Those with one child continue to feel a judgmental attitude from those who have larger families. I’m sure it’s not with every large family; however, it’s a recurring theme that often comes up on my HOO message board. As those who do not homeschool still have preconceived ideas about homeschooling, feeling it is acceptable to confront perfect strangers’ educational choices, the same can be found within the homeschooling community at large. When we answer a polite question with a polite answer about our family size, we find that some think they are justified (for whatever reason) in making comments about an extremely private decision between a couple and God. The comments can be quite verbal (as in last column’s example of someone berating a single child’s mom for being selfish because she had only one child), but they can also be mere nuances: a raised eyebrow, pitying look, even silence.

Preconceptions are rampant among humans. We want to take the little we know and extrapolate the whys and wherefores. Our conclusions are not always the truth, and those conclusions can color our responses to others. It’s easy to slip into a preconception, sometimes even without realizing it. Please be aware of your preconceptions.

From a couple of ladies from HOO message board, my emphasis added: 

I just find it ironic that people who live by "accept as many children as God gives you" can be so non-accepting of those who do that and are only given one, or none at all…. [This is based upon] my own experience with several churches that are big on "quiverful and homeschooling" [philosophies].    
                                                                                    ~~Rebekah

I am NOT doing something wrong just because I have only one child. People will say to me, "Oh, I am so tired and busy and I have 6 kids and yada yada yada" and do I say, "Oh, you really shouldn't have had 6 kids, that's why you're so tired and busy. That was a dumb move"? NO, of course I don't say that! That's rude, and mean, and none of my business, and I have to assume they are living out God's will in the number of kids they have. I accept your 11 kids, please accept my one. 
                                                                                         ~~Amy

Shouldn’t the homeschooling community be a bit more unified in accepting each other? If there’s a case of sin, of course that needs to be dealt with in a Biblical manner, but there is no “thou shalt have X children” in Scripture. Do we need to rejoice that the Lord has blessed some with large families and has even directed them in doing so? Of course! But we need to accept those who’s family size isn’t “the norm” also, be that twenty children or only one. By blessing those with large families and disparaging those who do not, our tongues are both blessing and cursing. We are told in James 3 that it not ought to be so.

James 3:9-12 states:
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Rewording what Amy said so well:
Please assume those around you are living out God’s will in the number of children a family has. Accept those with 11 children and please accept those with only one.

The homeschooling community does not need to be splintered. We’re on the same team.

Donna Conner lives in Fort Worth, TX with her husband, Glenn, their son, Mike, and their dog, Lucia. Donna and Glenn have been homeschooling their son since the beginning of his education. Mike completes his homeschooling within the next two years. Donna is an artist and has always enjoyed writing. She wrote Homeschooling Only One three years ago, after discovering that there were many other families homeschooling only one child. Her website is devoted to those with only one student in their homeschool, with listings of online resources. You can visit her website at  http://donnac.com and read her blog at: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/DonnaC 

copyright © 2007 Donna Conner ~~ All rights reserved. Content may not be reproduced in any form without written permission of author, except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles where the title and author are listed.

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