Ok, I'm not a big fan of those who have the "it takes a village to raise a child" philosophy if they feel the State is "the one-and-only village." The village is and should be, those individuals and families radiating out from the core nuclear family: the extended family, the church family, the neighborhood family, etc. Those who will stand beside the parents and support them as they raise and nurture their children as the parents see fit. A homeschool support group can in-and-of-itself be a type of village, especially for those families who have extended family far away and don't have intimate support at hand. Support groups are very helpful entities, and sometimes extremely necessary ones.

However, I'm not sure what's going on with the majority of homeschool groups. I have been hearing negative stories for so long and wish people could be so much more Christ-like. I don't know if it's certain individuals who spoil the barrel for the whole, or if it's something about some individuals who when getting into group settings just don't know how to act, or what.... But it's really sad out there, folks! There are some good groups (I know firsthand as I belong to a couple of them), but there are others which are not giving a good name to "Support Group."

I've heard plenty of comments from ladies who join the group I lead, as they come limping in from some sad treatment. I think some basic rules could come in handy.

If you are in a homeschool support group:

1) When you have a visitor, greet them! And then don’t turn your back to talk amongst yourselves, ignoring them. You may not see that one again. Or she may try again and again, hoping to break through to gain a relationship with you all. If she continues to beat against an unyielding wall, she will most likely leave, feeling like she has every right to warn others of your group’s unwelcoming and rude behavior.

2) Include new members or visitors in your discussion. They may not be prepared to share their life experiences with you just yet, but they will certainly appreciate the opportunity you are extending. Don’t force the issue if they seem flustered and unsure they want to open their mouth. If you are the leader, assure them that they don’t have to share, and shift to another member who will share.

3) If your group is a Christian group, you may need to put some safeguards in place so that the leadership and direction of the group can’t be changed by a hostile take-over. Having rules and regulations are important, but please remember that having new members sign a “belief statement” is no guarantee of protecting you or your children. Unscrupulous people with ulterior motives can sign that, as well as people just desperate for some interaction for their kids, with no qualms about being dishonest as they sign. If you welcome anyone into your group, showing the love of Christ, you may end up with not only a new friend, but as time goes by, a new sister in Christ. My experience has been that those with spiritual differences who did not mesh with the group have tended to move on, no matter how open-armed we have been.

4) If you are a leader, take some time to mentor one of your members who may end up taking your place down the road. If you are a member, find your joy and serve! If you are already overwhelmed and feel like you are drowning, communicate to your leaders! Perhaps they have a need that won’t take much of your time and yet it will be an asset for the group to have done. To have a successful group, everyone does need to work together. Grace needs to be in evidence also, though, and leadership can not extend grace if they don’t know your circumstances.

5) I can appreciate the need for co-op classes and activities, but remember that your group’s ladies need a Moms’ Night Out or some other avenue to let their hair down and have some adult female conversation. No agenda needed for this event. This is where true support can be shown one to another.

6) Whether in group meetings or at a Moms’ Night Out, be considerate of one another. Do you find yourself talking the majority of the time? Try to be sensitive and “pass the baton” of conversation on to others. (I’m speaking primarily of circumstances where you suddenly are aware that you might have inadvertently taken over the conversation. There can easily be times where you are hurting and need that support, where the whole evening is spent encouraging you or praying for you. Everyone finds themselves in that place at one time or another.)

7) Good communication is vital for a healthy group. When one member is hurting, the rest cannot come alongside to help bear their burden with them if they do not know. If you are hurting, ask for help.

8) Be biblical in the way you handle grievances. Either way, whether someone has hurt you, or if you have hurt someone else, you go to them. You don’t vent about fellow members behind their backs. If you cannot gain reconciliation, then go to a leader and seek their help. Do not use this as an opportunity to bad-mouth your fellow-member.

9) It bears repeating. Communication is key in all things! Please, please, respond with regrets or with your plan to attend when an RSVP is requested. It’s plain courtesy but it really does help the one in charge. Materials may need to be purchased. The company hosting a field trip may require a minimum number of participants in order to faciliate a tour. Put the event on your calendar and contact the organizer in the allotted time frame.

10) Be willing to go outside your comfort zone. Yes, you joined this group or that one to get your needs met. But if everyone came in expecting only their needs to be met, no one’s needs could be met, as it takes give-and-take from everyone. Don’t be a martyr doing all because it needs to be done. Likewise, don’t do it all just because you happen to be an “A” personality. But don’t come in expecting to not put forth some effort in helping the group be a viable and successful support group for everyone.

Next week, I want to address the needs of those who have only one child when it comes to support groups.