Our Journey Through Foster Care

Jesse was home, and we were about to be homeless!  My husband was leaving the military and we had to find a place to live close to his new job.  We spent countless hours online looking for a place that we could afford and would accept four children.  We were now looking at one of the challenges of raising a “large family.”  (Large by today’s standards, not by ours.)  Landlord after landlord claimed that the rental was too small, its septic system couldn’t handle that many people, or any other “legal” excuse to prevent us from renting their house and having four children damaging it.  We finally settled on an apartment. 

The boys were still foster children, and we had to receive permission to move out of state with them.  This was obtained, and once we arrived at our new home, we had to report to the system there, where we found we had to go through all the training classes, background checks and physicals all over again.  I wasn’t sure I could handle sitting through the classes once more, but I managed to sit and keep my mouth shut, most of the time.  It’s hard to sit in a class for new foster parents when you are not new and know perfectly well that the system is flawed.  Several lies were told, and it was obvious the social workers were ignorant of the laws.  I survived. 

Jason’s biological mother was still fighting for her son from prison.  All we could do was sit and wait.  After each hearing we would receive a phone call, explaining that once again the judge ruled that her rights be terminated.  We could move on with adoption.  Then we would receive a phone call several days later in which we were told that Jason’s mother was filing an appeal. 

While in prison every legal action a prisoner takes is paid for by tax dollars.  If Jason’s mother hadn’t been in prison, she wouldn’t have pursued keeping her parental rights.  She wouldn’t have been able to afford it.  (Her rights would have still been terminated even if she weren’t going to be in prison for several years.) 

We had made several attempts to assure Jason’s mother that she would be able to keep in contact with us, but she refused to cooperate.  She wouldn’t give us any information so that we could find her if necessary, and she wouldn’t accept any information from us. 

As the appeals came and went, I began to worry that a member of Jesse’s family would decide they wanted him after all.  This had happened to many of my friends who had hoped to adopt their foster child, the adoption day was set, only to have a family member step out of the wood work.  The foster child would then move to the family members house and my friends would be left trying to put their lives back together.  What was interesting was that in nearly every case, several months to a year later, the child was put back up for adoption.  Unfortunately, the foster families had already made plans to adopt another child or circumstances had changed that they no longer could do so. 

Two years after Jason moved into our home, a year after Jesse returned to us, our adoption day finally came.  The Supreme Court had ruled in our favor in Jason’s case, and not a single member of Jesse’s family wanted him.  The boys were three years old.  After talking with the social worker on how we wanted our sons names to appear on their birth certificates, and which nationality we wanted it to reflect, arrangements were made for the adoption.  (Believe it or not you can choose the nationality your child’s birth certificate will show.  We opted to keep it the same.  As if anyone would believe they were Caucasian!)  We trooped our way down to the attorney’s office and had a phone conference with the judge in the state we had lived in.  We signed the adoption agreement, it was notarized, and we were free! 

I didn’t feel any different that day then I had the day the boys came to live with us.  They had always been my sons in my heart.  The only thing I felt was relief.  It was over; Jason and Jesse were ours forever.  Many families have a big party to celebrate adoption day.  Due to several circumstances, we didn’t.  Part of the reason was that it didn’t occur to me.  We didn’t have any family members near by, (some of which didn’t think we should adopt) my husband had to go to work right after the adoption, and I think I had only seen it as a day to have it over.  I wish now we would have thought to have a party anyway.  We did send out announcements.

We had waited so long for our adoption day.  I had thought life would be so much easier after the adoption.  In many ways it was.  In other ways I was in for a shock!

Tia Linschied is the mother of four beautiful children, two of which are adopted foster children.  Tia enjoys writing about her family, homeschooling, and her experiences as a foster and adoptive parent

Related Tags: adoption, foster care