Musing Grace

Recent revelation - Asperger's Syndrome

I wrote this in my notebook last Thursday:

I recently had the revelation that every friendship or family connection needs to be an outlet for ministry.  We - especially I - need to be tuned in, looking for ways to be a blessing to everyone we come into contact with - especially those we deal with on a regular basis.  Funny that although I see my family as my primary  ministry in general, I have a hard time applying that principle to each member individually.  I seem to have taken my children for granted - the older ones especially, who help so much around the house.  I'm sorry, Lord.  Please help me to be more tuned in to how I can meet their individual needs: emotionally, spiritually (through encouragement) and physically (by helping them with their chores instead of always being so demanding).  Remind me (mercifully) to love them and treat them as I would want to be treated.  Let love be the motivation for all that I do, say and think.  Use me as Your vessel, Lord, and give me grace to do all that You set before me.

Then, yesterday I went to visit my mom, and she gave me some books to look over on Asperger's Syndrome (AKA High Functioning Autism).  I was floored.  Here, I have been scratching my head, trying to figure out why my daughter exhibits ADD symptoms and other idiosynchrasies, and her every little issue is in black and white, neatly packaged with real solutions to real problems that have been nagging us for years.  I'm going to say that this is not a coincidence.  I honestly believe that this is one big, huge answer to prayer.  What's encouraging is that I'm learning that a lot of what we've been doing is right, but that there are other things we can do that will help her even more.

Ok, now it's confession time.  My aunt, who works with ESE students, told me way back when that she thought my daughter might be highly functionally autistic and I immediately dismissed her suggestion because what I understood to be autism didn't seem to fit my daughter at all.  She is not reclusive and can't count 1000 items at a glance like Rainman.  So I dropped the ball because I thought I knew better.  I thank God for giving me another chance to recognize the problem and work to solve it.

Let me just clarify that I haven't been a big fan of labels (in fact, that might be why I wasn't ready to take my aunt seriously), but when there's this elusive problem that you've been banging your head against a wall trying to figure out and then suddenly there it is, all neatly categorized, complete with solutions, I'll take the label.  We all have strengths and weaknesses.  Some people's strengths ARE their weakness (as in not seeing a need for God because they think they've got it all figured out) and some people's weaknesses are their strength (because God is glorified when He meets those deep needs).  I'm not ready to tattoo anything on my daughter's forehead, but I don't mind her knowing where she is and what we can do to insure her future quality of life and service to God and others.

Our studies

Now that I have the basic framework laid out, I'll log what we're studying.

For devotions, we start with prayer.  On M & F we review the memory verses we've learned and add a new one.  T, W & Th, we're reading from II Chronicles.  We're basically reading the Old Testament, chapter by chapter, but we've jumped around a little.  Like, when we were reading about David, we read some Psalms, and when we were studying Solomon, we read some of his writings.  Plus, I think on a couple of occasions, after we finished a book from the OT, we did a short study of one in the NT (Romans, Ephesians).  I think we're going to take another break when we're done with II Chronicles, because my daughter has been nagging me to do a study called The Mind of Christ.  Anyway, we divide the chapter up so that each person has about an equal number of verses to read, then take turns reading and narrating.

Let's see...after devotions, we do either PE or handwriting.  On M,W & F, we do some kind of exercise - doesn't really matter what it is, as long as we're moving.  I do try to get involved, but am often distracted by babies.  The boys usually play basketball in the driveway.  Heather usually prefers to dance.  Sometimes we'll do something all together, like sit-ups, lunges and stretches.  On T & Th, handwriting consists of either writing in a journal (for my daughter) or copywork.

11:30 is math time every day.  Heather is using Switched on Schoolhouse, so she is on the computer while I work with both boys at the same time.  They're just a year apart so I'm teaching them together.  We're working on adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing fractions right now.  Which one is ahead and which one is behind?  Even I'm not really sure!

Next is chores: one of the kids throws a load of laundry in and makes lunch, one deals with the dishes, and one cleans the living room and bathroom.  Then we eat lunch and do chores again.  The meal person puts away the leftover food and switches the laundry and puts another load in, and the kitchen person clears the rest of the table, wipes it down, washes the dishes, wipes the counters, sweeps and mops.  The living room person moves on to his or her room and the babies' room.  This work never gets done; it is supposed to be finished after school.  I just ask them to do as much as they can in the time allotted.

At 2:00, we resume academics.  M & W we read classic fiction together and sometimes draw or narrate from the story..  Right now we're reading The Swiss Family Robinson.  Our previous book was The Red Badge of Courage.  Before that it was Robinson Crusoe.  My choices were based on what I hoped would interest my less-than-enthusiastic boys.  My daughter needs no encouragement to read; she often needs prodding to get out of her books and contribute to the common good.  After our reading, we get ready for my older two's strings class.  Heather plays violin and Jeremy plays bass violin.  This usually involves running errands while I'm out. 

On T & Th, we do Grammar as a group using Easy Grammar 4 & 5, but I have them write the sentences out, so it takes care of some writing too.  I don't seem to care that it's a little behind them.  Every year they review the same stuff over and over again anyway.  Next, we have a spelling bee in which they have to write the words they miss.  Again, the boys are working on the same grade level, but they have different word lists.  Finally, we do Thinking Skills.  Right now we're reading through The Fallacy Detective by the Bluedorns.

As of this semester, I've decided to make science a little more real.  We were just reading about nature, but now we'll be dedicating Friday afternoons to science lab, which can be a nature walk or fun with beakers in the kitchen.  I have really neglected this aspect of school this past semester.  Last year, we did a little more of that - we were studying geology.  I guess maybe having another baby changed my priorities a little.  Anyway, I plan to get some science projects going on, because in the past I have found that there is nothing quite as all-encompassing as a science project.  You cover history, math (averages, statistics, etc.), and of course, you have to report your findings so that covers English.  And let's not forget science, right?  If it proves to be interesting to the kids, I might abandon the approach I've been using for more of a unit study approach.  Ok, so then after science lab is composition, when they get to record what they discovered, or write about their feelings, or what they ate for lunch or whatever.  It doesn't matter much to me, as long as they're writing.  I look over their journals, and I do observe words and punctuation issues that need to be addressed, but I bring those up separately.  I want their journals to be their own.  Then we have a short, more formal writing lesson that gives them specific guidelines to follow.  This we do together, and they critique each other's work.

So that's about it for academics.  I change the system every time it seems like something doesn't fit, so it might be different tomorrow.  I'm really looking forward to our science project unit study.  I hope the kids are as excited as I am!

The Framework

I thought it might be a good idea to post the basic outline I use for school, chores, meals, etc. before I get into details about what we're studying.

Our daily schedule looks like this:

9:00 - Get dressed & breakfast

10:00 - Devotions (Pray, recite & memorize Bible verses - M,F; read, narrate & discuss an Old Testament chapter - T,W,Th

11:00 - PE - M,W,F; Handwriting - T,Th

11:30 - Math

12:15 - Chores (Includes making lunch)

12:45 - Lunch

1:30 - Chores (Includes cleaning up from lunch)

2:00 - Group reading - M,W; U.S History - T,Th; Science lab - F

3:00 - Music - M,W; Grammar - T,Th

3:30 - Spelling - T,Th; Composition - F

4:00 - Thinking Skills - T,Th

4:30 - Snack

5:00 - Chores (Includes making dinner)

6:00 or 6:30 - Dinner

7:00 or 7:30 - Chores (includes cleaning up from dinner); baby baths

8:30 - Evening devotions (Read & discuss a New Testament chapter)

9:30 - Big kids' showers; babies to bed

10:30 - Big kids in bed

For chores, the 3 big kids rotate their jobs, which are grouped like this:

-Kitchen (Clear table, put away clean dishes, wash dirty dishes, wipe surfaces)

-Meals (prepare & put away food) & laundry (2 loads)

-Clean house (bedroom, babies' room, living room, bathroom)

There are chores that need to be done every day, every week and every month, so we use 3 different charts to show what needs to be done. For example, the dish drainer doesn't need to be washed every day, nor does the top of the fridge, so those items appear on their respective charts.  When I figure out how to upload them, I'll do that.

As for meals, I worked out a monthly schedule that I can sort of revise and substitute to keep it from getting stale.  This is by far the best organizational tool I have ever implemented.  For some reason, meal planning has always been the hardest thing for me to do.  Now I don't have to think anymore; I just buy what I need for each meal, once a week.  Well, ideally...we sometimes run out of something or other midweek, but it has saved me from having to reinvent the wheel every time I go to the store.

Now it's confession time.  I do not stick to my schedules religiously.  Some days I do well to accomplish anything at all, much less at the appointed time.  These are merely guidelines to keep us on track in ideal circumstances.  It has taken me years to get this organized but my house still always looks like a tornado just came through - especially my room.  Laundry is an ever-present obstacle - literally.  I'm relying on Fly Lady to get me to the next phase of home management - my goal this year is to be able to have someone over without having to work for hours first to make my home presentable.

A NEW YEAR - MORE THAN A YEAR LATER

My computer fell off the planet.  That is, I had no internet access for months other than brief stints at the library.  Then when I was back online, I lost my login info for this blog and so I basically abandoned it.  Until now.  I just recovered my login info, so I've decided to start 2008 with a determination to record "a day in the life" kind of stuff.

Since my last entry, I have had another baby, Daniel, who is now 4 months old, making Alan (the Wal-Mart diaper disaster baby) now 2.  My true homeschoolers are Jeff - 10, Jeremy - 11 and Heather - 14.  Throughout the years, I have jumped around from one style of teaching to another, starting out being very careful to do every page in the workbook and then forsaking the workbook approach (except for math) in favor of the Charlotte Mason method using narration.  Approaching another crossroads, I felt the need to get Heather somewhat standardized in preparation for college, so I started her last year (in math only) on Switched-On-Schoolhouse to see how working more independently would work out for her.  She is a year behind, according to the placement test, so unless she can catch up before graduation, I considered holding her back a year and then opting for dual-enrollment when she's in 11th grade so that she would finish earlier in spite of the setback. This year, in addition to math, I put her on SOS for Spanish, Language Arts and Social Studies (so much for Charlotte Mason), but she can't seem to keep up with the schedule I made for her to get through all those subjects in the course of this school year, so I took her back off the schedule and now she's just doing Spanish and math, and those at her own pace.  All other subjects are done as a family, through books.

We do Social Studies using the Bible and biographies, Science by reading about different kinds of animals and other natural phenomenon, and English by reading fiction (nonfiction falls under history or science), having informal spelling bees and doing some grammar and writing assignments from textbooks.  In addition, they also play musical instruments and as of this semester, PE will consist primarily of basketball (we're getting a hoop for the driveway), especially for Jeff, who is participating on a team through a church-sponsored Upward program.  Last but not least, Home Economics takes up a few hours each day in the form of cooking, cleaning and laundry.  This system looks good on paper, but our home is far from the well-oiled machine I keep fantasizing about, especially when crying babies, spills, misaligned naps, doctors' appointments, errands and phone calls have their way with us.

Even so, this is a high calling, right?  So I must do the best I can with what I have and look constantly to Jesus to make up the difference in every area of life.  And His grace is even more sufficient than the troubles of the day.  Amazing grace.  Amusing grace.  I am "Musing Grace."  Over and out until next week, when the structure of school once again restores order if not peace to our home.

Amusing grace - A Wal-Mart Excursion

Once upon a time, I was in Wal-Mart with my 4 kids, forgetting what it's like to shop with a baby (it had been so long). The 3 older kids made a bee-line for the electronics dept. where they like to hang out and play video games. Alan needed a diaper as soon as I got into the store but the front restroom was closed for cleaning, so I figured I'd just shop for the non-food stuff and change him when I got to the restroom at the back of the store. Well. he was fussy, so I held him while I pushed the cart, and somewhere in hardware, I noticed something rather warm against my hand...

His diaper had leaked and it was a doozie. So I promptly made my way to the back of the store, where, once in the restroom, I realized as I rifled through the diaper bag, that I didn't have a change of clothes for him. I decided - hey, I'm at Wal-Mart...I'll just buy him another outfit. So I made my way with him still cradled in my arm, to the infant's dept. and discovered some adorable 3-piece outfits under a sign that said $9.95. I picked one out but noticed it said $16.95 on the tag and took it to Layaway to purchase, thinking I'd get the discount for it. The clerk said it must have been a mistake, so she went back to Infants' to check the price. She noticed that the clothes on one side of the display were marked for $9.95 and on the other side they were marked at $16.95, so she came back and said the outfit I picked out was apparently on the wrong side of the display. Fine. Meanwhile, Alan needed a diaper still...

...So I took him back into the bathroom and changed him, cleaned him up, put him in his blankie, and nestled him into his carrier. Taking the overpriced outfit back to infants', I noticed that ALL of the outfits on that display were $16.95, so the $9.95 price displayed was obviously wrong. I could have pitched a fit about that, but being the hmmm...well, let's just say I chose not to. So I picked out an inexpensive package of sleepers for around 6 bucks and some socks, took him back to the layaway area to buy the stuff and let the lady know that the sign had the wrong price on it for all the outfits in that display. Then I sat on a bench to dress Alan in his new little sleeper thingie and his lovely new socks. I put him in his carrier and proceeded to shop. I went back to infants', having forgotten wipies, at which point, Alan proceeded to scream, so I took him back out of the carrier, and trying not to scream myself, I pushed the cart, carrying him over my shoulder, back to electronics to find my other kids and enslave them...I mean uh, to enlist their services.

 Jeremy informed me that he was unavailable, as he had fish to purchase, and Jeff wanted to go with him, so I exasperatedly allowed them to go their way and insisted that Heather help me by pushing the cart while I held Alan and shopped. Mind you, the only thing I had put in the cart that was on my list at the point was the wipies. It was probably after 10 pm by now. We got past the infants' department without stopping there again (deep breath), and arrived at the soda, where Heather picked out a couple of 2-liters, and we made it to the milk, when Heather declared that she had to use the restroom. Such beautifully terrible timing. (She apologizes.) I freaked out. Go to the blessed bathroom!!! I will shop by myself! Screaming baby and all! So I decided to just grab the absolute, most urgent essentials and attempt to make my way out of the store, when lo and behold, a rumble came from Alan's diaper AGAIN.

Now in flaming rage, I raced through the aisles, threw stuff in the cart, and almost in tears, I headed back to the restroom near layaway. That woman was surely sick of seeing me by now. I left the cart and looked in to see if Heather was there and called for her but got no answer. She had left to look for me!!! Alan was absolutely screaming at this point, tired, poopy and hungry. I was paralyzed. I didn't know whether I should change him and sit in the fitting room for half an hour to feed him before I left or just put him in the cart and make a bottle to feed him in the car on the way home. Feeling completely clueless and hopelessly frustrated, I prayed, "Lord, please get me out of this store!"

Within moments, a newly acquired acquaintance appeared. She said, "I thought I recognized that cry!" Very odd, as I had only seen her on two different occasions, and she had not had that much interaction with Alan. In fact, she later informed me that she had heard his cry from the FRONT of the store, and came to look for who it might be. She asked if there was anything she could help me with, and I almost said no! Ha! Ever heard that joke about how God sends a helicopter and a boat to rescue a drowning guy and he says he's holding out for God? Yeah, well... so I admitted yes, it would really help me if she would please hold the bottle while I changed Alan's diaper, and she was very happy to help. Within earshot of the layaway chick, I told her that she was literally an answer to prayer. While we worked together on Alan in the restroom, we chatted about how children are a blessing, and how good God is, and then I realized that there was someone in the restroom overhearing our conversation. I thanked my new friend profusely for helping, and as I left the restroom, here came Heather, who I then directed to find her brothers and meet me at the front of the store. I went through the checkout line with a still fussy Alan, but I managed a smile in spite of it, and left the store, with my sanity still mostly intact. We made it home after 11 pm, and I said to Brett, who had been wondering if we fell off the planet, "God is good."

Go with the flow

I recently told my husband that I always feel like I'm behind. I never finish my to-do list; I'm always running late; I don't know if I'll ever catch up with myself, much less society's standards of acceptable homeschool momminess, and I'm no newbie!    But my recent revelation was: just get through the morning routine, even if it takes til evening.  Devotions are never optional.  Wade through the essential, urgent interruptions  (like diaper changes) and get some good, solid education going into the kids' heads in the afternoon (at least math and some English; nevermind the crafts), get dinner on the table sometime before hubby goes to bed, and I'm determined to be content with that until I grow some bigger wings.