NO! NO! NO!  I am not sure who said NO more often… me or my daughter!  I knew she was extra WILLFUL within hours of her birth.  She would not nurse and she did not like to be held against my shoulder (even to be burped)!  

I started reading right away and have not stopped since:  

The Strong-Willed Child by: Dr. James Dobson

I clung to the hope that Dr. Dobson was right when he said that a well-trained willful child will be just as likely to stand up against peer pressure when that time came as to stand up to their parents as a toddler.  Turned out to be true! 

Say Good-Bye to Stop Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids by: Scott Turansky and Joann Miller

I still laugh every time I read this title!  This book is all about the VERY important concept of HONOR and it gets quoted and referred to almost DAILY in our house when instructing a child how to make a wise appeal, how to act and react properly to one another and how to examine MYSELF as a parent in this crucial area! 

Shepherding a Child's Heart by: Ted Tripp

This book almost swings to the too soft side, but is an excellent balancing of the big picture after reading some stricter titles not mentioned here.   I tend to forget the softer side, personally, and this book was very important to helping me shape a gentle spirit.  

And my personal favorite: THE BIBLE.

From before birth to the end of life and beyond, no one knows how we operate better than our Designer and Maker!  When all else fails…why not read the instructions? I read this best book of all to myself and my children daily.  I consider Scripture memorization to be our ETERNAL daily vitamins!  There is strength in knowing the Biblical prescription for folly, hope in the promises given to those who obey and encouragement to “hang in there when the going gets rough”!  

After all of this reading I would sum up the BASICS of I what I have learned am learning in four tips:

1. CORRECTION: Be gentle, yet firm.  Don’t let things slide…  keep an eye out for the “little foxes” that spoil the grapes.
   
2. CONSISTENCY: even when you are tired…  even when they have been being so good, but are being a little whiny now…  even when you need a break…  stick to your guns! Its also really important to try to be “on the same page” as your spouse. I have noticed the biggest problems in families where the parents present a DIVIDED front to their children!
   
3. CONSEQUENCES: This is REAL life… everything we do has rewards and “punishments”.  Even doing nothing sends a message! Children are always learning.  Make the message CLEAR with a definitive system of rewards and penalties and then STICK TO IT!
    
4. CONSULT YOUR CREATOR: Go to your Maker in prayer!  He knows us better than anyone else. Even when He seems to be quiet there is a gentle strength in knowing that He loves you and your child more than you can fathom!  

Does it help you at  all to know that my daughter is now 15 years old and while imperfect, simply a delight? I don’t think anyone who meets her today would even guess that she had a long history of defiance!  She is now tenderhearted to God and to those in Godly authority above her most of the time! 

Does it discourage you to know that my children who started out “compliant” have each, in turn, been going through a rebellious stage? Thankfully, there is hope in the promises of God and if we are faithful, I know that we will see the fullness of His grace in each of their lives! 

Lovingly and Prayerfully,

Christina 

Christina and her family are in their 11th year of homeschooling.  They believe that it CAN be done despite the many challenges of life! Every member of a family brings its own unique needs and blessings.  Maybe some of what they have learned can be a blessing to YOU!

One important concept that I have learned (that I wish would be added to this book) is to take passive rebellion seriously.  I had not previously recognized this pattern in the children in our family who are seemingly “compliant”… believe me, bad attitudes can come wrapped in a pretty package, at times!!!  Without being harsh and inflexible parents must be consistent, swift to correct, patient and loving.  I do NOT endorse abuse of any kind and would strongly warn about the dangers of being too rigid to the point of causing hard-heartedness.