A week or so ago, I had a dear friend's 15-year-old daughter give me a letter asking for a response. Due to a conference she attended, she was challenged to ask an adult, "What do you wish you knew when you were my age?" As she mulled this over, she felt the Lord encourage her to ask several people, of all "persuasions" (friends, family, Christ followers, Non-Christ follwers, acquaintances, and so forth). She may write or do some sort of art piece from the answers. With her permission, I share with you my response to her question. It doesn't really have anything to do with homeschooling (although she is and has been homeschooled) or with having only one child (she's the oldest of four). But it is a challenge to all of us, to look back and ponder what would be something we would have liked to know "if we knew now..."

My first paragraph concerned watching the internet broadcast of this past week's sermon. LifeChurch.tv does a sermon series based on movies for the month of July each year. They are only broadcast during the weekend Experiences (worship times) and online both on Sunday at 11:30am Central USA time and Tuesday evening, 8pm Central USA time. They are not archived since they do use clips of particular movies (a different one each week). This week was based on "The Bucket List" and was quite poignant. I encouraged her that she ought to make time to watch it on Tuesday (July 22nd). I thought specifically of her during the sermon Sunday morning (July 20) and thought she ought to watch it. (She and her family attend the same church we do, but she had not been able to attend church last Sunday.) This particular one won't be saved, so no one here will be able to access it, but if you're interested, you can watch this coming Sunday's (on July 27 and 29). It will be the last one for this year's "At the Movies" series. 

I continued my reply with the following....

Fifteen... I turned 50 this year. I never thought of myself "being" 40 or 50. Thirty, I think I might have thought of in some form or fashion at some point... figured I'd have kids and be settled into my own family by 30. Mike (our firstborn) arrived the September after the April I turned 31. So at 30, I didn't "have" all I thought I would by that age. In fact, I felt his first kick on my 31st b'day so that was pretty monumental for me. What does that mean to you, now, at 15? I'm not sure... maybe that what you envision for your life now (for then) may look TOTALLY different then than what you see now...

Plus, 15 is incredibly YOUNG. Realize that your life has barely begun. Traumas and heartaches now (and in the ensuing several years), however hard to walk through, might be seen in later years as "nothing" or mere bumps in the road. I'm not trying to minimize or invalidate those bumps and traumas and heartaches that you may have now (or in the next 5 to 10+/- years), but in the larger picture, the highs & potential lows -to-come- will truly make these upheavals diminish in size. Often 15-year olds see everything in the NOW, and the tragedy of things that happen to them...well, the way they see the situations they find themselves within are soooo tragic and sooooo large, and it's just not true. (Although adults around them need to remember that for this age, it IS tragic and horrible and traumatic to the young lady who is experiencing them, in her perception.) The young lady (or young man) just needs to remember that perception is not reality.

The last few years of one's life (at 15, meaning from even 8yrs old to 15 years old) are so full of change (with hormones and such; learning to be one's own self, not just an extension of one or both of your parents; challenging one's family beliefs, even in a small way, making them your own, etc.). There is just a LOT of change. Knowing that life does settle out and although we are always challenged (in different ways and methods), things do settle down some. Usually. ;) That is something that would have been nice to know at 15 (or even 19...) for myself.

I think another thought would be that no matter what you have to walk thru, that if you have a personal relationship with Jesus, He will walk through those situations (your life, period.) with you. You don't have to be alone. There may be desert experiences and times, but hang tight with Him and no matter the outcome, it will work out. Even if the outcome ends up in Heaven ultimately and you don't see one "good" thing in the here-and-now. I have lived WITH Him since I was 10. That's when I invited Him in. He's walked me thru a cross-country move (after living in CA the longest I had EVER lived ANYWHERE which was a little traumatic, but not horrible--I was 10), my parents' divorce when I was 19 (pretty traumatic for ANYONE, no matter their age!), thru the birth & life of a special needs baby (very high needs) and through his death.

I think the bottom line of what I'm trying to say in the above paragraph, is what happened to me during that weekend of Richard's death. (He died on a Friday morning and his funeral was on the following Monday, 3 days later.) The whole weekend ALL I could think of, kind of like a mantra without the Eastern Religious feel to it, was:  "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. BLESSED be the Name of the Lord." Over and over and over... it was all I was aware of almost. NOT Blessed because of what He has done or what He allowed me to walk thru, but simply for WHO He is/was/will be. I know without a shadow of a doubt that He is trustworthy. That He loves me. That He knows the "big picture" and I *CAN* trust Him in all things. Even the things that are not fun, are painful... and trust me, arms that held a baby that is not here in this life any more, those empty arms are truly and utterly desolate and empty... but even so, BLESSED be HIS NAME. I trust Him. I don't know if I could have ever even wrapped my mind around that happening and the depth of the Trust and Love I have for Him before it happened, living thru it, and after it, the and that Love He has for me, even in the midst of pain and travails.

I guess that's my answer to her question, "What do you wish you knew when you were my age (15)?"

What would have been your answer?

Donna Conner lives in Fort Worth, TX with her husband, Glenn, their son, Mike, and their dog, Lucia. Donna and Glenn have been homeschooling their son since the beginning of his education. Mike completes his homeschooling this year. Donna is an artist and has always enjoyed writing. She wrote Homeschooling Only One five years ago, after discovering that there were many other families homeschooling only one child. Her website is devoted to those with only one student in their homeschool, with listings of online resources. You can visit her website at  http://donnac.com and read her blog at: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/DonnaC

copyright © 2008 Donna Conner ~~ All rights reserved. Content may not be reproduced in any form without written permission of author, except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles where the title and author are listed.