The general consensus is that it can be difficult to be the playmate for an only child.

Quite frankly, at certain ages their games are just not all that interesting for adults.  Or, alternatively, their preferred play method just doesn’t quite work for you. 

And, if the homeschooling parent of an only child were always to give in to the request to "play," so much wouldn't get accomplished - like school, meals, general chores, or brushing your teeth first thing in the morning. 

But, aside from feeling guilty, what does one do? 

There are a few ideas that merit consideration when playing one more game of “Math War” just seems a bit too much to ask of a sane adult:

• Try setting a time limit on things you just are not in the mood to do. Most of us can do something for 15 or 20 minutes that we aren't interested in - people usually devote that much to a movie or television show before giving up on it.  So, look at a clock and tell your child you will do this activity for 20 minutes, but then you (not them) must get to something else. 

·        A similar idea is to offer two choices *you* can enjoy at the moment.  You'll play x or y, and those are the options.

This has a couple of benefits.  The choices are yours and you feel like doing them.  It also eliminates the need for the child to make a decision about what to do.  They often gravitate to the same things, either out of habit or because it worked when they asked yesterday!  Offering an option chosen by Mom or Dad may add some spark to their day by changing-up what they would normally do and moving them into a different interest or activity that you'll both enjoy. 

·        Find a way to participate without really participating.  Maybe you can sort Legos while your child builds, brush doll hair while they play house, or organize the craft box while your child creates a work of art.  You’re available, you can easily interact and respond, but you aren’t playing in a direct fashion.  This can actually be liberating for the child because they are in control of the play, but know that you’re being attentive. 

·        Have your child bring their things to where you need to work and then supervise.  This works exceptionally well if the play session looks like it might take a while.  Your work may take a bit longer than it would have otherwise, but everyone is satisfied.  The best part is that there's no guilt about "things undone."

·        Buy toys that interest you!  Admittedly, this is a big fun part about children, right?  You can be a kid again and play with their stuff. 

Evaluate the toys or games that you bring into the house and consider whether you or your spouse would enjoy playing with it.  If you wouldn't, then most likely you aren't going to want to play with your child using it.  Then, the game or toy becomes a source of disappointment, rather than fun.

·        Explore unusual or advanced games with your children.  It’s amazing how quickly, and how well, a five year old can learn to play chess. 

 ·        Finally, take up, or share, a hobby with your child.  Most of us aren’t going out on the soccer field or dance stage with our child!  But, we can share an activity with them that can become part of our special time with them. 

All too often, parents of only children are worried about finding "other children" for their onlies to play with.  Then playdates, homeschool groups, classes, and other activities start to crowd the schedule.

However, constantly shuttling a child from one activity to the next doesn't seem like the way to teach them to be self-reliant, independent, and able to make themselves content when there's no one else around.

It's important to remember that one of the primary reasons many of us homeschool is so that, as parents, we control the types of socialization that our children are exposed to.  Thrusting them into a variety of group situations so they aren't "alone" may be counterproductive to that goal.

We also have to put away the guilt about not wanting to play along with our children at every suggestion.

At those times, you have to consider how much time your child would get to play these wonderful, involved, imaginative, or intellectual games if he or she was placed in a traditional classroom for eight hours a day!  Then you can pat yourself on the back, realizing that they at least get the opportunity to play such games at all.

It's not always easy to find your "inner child" on demand.  After being cooped up on a rainy day and expecting your spouse home late from work, playing just might not be in the cards.  And that's OK.

But, at other times, the invitation from your child to play may be a hidden invitation from God to slow down and enjoy the special single blessing you've been given.  And that's way more than OK. 

Michele "Mingo" Marshall, Ph.D. is a very grateful guest columnist for Donna Conner of Homeschooling Only One - http://homeschoolblogger.com/DonnaC.  Mingo lives with her daughter, Kate, and husband Steve in southern Indiana.  You can read her blog at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Mingo/

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