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Well, this weekend is a real test of how the LORD has changed my heart. Or not. My dh left an hour or so ago for the weekend. We *will* see him at a wedding tomorrow night, though the wedding is also a test.
Tomorrow night I get to go to a wedding where one of the groomsmen is my ex-fiance and one of the others is an ex-bestfriend. The ex-fiance is not too huge of a deal. He and I are fine, his wife has been rude to me in the past, but hopefully she has matured. The ex-friend is another matter. He/They broke my heart.
A year and a half ago the LORD burdened me with 3 couples who were in a doctrine that I believe is cult-like. Their particular church is waaaay cult-like. So I prayed. Then I prayed. Then I prayed non-stop. This all lead to some heartache. One couple left that church- Praise Him! The other two will no longer speak to me. One of them was my very best friend (the wife of the one mentioned above). We talked every day and saw eachother weekly or more. It was traumatic and like a death when they cut me out of their life. And... they will be there tomorrow night. I wasn't sure if I could go. I think I will.
But... all this to say, IS MY HEART CHANGED? In regards to my temper? in regards to 'me time'? in regards to 'heartstings with my children'? This weekend will show if so. I usually get very stressed when my dh is gone because I don't sleep well, which leads to a short temper, which leads to lack of self-control. Sounds like Scripture...."which leads to death". Don't want that. I want victory and rejoicing in my home.
So: will I shout? or will I praise? will I lose control? or will I walk in the Spirit? will I become frustrated if I have very little alone time? or will I see each opportunity as just that, an opportunity? will I show peace and gentleness to my ex-friends? or will I focus on *me* and cry?
I guess we'll see.
More tomorrow. |
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