First this week I have a personal note of apology. Last week, I overdid a bit and had a small minor set-back to my surgery recovery. I missed getting my Friday column turned in. I'm better, and know things will continue to improve. The doctor did tell me it could be thru March before I stop having "bad spells." I'm sorry that I missed last week and will do everything in my power not to repeat that goof. Thank you for your understanding.

So, onward and forward....

From the Mail Bag:

What about Competition?

  

Reader notes that her six-year-old daughter likes competing with herself, and that it's done wonders for her math skills. Reader wonders how much of this "need for competition" seems overlooked, or necessary, with onlies? She stated that the "obvious answer might be sports, but that not everyone is wired for team sports (the usual option). And single sports are lot harder to implement, as well as being more expensive usually (thinking bicycling or skating here). Are there other options or other things that would be easy for parents of onlies to help their dc get involved in?"

Some children like and might even thrive on some healthy competition, and of course with no siblings, they don't have a built-in "adversary." As my reader noticed, children can compete against themselves. This can be done with a timer. My son used it to see how many math problems he could get done correctly before the timer went off. Other children compete using a standard, aiming for a grade A or a 100% score. Parents need to pay attention to their children and see what works for their child. 

Sports can be another avenue, but as my reader points out some children are not "wired" for team sports. I do recommend that even those children have a chance to play some sort of team sports. My son is not really an athletic type, but had the chance to play with a small town softball league with a friend and ever since then has an interest in the major league scores. It's a great experience even if they aren't the best player, no matter the sports. Individual-type sports can both be expensive and hard to find, depending on where one lives. That doesn't necessarily preclude getting a child into that kind of sport, though; it just makes it more challenging. Archery, bicycling, ice skating, equestrian sports--one can encourage and at least allow a child to get a taste of these kind of sports. (For a fairly extensive list of individual sports, check out Wikipedia's list.)

Don't forget that there are plenty of pursuits that have competition built in them. Board and card games leap to mind. Although it's good to train them to be "good losers," the exultant feeling of being a winner at something is something that they need to learn also, with good manners, of course. The school systems seem to have taken "self-esteem" a bit too far, it is still something that children need to have: being able to feel good about themselves. Playing games that they are capable of winning (and do) can really help them in achieving a healthy self-esteem. Being involved with other children where they can play, and thereby compete naturally, is always a good thing also. This can include homeschool groups, church groups, play groups, and just friendships that occur along the way.

I'm a firm believer in "moderation in all things" and think one can take competition for competition's sake too far. The hardened parent screaming at their little one on a soccer field, comes to mind. When the winning is more important to the parent than the journey of the game, win or lose, I think it's time to back-pedal on this competition thing. So finding balance is always a good thing.

If you have any question about homeschooling your child, whether he is your only student or not, please feel free to drop me a line. Maybe you'll see your question highlighted in an upcoming column. I will always reply to you personally.