“We interrupt our regular program to bring you this special warning about the first day of next month. We will continue as normal after we’re through showing this Special April Fool’s Day edition. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Yes, that’s right folks: today we’re bringing you this special April Fool’s Day warning. As soon as it is possible, after Easter we will continue with The Art of Magic. So, without further ado, let us begin...

April Fool’s Day Warning

Most people are rather frightened of this day and dread its coming. Especially this year. Why? Because for those people who go to church, like me, we know that we are going to have to see a lot of people on Sunday and there are probably more than a few people willing to see you freak out, get dirty or messy, spill something down your shirt, or otherwise hurt or embarrass yourself. This day is their scapegoat, as they can do such awful or mean things to you without getting punished. It is also our time to do the exact same thing to them. Brace yourselves, this entry will both prepare you for how to get through Sunday alive and teach you some essentials on how to make sure other people, well, how does one put this sort of thing into words, make sure that your friends do not live a day past Sunday the same way again. Do you get my meaning? You need to make these people hurt, physically and emotionally. Embarrass them. Hurt them. Trick them. There is one rule though: don’t over-do it, okay? There are some people who will take this too hard. Go easy.

April Fool’s Day Defensive Training

• Check all cups. Someone might have slipped you a dribble cup, or, in other words, a cup with holes all around the brim so that you spill drink all down your shirt. Very funny, for them, although you can reverse the process by slipping them one   .
• If someone brings something exciting up suddenly, like maybe the fact that you’re going to Disneyland the next day, don’t believe them (believe me, I’ve had it happen thanks to my very loving mom. How nice. NOT! This is a good one to use on someone else, because, believe me, it hurts, a lot).
• Check all candy, gum, or other things given to you by your enemy. There may just be a snapper or fake spider ready to spring out at or hurt you, although that gum does look rather inconspicuous. OUCH!
• Be careful getting into bed at night. Someone may have snuck a comb or a couple strings of cooked spaghetti in there just to scare you more than you are already. Be on the lookout for people who might do these things and in turn, do it to them.
• Be cautious about what you eat. Food can be disguised very easily, which we will get into later. Just be sure that that peanut butter and jelly sandwich you’re eating really is just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Alright, now you are defensible against your enemies’ tricks. We must now make you offensive.

April Fool’s Day Offensive Training

• You already know what a dribble cup is, so use it and use it well. Make your enemies cry. Use grape juice or strawberry soda to get the best effect and surprise.
• Coat you’re the tips of your enemies’ pencils with white the night before. When the glue dries, the pencils will be impossible to use unless sharpened for a while.
• This idea was given to me by my friend and you should probably let your mom or dad or someone who drive in on the joke: go to the grocery store and get enough vanilla pudding to feed each of your family members or whoever you are having dinner with about a cup’s worth. Also grab candies such as Starburst, gum, Jelly Beans, Skittles, caramels, and others that look like veggies. Using your favorite pie crust, make chicken pot pies for your whole family, but instead of filling, use the vanilla pudding and instead of vegetables, cut up the candy to look like different veggies. Pop them in a slightly warm oven until dinner time and Voila! perfect little “chicken pot pies”!
• If your parents are heavy sleepers, sprinkle baby powder in their hair to make it look like they are going gray!
• Switch the clothing in your siblings drawers around so that they are not able to find a thing.
• Some other ideas are listed in the defensive training section, like spaghetti in your brother’s bed or a snapper gum stick.

There, you are; all set for April Fool’s Day. Now get out there and fool some people, soldier!

Until we meet again,

HRTF