I can remember my first son going through this “spurt towards manhood” as I like to refer to it.  It seemed like it happened overnight.  It seemed to me that one week I was chiding him for not speaking or singing loudly enough in his role as Charlie Brown in the musical “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” and the next week we knew why he was not able to speak or sing as loudly as I thought necessary.  I honestly thought he just wasn’t trying and truly didn’t believe him when he said his voice felt weak.  It never even crossed my mind that his voice might be changing.  MY little boy turning into a man already…it couldn’t be!  However, only ONE week after completing the musical, his voice fell through the floor and the voice that came out of his mouth sounded like a bass trombone.  I even thought there was an intruder in the house one morning after my husband had already left for work….only to find out it was my son’s voice that I was hearing downstairs.

                Along with all the physical changes, comes the observation that our “young men” are truly trying to become independent, trying to assert themselves, to begin to make their own decisions, to form their own opinions, and to make much of what we have tried to teach them, their OWN set of beliefs and convictions.  This process is exciting, but it can also be a little nerve wracking as we realize that we can’t really “control” them like we had in the past. Yes, we are still the parents and yes, they should respect and obey us….but oh, my goodness, in some cases, they are towering over us as their mothers, and sometimes we can feel as if we have now become the children and THEY are the adults. (at least in a physical sense)  

                   It can be difficult as a mom knowing how to handle the ever expanding desire of our sons to “rule and conquer” the world.  It’s a challenge to know how to balance that attribute with their responsibilities and the respectfulness needed within a family, especially toward their mothers.  Some of the qualities that sons are exhibiting during this “spurt toward manhood” are God’s way of enabling them to develop into the type of man that can lead their families and be providers.  Yet, as we know, there must be a balance between that and the parameters in which they must exist within our families.  However, I have to admit that as I have observed over the years, I have seen moms of boys, more often than not, err on the side of thwarting their son’s sense of independence and need for assertion rather than moms learning how to properly deal with this need within their sons and even learning to nurture it within the parameters of family. 

                As your son enters the beginnings of manhood, I would highly recommend a couple of books for you to read.  One of those books is, “Becoming a Modern Day Knight”   and the other is “Bringing Up Boys” by Dr. James Dobson.  These books contain wisdom and practical applications that will help you as a mom understand this transition more easily and understand ways in which to help your son during this process.  In the meantime, spend some time as a couple talking about areas in which you can allow your son some independence and even leadership within the parameters of your family.  Help direct your son towards involvement in things that will allow him to develop and stretch his leadership skills.  Find areas in which he can prove to himself that he is growing towards independence and self-reliance.  However, most importantly direct him towards continuing to develop his own personal relationship and communication with his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Ultimately, his relationship with Christ will be the deciding factor in your son becoming the man that God intends for him to be. 

                Faith and Courage,

                Lori Lane 

Lori is married to the love of her life John and together they have four sons ranging in age from 22 down to 10.  She is the author of “Beginning With The End In Mind”, a frequent speaker on home education, family and the arts, as well as serving as the Executive Director of Master’s Academy of Fine Arts and Artios Academy for the Visual and Performing Arts.  You can see some of the pictures of their home in the central Colorado Rockies by visiting Lori’s website at www.theendinmind.net where you will receive encouragement for the journey.