Proverbs 27:5-6 "Open rebuke is better than secret love.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

My brother and his wife came to visit us.  We drove them around to visit local places and had a nice relaxing time together.  However when he got into my car he said, "You know if you are taking people out in your car, you should probably keep it a little cleaner." 

I have lots of excuses for a dirty car:; we live on a dirt road, we have limited power for the vacuum, there are lots of people who ride in it and we are very busy, but I appreciated his advice and have tried to heed it.

I struggle greatly with giving rebuke, I really want people to feel loved, and so more often use Proverbs 10:12, "Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins."  Obviously though it is not always loving to ignore faults in others.  How can we decide when it is okay to rebuke in love, and when we should let love cover faults.

Do we have a relationship with the person?  It was easy for me to hear what my brother said, I know he loves me and while having his own faults, is a really tidy person.  It is important that if we feel we need to correct a friend that they know first that we love them. Rebuke from people that we don't respect or don't feel have our best interest at heart, often just causes resentment.

Are we being nitpicky?  If you see someone in sin and are concerned for their soul, or see that their actions are endangering their family, rebuke would be love, but rebuking people over differing biblical convictions is generally counter-productive.  Here in Mexico there are few homeschoolers, when we arrived most of the missionary families we met were not at all open to the idea.  We didn't criticize them, but offered books and magazines to read, and our friendship.  Several of those families are now homeschooling and still friends with us.  It might have turned out differently if we had taken a more severe approach.

The most important thing to remember before rebuking a friend is to pray. God promises wisdom to those who ask, and His desire is that we love one another. (1John 4:10-11)

Jennifer Pepito