I guess you could say I’m approaching the age, at least among homeschool moms, where I’m quickly becoming the “older” woman.   Yet, it seems like yesterday that I realized our oldest son was about to start high school and I felt a strange sensation in my stomach, a weight on my chest and a sense of panic in my throat.  I had so many questions, so many concerns and so many fears.  I remember devouring everything I could get my hands on to read regarding homeschooling through high school.  I searched the internet, researched in the library, bought magazines, checked out statistics and anything else that would help allay the fears and uneasiness I felt going into new and uncharted waters.

                I’m sure that if you are in the same position or even if you or an “old-timer” like me you began reading this article thinking that perhaps I would share something you had never heard or read before.  You might have secretly hoped that you might even come across some special “secret” that would make teaching your highschooler all that you had dreamed and hoped it would be.  I don’t want to disappoint you, but as I mulled over what subject to cover first in this new column, I realized that as in all other areas of life….we have to begin at the beginning.    

                When approaching teaching high school at home, or even when “re-approaching” high school each year, it is SO easy to become enamored and focused on curriculum choices, transcripts, college requirements and even the dreaded standardized tests.  Approaching high school seems to call all of our fears to the surface and there they stay, close to the top all the time.  We worry about the “gaps” in their education; we worry about the weaknesses we see in their character; we worry about their future; we worry about their relationships with the opposite sex. Frankly, we spend a lot of time focused on our fears.

                Have you heard the saying: fear is really “false evidence appearing real”?  When we are focusing on fear it is very probable that we will begin to become reactive rather than proactive.  We focus on the minors and not on the majors.  We focus on the “urgent” instead of the important.   Does any of this sound familiar?  None of us want to spend our time on things that are truly not important and not our true priorities.  So, when society tells us that academics are most important, or that getting into a specific college is most important, or that excelling in sports are most important, or that some specific skill is most important, or what people think is most important, how do we determine what is it important?  When our to-do list never ends, our schedule is packed, our responsibilities are endless and the “urgent” are screaming, how do we determine our priorities.   It all seems so complicated and so complex at times.

                However, God’s word has a way of narrowing our focus.  God speaks to us through his word and lets us know what is most important.  Our job as parents of children of ALL ages is to reach the hearts of our children and to turn them towards Him.  What do I mean by that?  I mean an openness to communicate with and mentor our own children in every area of life.  To demonstrate to them what it means to know God and become more like Him.  Notice I didn’t say lecture our children, I said, “Communicate”.  True communication takes an atmosphere of openness and honesty.  However, more importantly, to communicate with a highschooler’s heart takes time.  It takes the ability to be with them and be as undistracted as possible so that we don’t miss those rare moments when they WANT to share THEIR hearts with ours.  It takes the ability to LISTEN and not LECTURE.  It takes the talent of guiding and not always judging.  Obviously, the foundation for this type of relationship with your highschooler doesn’t just happen overnight.  This type of foundation is continually built between you and your child for many years.  However, it is never too late to begin this foundation.  If we cram our schedules full and we are overcommitted, we will not have the time or the brainpower to focus on those teachable, sharing moments with the heart of our highschooler.  If we cram our highschooler’s schedule full and they become overcommitted, not only will they not be home for you to mold and teach their hearts, but they too will be distracted, tired and unable to join you in those teachable moments.

                I guess what I’m trying to say is a couple of basic things.  Your child, especially at the high school level, doesn’t care how much you know, until they are SURE of how much you care.  Time to listen is a key element to showing how much you care.  Secondly, if we don’t take the time to reach their heart, no matter how well they do in academics and any other endeavor, we have not reached the mark that God has for us and for our children. 

                When you get a minute, do a search on the word heart in the Bible and see the importance that God puts on the heart and on our reaching the hearts of our children.  In the midst of all the pressing things on our to-do list that deal with high school courses, transcripts, opportunities and more, let’s be sure that we focus on the things that God considers important and don’t give way to the fear of what the world sees as important.

Faith and Courage, 

Lori Lane

Lori is married to the love of her life John and together they have four sons ranging in age from 22 down to 10.  The two oldest boys graduated from home school and successfully entered college and/or internship positions!  (YEAH!)  She is the author of “Beginning With The End In Mind”, is a frequent speaker on home education, family and the arts, and is the founder and Executive Director of Artios Academy for the Visual and Performing Arts where she has worked with hundreds of home schooled high school students.  You can see some of the pictures of their home in the central Colorado Rockies by visiting Lori’s website at www.theendinmind.net where you can also receive encouragement for the journey.