Taskforce to Homeschool Texas School District Administrators On Effective School Management

~A Satire by Dr. Bruce Shortt~

Dr. Adolphus Reich-Smith, chairman of the Poltroon Independent School District School Board, and Thelma Mae Tomkins, principal of the Tomkins Home School in Muleshoe, Texas, announced today that Poltroon ISD has accepted an offer by a multicultural homeschool taskforce led by Principal Tomkins to homeschool the Poltroon district administrators on effective school management.

“It has become apparent that Poltroon ISD cannot survive on its current annual funding of $8, 992 per student for operating expenses,” said Dr. Reich-Smith. “Expenditures on various ‘awareness days’, ‘in service days’, reading programs, and mathematics courses are beginning to threaten funding for football, cheerleading, and other core functions of Poltroon ISD.”

Last October PISD unsuccessfully sought a waiver from the Texas Education Agency to reduce mandatory instruction in consensus building, anger management, and algebra in order to stave off the looming fiscal crisis. Appeals for additional funding of $3,600 per student have also been rebuffed in Austin.

Since the waiver was denied, PISD officials have engaged in a series of team building exercises in a search for a consensus approach to budget cuts. “Although we found the seven or eight Hill Country retreats stimulating and empowering, no one offered to have his job eliminated,” Dr. Reich-Smith noted. “The recommendations of two outside consulting groups also proved impractical insofar as they were deemed by our employees to be inconsistent with their current work practices. Fortunately, the Taskforce brings a wealth of experience in alternative approaches to school management that will benefit our administrators.”

Principal Tomkins, an honors graduate of Muleshoe High School, says that she “is looking forward to bringing the administrative lessons of the Tomkins School and the rest of the Taskforce to Poltroon ISD.” In addition to Tomkins, the Taskforce includes the principals of the Harris School (Cut and Shoot, Texas), the Snider School (Arcola, Texas), the Davis School (Gun Barrel City, Texas), the Smith School (Dime Box, Texas), and the Gonzales School (Piedras Negras, Coahuila).

Dr. Jim Bob Tucker, PISD board member, credits the board’s decision to homeschool its administrators to an audit of the Taskforce members’ schools. The audit found that the average annual administrative expense for the Taskforce schools was $7.93 per pupil: “Their main administrative expenses were spiral notebooks, some felt-tip pens, poster board, and an assortment of smiley-face stickers. Although we found the lack of formal accountability systems and reporting procedures in these schools somewhat baffling, we believe there are valuable lessons to be learned.”

According to the Board and the Taskforce, PISD administrators will begin their homeschooling in June in Gun Barrel City and will follow a rotation through the participating schools that will end in late August. Topics will include time management, facilities maintenance, discipline, community relations, and the importance of academics in preparing for the Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, the Texas academic accountability test.

Jolene Gonzales, principal of the Gonzales School and mother of four sons currently studying nuclear physics at MIT, believes that the PISD vice principals will be particularly interested in her seminar on the use of mesquite and other renewable resources in student discipline. As Principal Gonzales puts it, “Getting boys to behave isn’t rocket science.”

One PISD administrator, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that she welcomes the opportunity to earn continuing education credits while learning new and exciting approaches to school administration, but is “unsure how all 94 PISD administrators will fit into Principal Tomkins’ kitchen.”

Poltroon ISD serves a very diverse West Texas student body of nearly 1,500 students and is home to the “Fighting Poltroons”, the 1991 Class 3A football champions.

Please direct press contacts to Dr. Hermione Z. Gringold, Assistant Vice Superintendent for Public Affairs, 1-666-834-9000, ext. 13

Gena Suarez is the co-publisher of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine, LLC. She and her husband Paul (the other "co") reside in the foothills of the beautiful Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. The magazine, read by thousands of homeschoolers worldwide, is a family affair and is run out of their home.