another question that I get right after "Are you done?" (and I answer "God's deciding that.") is "Oh... you're trying for a girl?" I simply reply... "We'll take what ever God sees fit to give us." Anyway, thanks for sharing. I'll stop by again. Blessings! :)Michelle
• Jun. 11, 2007
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Posted by 4sweetums
Honestly! as a mother of 4 dc I don't feel like a large family. Boy! do you get the comments though. Once when my three youngest were all under three a woman started verbally attacking my husband. She said he was being cruel to his wife by keeping her pregnant all the time. Strangers!!!! I have a very hard time getting pregnant and two of our kids are adopted!
Blessings
• Jun. 11, 2007
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Posted by Summer
I just learn all kinds of new acronyms when I visit your blog. lol...loved reading it, and I think you are awesome in your convictions and you know I already regret our decision on the whole baby matter:( So, who went and ticked ya off this time, anyway? lol Can't wait to hear details. Love!
• Jun. 28, 2007
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Posted by homeschoolingmommaof4
I was reading this and thinking to myself Yep she has hit it right on the head. I get those comments all the time. I really don't see 4 kids as a large family but I guess our society does. I always get asked now that we have had our daughter "so are you done now that you had a girl?" Well due to health reason I'm done giving birth to biological children but adoption is not out of the question. We'll just pray about and see what the Lord's plan is.
• Jun. 29, 2007
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Posted by Homeschooling6
I know what you mean about the comments. I always wanted a dozen kiddos but dh and I are done after six. I still long to have another but after my last two births that were a bit scary for dh he says he doesn't want anything to happen to me. I can understand that and in know way do I believe he has less faith in God for making this choice. If that makes sense to you. People think because we are cautious that we have little faith =)
I loved your post and I respect your decision. I would never judge a person for the size of their family. That's between them and the Lord =)
Blessings,
Linda<><
• Jul. 9, 2007
<i>Untitled Comment</i>
Posted by southmsmomof4
I so enjoyed this post. I have 4 dc. They are 14ds,10ds,9dd,2ds. I get soooo many comments. I must admit I do not always react spiritually and with a smile. :o The comment I absolutey hate is the one ppl ask me about my youngest.This..." So why did you want another one.or..why did you want this one?" What kind of question is that to ask of someone about their baby??? How do you answer that in a kind manner? They assume because i have the 2 older boys and the 9 yr old girl i should have (in their eyes) been finished. Anyway, I thank God for blessing me with all of my children. Thank you for sharing this. Be blessed.
Edited by southmsmomof4 on Jul. 9, 2007 at 10:08 PM
