Right when I was about to start TSing, the tragedy week occurred.  I was on the phone or down at the office or on the porch talking to staff or my dh too often to TS.  My focus shifted to my dh and the Ranch.  Then the holidays came.  I just can't try to big things at one time: holiday activities AND a new drastic lifestyle change.  BUT everyday I see why this TS thing (as weird as I think it sounds in some ways Ü) should be the way to go right now.  My eldest is a person I don't like too much (gasp! don't hate me).  She is very self-centered most of the time and manipulative.  She struggles with lying and being mean.  We've seen some real improvement in the last couple of months, but it is a really big heart issue problem.   It's not that I *never* like her.  Sigh.  I do love her like crazy.  BUT I think TS is the key for me.  I need to be around her more.  I need to see the fun things she does, says, shares Vs. being the umpire called in when things go badly across the house.  Ya' know?  I see how I've gotten here.  It was pretty easy, actually.  As they get older, they play together.  I let them.  I take care of the babies and the house and the 'work' and the older kiddos play in their rooms/whatever away from me.  I can't stand the bickering and problems, but I keep letting them be alone.  It seemed easier at the time, but longterm, I'm paying the price.  Sigh.  I see glimpses of her that are sweet and fun and kind, they are just few and far between.  I don't want to feel this way.  At all.  And I certainly don't want to stay in this place.  So... I need to be in the Word, in prayer and in the mindset of child training.  We have company coming until the 3rd, so on the 4th... it's TS time.  I need to reread, study and pray.

Dear LORD,

You seem to not be letting this go.  Help me.  Keep me focused.  Thank you for preparing me that this will be exhausting.  Thank you, also though, for the encouragement that it will reap fruit.  Help me.  Guide me. 

I love you so much.  Help me get to know my daughter better.  Help me be the parent she needs, not the one she was given.

in Your Son's name,

Amen.

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Posted by homekeeper37

Have you read the whole tomatoes website? If not, that would be a great place to start. Soon the author will have the whole site in a book form. I am cheering you on....you can do this!

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Posted by Kg

Just a quick note, GfG, to wish you and your family (and the Ranch) a wonder-filled new year. May God grant new hope, healing and wholeness to you and yours.

Blessings!

Kg

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Posted by Risa

Hi! SL Risa here. I am saying a prayer for you right now as you start this TS. :) God bless.

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