|
Very interesting thing happened tonight. Dh and I went to a big Christmas party. Was quite the shindig. Fancy food. Lots of people. Fancy clothes. Now, I'm not a big social gathering type of girl. I *really* like to get together with my friends. I used to go scrapbooking once a month. Love to meet friends for lunch or dinner or go shopping... whatever. But I don't like mingling kind of things. Small talk stuff with people I don't know that well. I should view it as an opportunity to share Christ, but I would just rather be with people I know and love. All that to say that what I'm about to say could partly have to do with how I feel about tonight... ... I felt out of place. Granted it's been a hard week and maybe I'm a bit melonchaly anyway, but I think it was more than that. I knew about 70% of the people. Some of them pretty well. It was a couples only kind of night. No kids. That didn't bother me too much. It was the "So glad to be away from the kids..." kind of thing. The let's dress up and impress others how cool we are king of thing. It felt very superficial. Very non-eternal. Now, don't get me wrong. I like to look nice on occasion. To feel pretty. To buy cool things on occasion (I just bought a new purse Thursday night at it cheered me up a bit. Some shopping therapy, I guess.). But this seemed a bit more than that. It also bothered me to see how much alcohol was being served. Again, until July of 2004, I drank on occasion. I was called to lay that at the alter. Don't think poorly of someone who has something on occasion, but this reminded me too much of the high school, "Let's be cool and drink while we're away from the kids (instead of parents)". I don't know. I felt like I was the only one there who would appreciate tomato staking. Now, I wasn't the only hser there. There was 1 other. She's in her first year and loudly talks about how she need her breaks, "I"m in San Antonio, don't call mommy, I'm on break." I think I may have sounded a bit like that a few years ago. Now it saddens me.
This may not all make sense. Basically, I'm saying that I think I saw a few of the changes God is doing me reflected in how I felt tonight. It's encouraging for me since I feel like such a failure so often. I see how He's drawn my heart to my children. Don't get me wrong, I *know* those mothers love their children, but I now see how they don't cherish them as much, treasure them as much, know their hearts as much because of how they feel about somethings. I was there, so I understand.
Thank you, Lord for drawing me away from self more. Don't stop. Keep drawing me toward You and away from me. Tie my childrens' hearts to mine. Help me. in Christ's Name, amen. |
Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Posted by
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|