• Sep. 21, 2007
I looooove DSL!

Why did we wait so long, when it's the same price as all our services we had before? Wow. I love it. I might have to send my kids to public school so I can play online all day! Ha!

I want to get nostalgic for a moment...when I was in college, we got online at home-my parents had internet before we did, so they taught us how to use it. This was about ten years ago, so I doubt DSL was even heard of, and dial up was s-l-o-w. I remember starting a page to download, leaving it to fix a sandwich, and coming back to watch it finish up. Then we'd click on something on the page, then go to the living room to watch Friends (I've not watched that in years, don't worry!). At a commerical break, we'd come back and so it continued...Good times, good times (remember all this Jen?)

Speaking of nostalgia, I've been thinking about what future citizens of the North American contenent  will think about us. History is discovered through what archelogists dig up (artifacts) and our writings. What kind of artifacts will be found here? We're in such a disposable society, but also such a materialistic society, that I can't even imagine what future scientist will think of  us. They'll likely find all these electronics, but with such strange names as Blackberry, Ipod, and such, will they even know what they were for? All our household stuff will likely still bear the phrase (with lead based paint, no doubt) "made in China". They could conclude we're best friends with China considering all the imports we have from them!

What about journals? There is so much history found in old journals. I have written in journals for years and years-even before I was married, and I still have most of them. However, I've not written in my journal but about twice since the baby was born over a year ago! I've blogged instead-so if I don't find a way to record my blog entries on paper, all my journaling will be gone-our little family's history with it!

I'm not yet suffiently motivated to start printing off all these entries...but DSL sure makes me want to blog more often!

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• Jul. 28, 2007
I'm gushing!

First, some exciting news-I have a new sister in law. Actually, she's not new, Scott got married 4 months ago! He and Mary kept it a secret for four months. They just went to the JP but didn't want everyone to poo-poo a big ceremony, which they'd like to have in the future, so they didn't tell anyone about the official "wedding". Their plan backfired though, as they realized it was just too hard to hide Mary's new last name on the mail and her driver's license, etc. This is my first SIL, so I'm kind of excited, even though they've been living together for over 2 years--I guess just making it official makes me happier for them.

I'm also gushing b/c I have great friends. Everywhere I look I have a good friend or two. I am so blessed. First Jen generously gives me another installment of cool clothes that I'd never pick out for myself but love to wear. I shamelessly accept them and then offer my spit up stained t-shirts to her...not sure why she won't ever borrow clothes from me, lol!

Then a sneaky friend I won't mention by name (but it startes with "S" and ends with "ummer") and her sweet husband spend their date night at the center putting together all the new furniture we bought on Wednesday. Wasn't it enough that she spent all day Wednesday shopping for the center, then she served on her shift on Thursday, then popped back in Thursday night to put together a lot of stuff? I had just read about Jesus washing his followers' feet before he was nailed to the cross and I thought of how I can better serve my volunteer staff-before I can think of any ways, they bless me instead.

These two examples don't even touch all the blessings I have in my friends. Leah puts up with my sporatic, self centered emails...and has been doing so for over 2 years...Shelly and I can pick right up where we left off, even if our busy motherhoods keep us away for weeks...I really don't know why any one would enjoy my company...I'm in awe of my friends and their sweet spirits. I'm going to steal a phrase from another good friend here: I think my friends are my friends just because I'm a ministry project for them :)

Have a blessed weekend.

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• Jul. 15, 2007
Media Monster

I'm rather notorious for liking a trend when its on its way out. Clothes, techie toys, you name it-when it's first introduced, I don't like it, but when everyone has one, I finally decide its the best thing since sliced bread. The only exception to this are capris-I think I've loved them from day one and I hope they never go out of style!

Take cell phones-back in college, Jennifer's family paid for one-just in case. Well, with two girls (Jen & me) driving back and forth to college daily on a dangerous stretch of black top, I can see why one of us needed one. But the reality was, Jen would call her mom and tell her what she wanted for dinner or to ask if she got something in the mail. I didn't think I'd really need a cell phone...then I got one. Of course, I don't know how I lived without it.

Then ringtones came along and again, I really didn't think I needed any. Although I love having all my peeps assigned to their group with a coordinating ring tone, I can make do with what Cingular gives me on my phone. I didn't get green with envy when Shane downloaded some cool ringtones...really, I didn't. I had to replace the PRC's cell phone this weekend, which I carry all the time and pretend is my own (no need to carry 2 phones, right?), but the standard ring tones are soooo lame. So, what have I been doing this afternoon? That's right. Getting addicted to ringtones. My friends' calls are now assigned to Bad Company's title track ;). Shane will appreciate Tonight by Kutless...too fun!

I'm not so impressed with TV media, though. I have had some free time in the evenings lately, when the kids are off at their 17th VBS of the summer, and I've flipped on the old tube while folding clothes. No kidding-every time for the last at least half dozen times I've turned on the TV, there's been something sexual on. It's not just the shows, either, it's the commericals. I know this isn't new, but it's just bugging me again.

We pretty much only use our TV to watch DVDs and videos. Some Saturday morning cartoons are allowed. The more I've backed off the TV and popular movies, the more disgusted I am when I do watch TV. TV is saturated with PC propaganda-most notably gay/lesbian promotion, right along side premarital sex. If you land on a show that doesn't touch those two topics (you must be watching something I'm not, lol), then you get messed up familes to laugh at--you know, the cute, smart wife/dumb husband shows. I fight my tendencies to lead my husband enough, I don't need TV to encourage me to flip flop our roles.

I want to lead a holy and pure lifestyle without being legalistic. That's my goal. Who's with me? Anybody figured out that exact balance? Is there a ringtone that can remind me to do that?

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• Jul. 9, 2007
I finally got to meet the "guys"

It's probably obvious, but the world of law enforcement is a bit rough around the edges. LB doesn't really want me to hang with his LE buddies. He's afraid I can only handle so much of their sorid language and the brash, in-your-face humor. I think he doesn't know me too well.

A guy I went to highschool with who is also an officer at LB's Sheriff Office buried his older brother today and about a dozen LEOs showed up in uniform to carry the casket. Afterwards we went to eat with a couple of cops hubby works with in the security job he works on the weekends. I got to see his new Sgt, his big boss, and several of his other coworkers. It's so nice to have faces to the names! It's hard to keep up with the stories/personalities of a dozen or so officers when you have no face to put with their name.

It was great to see Shane   ham it up with one of his good friends he works most Sunday afternoons with, and she restrained herself greatly-she only cussed a dozen times, lol. I actually liked her very much and would hang out with her if I had the chance.

So, this isn't terribly interesting to blog about, I'm sure, but I am feeling really good about it, and it's my blog :) I think it means a lot to me b/c I'm so social, b/c I pray for these people so often, and b/c this is a huge part of my dh's life. I push dh to set up times to hang out with his friends, but he always says he doesn't think I'd mesh with them bla bla bla. Dh is so laid back, he'll retire from this place I'm sure, so I love it that we can get to know some of his coworkers. Anyway, his two worlds collided today and it went well. And I learned a few new words-words that won't find their way to the girls vocab tests ;)

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• Jun. 29, 2007
Small Towns

Small towns-I love them :) I love taking  my kids to parades (um, Summer, I have to say the Kiddie Pet Parade does not make my list of fun things to do with my kids-call me a parade snob, lol). Even though we wait longer to see the parade than the total length of our parade, it's worth it just to get that small town feel in your heart. Our town celebrates it's heritage once a year in a western type festival. I have fond childhood memories of riding my decorated bike, along with all my cousins, in the parade that kicks off the weekend's festivities. I remember doing the egg toss and watching my brothers and their nasty  toads in the frog jumping contest. One year, my brother and cousins won the contests because my dad brought giant bull frogs in from the oil rig he worked on. One jumped up Margie McCandless's dress!

I was one of the people who had the attitude that our small town was worthless and we'd all move off somewhere adventurous. Funny how that fades as we get older. I love it that I have deep roots here. I was born in the hospital down the road from the house I grew up in, where my parents and youngest brother still live. There's just a patriotic feeling to living in and loving your hometown (I'm not to the loving stage yet, just the liking..maybe the loving comes in my 40s...).

A few weeks ago, we were looking at a home right outside the town my husband works in. It had 20 acres, a barn, an above ground pool, a basketball goal at the end  of the driveway, a great treehouse, and a nice sized older home. He didn't tell me until it was sold, but my hubby was in love with it. I looked at it but felt it just wasn't  home. I was in love with that community once, but after moving back to my hometown, I'm not interested in moving away. That shocks me, really. I would have never thought I'd get attached to living here. I'm not even in the "in" crowd and I often don't know what's going on, but I still want to call it home.

I hope you have a special place to call home, whether it's the place you go to bed each night or a destination far away only seen at Christmas. This week especially, I hope the feelings you have for "home" overflow into the feelings of pride for our country, especially for the sacrifices made for our freedoms.  What stirs a heart more than love for the Lord and love for our country and the soldiers, firefighters, police and rescue workers who serve us?                     

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• Jun. 9, 2007
A day in our life

Before I go into my original topic, I want to praise the Lord-I've been kind of complaining about church. The church we're going to is much bigger than we're used to. Our past few churches have been populated by 50 people including the itty bitty babies and up to the elderly-ist and when they had visitors each member knew they were to get to know the vistors and be extra friendly. You don't let a whole family go without greeting them warmly, they're your chance to grow by 10%! This church is different, they don't need members and they've been great in every other area, but they're not too friendly. I can't say I have a friend from church-and we've been there for almost a year. Well, now I have a friend from church! Her name is Violet and she's a sweet Southern Belle kinda gal and she's great! Thank you Lord!

Okay, so I thought yesterday was a good day to capture for a typical day for us:

We got up kind of early for us, around 8:30, and cleaned off the table of all those little things no one claims but no one wants thrown away. We spread out all our school books on the now clean table and did school. I sit at the end of the table with the 6 yr old on the right and Ash on my left, this way I can see how Girlie's handwriting is going as she works. I read the Bible (Egermeier's from Sonlight's Core K, which is great) to them both after they've done their math while I get myself ready for the day. Then I volley my attention back and forth, having one read something to themselves or do some independent work while I work with the other one. After a couple hours of this, we call it a day (school day) and clean up the living room  and any other rooms necessary for the piano teacher's arrival. Now this piano teacher is an intersting woman! She needs a whole blog entry to herself! Let's just say LB was right when he said she wouldn't even remember if our house were super messy by the time she came back next week!

She arrived late, as usual, and the girls did their lessons. We had decided earlier that once piano was over we'd finish our cleaning and do some sewing. I finally felt ready to sew a sling (I have this tendency to need to be an expert on something before I actually do it), so I thought I'd do that while the girls worked on some little stuffed animal projects they had. Of course, that really meant I was running like crazy between the three of them  (BB was doing those little sewing cards until she got bored and ran off to play). I had just put the baby down for a nap before we got started so I was sure we'd have a couple of hours to sew...but no, she woke up in half that time. Finally, after 2 trips across town for emergency sewing supplies from my Mom's, and 2 or 3 hours of helping the girls, I got to sit down to my sling.

Land Baron helped out by bringing us some frozen pizzas so I didn't have to stop and cook, he's so sweet ;) He was busy mowing and doing manly stuff when he should have been sleeping. I was feeling a little guilty for asking him to get pizzas, but was more concerned that my hot iron was going to get pulled off the ironing board and burn one of the girls. My visions of a sweet sewing time with all my little girls gathered around our dining room table enjoying the praise and worship and good conversation while the baby slept and bread baked in the oven were quickly dashed, lol.

LB could sense that I was a little frustrated when he overheard me snap at Girlie while she was holding the screaming baby sister right about four inches from my left ear. He nicely asked me a little while later if I was having a hard time. Gently, he held me accountable while trying to access my emotions. He then took all the girls out from under my feet for some Daddy wrestling time and a little minilecture on being quiet while we ended our day.

I got half way through the sling, after sewing rings on the one my mom had already started. Some of this time was spent sewing in the quiet night after the girls were all in bed-just me, my Singer, the radio and the baby monitor :) The baby monitor won out and I ended up in bed at 11:30.

It just won again...

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• Mar. 6, 2007
Magic Moments

The Lord spoke to me today. How energizing. Fat baby fingers discovering the properties of water. Wonderful. Answered prayer. Stunning.

I've been working through some baggage I've carried into my marriage from my teenage years. One particular issue has been such a thorn in my side that I wondered aloud to my sweet husband if I'd ever be able to get over it or if I'd struggle with this weakness forever. I questioned if it were even possible for me to get past--maybe this is just my cross to bear. Last night I was pondering this very thought and I remembered the scripture that says we are overcomers. That sealed it for me-I can do this! I can win over this area!

So today during my quiet time, I just filled God in on what I was thinking. And I was thinking a lot. After a great shopping adventure with four other girls, I had a lot to chew on! Four hours in the car with chicky conversation will do that to you. I told God I need him to walk me through redefining my relationship with him--this time without me liking God's rules more than I like him. Anyone who knows me for five minutes knows I'm all about rules. So I don't have to figure it out alone, he said. He also said he has enough grace to cover the stumbling around I've been doing the last few months. I informed God that I am a bit wishy washy when it comes to being me. I like me, but I want to be funny. More importantly, I want to be liked (okay, I really just want the assurance that the people I like like me back). God told me to work within my giftings and then we'd go from there. What a relief! I know very well what my gift is and it takes so much pressure off of me to try to achieve something that I'm not natural at. (Like grammar, since I just left a preposition at the end of that sentence.)

After my refreshing time with God, I was so touched with a special moment with the baby. She hates baths. She sees bath water in the tub and instantly arches her back and lets it be known she is not up for swimming. So I sometimes bring her into the shower with me. I get my stuff done and have her brought to me. Today she heard the water and saw me reach for her and went nuts. She was so excited to get to shower! So I grab her fat naked body up and hold her close. She puts her head down on my shoulder, sucks her thumb and I feel her body relax against mine as the water hits her chubby back. She loves it. I talk to her as I wash her...then I turn her over to play in the shower stream. She stares at the water so I take the shower head down and let her play with the water up close. She tries to grab the stream with her overstuffed fingers to no avail. Oh---I love it.

And just so you don't leave here thinking God doesn't answer prayer. Remember that I told God I wanted to be funny. Well, we went to Pizza Hut as all families do on Tuesday nights (kids eat free!). As we were walking out, I commented that my shoes were slick. Then I was kissing pavement. I kept thinking through the searing pain in my chest (apparently I kind of splattered onto the pavement with my hands too spread out to keep me from landing everything but my face flat onto the ground) and my burning palms and ankle that I just had. to. get. up. Hurry! Get up! Get up! Get up! Boy did it hurt, then I had to find the keys in my purse and get my hands to work to unlock the car. Lovely sight. Nice and funny.

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• Feb. 1, 2007
My monster

I have such issues with my fierce desire to have it all right or not have it at all. All or nothing perfectionism is killing me. Almost every area of my life is affected by this terrible issue of mine. I'm ready to chuck the whole schedule after 2 days because my expectations were not met. Who cares if my expectations were too high in the first place...

I'm not your normal type A person. I can be laid back and tolerate some clutter, some imperfections...but when I'm chronically behind or have to deal with children who are chronically sinful (let's not talk about my sin, here, okay?), I just want to run away!

I am sticking to it, exercising when I don't feel like it and taking the time out to do some character training...and so on. I have to find out how to be balanced-doing excellent work but not walking around feeling defeated if the work isn't all done.

This is some of the hardest work I've ever done.

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• Dec. 1, 2006
The real me is stepping forward

I just finished our Christmas letter and I'm left feeling a little shady :) You see, I try to keep our letter to just one page. With six people to talk about, that doesn't leave much space! I quickly update everyone on just the bare basics and my page is gone! I won't shame my children by sharing my parenting struggles with all our friends and family, so it leaves our lives looking perfect and polished! That is sooo far from the truth!

So, here's the real truth-a sample of what I've learned/struggled with/been through this year...

*I can live without a shower every morning-this is HUGE for me.

*I love the bandana-on-the-head/housewife look-especially on day two with no shower.

*It saves time/money to only wear make-up to work and to church. Wal-Mart now qualifies for the hippy look-orange bandana, Levi's and a T-shirt, Baby Girl in the sling...which nearly guarantees I'll run into someone thin from high school. No kidding, it happens all the time.

*I can be a super mom for a time-doing the single mom thing while Awesome Husband works two jobs. But I also can't do it all. I'm learning where my own strength runs out.

I've been through the proud-as-can-be stage for my husband. I loved to tell anyone who asked just what he was up to. I could easily sacrifice my time for him on holidays and weekends-the pride in him fueled me on. His uniforms where held in high esteem and ironed with care. (Now they get thrown in with the other clothes and are almost never ironed, lol).

*I've also had many police dreams-I've dreamed my husband died, saved the day, and even been saved by his wife in these dreams.

*I've learned what depression looks like from the inside. I've known what it's like from the outside for 20 years, but after the pride wore off from Mr Awesome's new position, the stress hit home.

*I also learned what true friendship is about-being real with each other, being there during the tough times, offering practical help, and sticking with each other when one (me) doesn't want the attention.

So, there's the real truth. Everything in my cheery Christmas letter is true, but it's not the whole truth, I suppose. This has been a good year and I know I'm blessed even as I sit here in type with a four month old slobering on my hand, a sick 3 yr old saying her fever "has gone back to him's home" so she can kiss the baby now, a 8 dollar deficit in the bank account, and a husband oblivious to all this since he's trying to get a nap before working two 16 hours days in a row. Oh, and he get's tasered tomorrow morning, which I won't let myself imagine for fear of totally shutting down. Yes, I know I'm blessed-I have a great husband trying very hard to be a loving husband and dad, a multitude of friends walking through this with me, school is going very well, I'm blessed with a great boss/board at work, and even though I spend so little time growing my relationship with Him, Jesus still loves me. This is my reality :)

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