“….because thou hast left thy first love.”

Revelation 2:4 is referring to the Church in Ephesus. That particular gathering of believers had labored, for Jesus’ Name, and had not fainted (verse 2-3), yet, they had lost their first love, perhaps doing their labors without the new love/first love intensity often manifests.

Today, I’m not writing about our love for Christ and His church, but more about our “second love.” About the one who should come second after God, and before our children (who should take third place).

This week my husband and I celebrated our Silver Wedding Anniversary—25 years together as man-and-wife. At times it feels like it was just yesterday, and at others, like a million lifetimes (which I wouldn’t trade for the world). No, we haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, and there have been disagreements over the years (yes, we are normal and have human failings), but the longer we’ve been wed, the better it has gotten. We have always approached marriage with the idea that it is for forever. That love is a choice and divorce is not an option. In fact, we decided even before we married to consider “divorce,” the “D-word.” Like a bad word, never to pass our lips in anger, or otherwise. We determined that we would work out whatever we needed to work out. By weathering the storms of life, our relationship strengthened and even while the winds blew, we clung to each other instead of allowing adversity to pry us apart. Even now, I’m still giggly-in-love with the man after all these years…and the best is yet to be!

When one has a young child (or children, as this goes with those with many or who have only one offspring), it’s easy to put our husband (or our wife) on a back burner. So much energy is needed to nurture and raise that child. The primary care-giver, usually the wife/mom, can get so tired and gets to the point where it’s hard to give and give and give. You’ve got to make it a priority to give to your spouse quality time as well as some quantity of time! Sometimes it’s not easy to carve an hour or two in every week, but it’s oh-so-important to do so. I want to encourage all of you to make time for your husband! He is providing for you to stay home with your child! He loves you and his child so much! Don’t fall back to the thinking that in a few years you’ll put some effort into your relationship with him! It’s too easy to do that. Husbands, don’t forget some niceties for your wife! A simple back rub or foot massage can do wonders for her morale. (And this without necessarily expecting “something” in exchange!)

Someday, your child will be gone, either with a family of his/her own or on the mission field, or perhaps several states away or just down the street. The point is that they won't be an integral part of your home. It will be just the two of you. If you've allowed time to create a chasm between you, it's a great mistake. Does this take effort on your part, on both your parts? You betcha! A great relationship just doesn't happen! You might even have to go back and remember why you married in the first place, why you fell in love with him. So often, it's the same things that get under your skin now, years later! But resolve yourself to fall in love all over again, if you need to! It's so important!

I know that when Mike was younger and our finances were tight, we couldn’t go out every week. Just putting him to bed and spending some time cuddled together on the couch watching an old movie and eating popcorn together was a great “date!” It didn’t have to be a full “dinner & a movie” date out on the town. Remember that although it’s fun to go out, you need to keep the home fires burning bright, and that only takes time spent together. Put the kids down and go out on your back porch (keep a baby monitor with you if you need it), but spend time together. Get creative if you need to! If you can get a babysitter, but finances are tight, eat first with the kids and then go out for a dessert - or even share a dessert. Go to the mall and do some windowshop-dreaming. Even a trip to WalMart can be a great date, if it's spent with each other! Have a picnic in the backyard after the kids go to bed. You are only limited by your imagination, and if you need help, I'm sure you have friends who can come up with some great ideas. (Some ideas even cheap if they need to be!)

The important thing is to put your spouse on a "front burner" and put some thought into blessing on him or her alone. What do they like? Read a book that is right up their alley so you can both discuss it. Go to a "Hunting & Fishing Expo" if that floats his boat; or to the "Garden Show" at the local convention center when it hits town just for her (if that's something she would love to experience with you). For my husband, Glenn and I, just spending time at a book store can be a wonderful date! Dates don't have to look like anyone else's date. You do something the two of you enjoy. Sometimes you do what he likes and then the next time do something she likes. Die to self and give; compromise:  that's what is needed. Put some effort into loving your spouse!

So here we are, after all these years.... Glenn surprised me with a sunset sailboat cruise this past Tuesday evening. It was wonderful and it definitely surprised me!

May you have a wonderful future with your husband or wife! It's worth the time you put in today, this week, and in the months and years to come!