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Well, I seem to be fluxuating between feeling like things are beginning to change and feeling like giving up because it's just too late and I"m a big ol' failure. sigh. I'm still not convinced about the tomato staking thing. Seems a big hyper critical to me? I would really like to see it in action. Maybe it's all about tone and what you are doing when you are not correcting? hmmmmm I really would like to see things be different. Our home is not ''that bad"... but it's not what I think the LORD could have it be. I think I need to be more humble, more submisive, more loving, more praise-giving, more fun... yet, I get bogged down in the activity that needs to be done: school, diapers, nursing, meals, dishes, etc. Again, that idea of doing the meals and cleaning together.... I feel like I am a piece of metal (already hardened) being put on the anvil for some reshaping. Not too pleasant and quite a bit unsure of how this reshaping is going to happen.
Lord, I'm at a loss here. Please give me some direction for exactly what you want me to do. I know that you want me to control my tongue. That one is obvious. I know you want me to praise my children more. Do you want me to use the method of tomato staking? more group activity? Please lead me. Give me a hope. Please help me believe that all is not lost with my firstborn. Please help me see that she is still a child, though headed into early adolescence, and that her ways are not totally set yet. Help me. Hold me up. I need You to do this. I can't. I know that deep within me. Please remove the pride inside me that whispers that if I just find the right method and stick to it, my children will be saved and I will have done a good job. Oh, how desperately do I want them to be saved, but that is between you and them. Help me be faithful with them, a good steward, but keep me from thinking that it all rests on me. In Christ's Name, Amen. |
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