Some of us (many of us?) seem to have a problem seeing the forest for the trees.  How would I define "trees" in this situation ... homeschooling a highschooler?  How they did on their math today.  Did they get up on time or was it a struggle?  How was the attitude?  And on and on it could go.

How would I define the "forest?"  The person.  The whole person.  Maybe he feels totally invisible in the home.  Maybe he feels like a machine that's supposed to spit out the right answers at the right time, and get that pat on the head before I - the homeschooling parent - move on to other things.  Maybe he's just jumping through hoops because he's supposed to and he's told to obey or else.

I believe that the Lord has shown me recently just how important encouragement is.  And not just patronizing encouragement - "Oh YAY!  You did such a great job!"  No, no, no.  The kind of encouragement that is more than just a statement.  The kind where you stop right where you are and look your teen in the face and smile.  And speak with respect, not just bark the next order.  The kind where you ask how they're doing and really take the time out to sit and listen. 

It's been hard for me to slow down and see the person, for quite some time.  I wear so many hats, and after all - the teens are supposed to be independant learners.  They can do so much to help.  But they need encouragement, and not just small doses.

School will be over soon, and their whole future waits for them.  What will it be?  It can be scary.  Studying the Bible with them, and reassuring that God holds their future would be good at this time.  Seek God together with your teen.  Let him/her know you're praying for them, seeking God on their behalf.  Let them know you're there for them - wanting only God's best for them.

Let them know you love them - the forest (person), not just the tree (today's math result).  I think many of us take for granted the amount of encouragement teens need.   All of us need encouragement - why not them?  Sometimes we can be quite generous - it's human nature - with criticism.  And quite stingy with encouragement.

I want to listen more.  Too often I'm waiting impatiently to take my turn to speak, so I hardly hear the heart - or get a sense for the whole person.  But see, I'm trying to shape and mold this young man, so I must make him see ... no, no, no.  There is a place for letting them speak.  Sometimes we work out so many things in just being able to speak our hearts.  Our teens want to feel safe with their parents, and have that opportunity to work things out in a safe arena - speaking out their fears, dreams, wonderments.  I'm afraid that I have too often shut down the ridiculous and made my teen feel foolish.  "You want to WHAT??"  God has shown me lately how I have not shown the same graciousness and patience toward my own children, that God has always shown toward me.  As parents, we react out of fear sometimes.  We have our cookie cutter all ready, and our teens are becoming their own person.  I think that God wants us to raise them up in the knowledge of His Word, and let Him shape the life.

If we react in fear, we won't respond with encouragement.  We must simply sow in righteousness, and trust God for the results.  And laugh a lot.  And love a lot.  And yes, there's a place to discuss the math test.  But we must discuss it with the person - the whole person.  God does have a plan for each life, and each life is of great value to Him.

Deb Turner - Homeschooling from the Heart
The Old Schoolhouse Magazine
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Deb Turner has been homeschooling for 20 years, and is thrilled to have yet another 10 to go. She and her husband, Craig, have 5 children and 3 grandchildren.  Craig works as a mechanical engineer, while Deb enjoys raising her children and loving up her grandchildren. She also enjoys writing and gardening.