Mar. 31, 2008 - Handy Answers to "Fitness Sermons" Just in time for Summer
Okay, okay, we all know that for optimal health we should exercise and watch what we eat. But over the past 20 years, the “healthy lifestyle” issue has taken on a distinct patina of MORALITY. Do you walk a mile a day? Guaranteed, you know someone who will smirk at that—they walk two. And someone else gives them a pitying stare: They run two miles a day, not counting the 15-minute warming up and cooling down periods. And so it goes. Never before has virtuous action been so guilt-laden. (Note to my Catholic and Jewish friends: Don’t start.) That’s not particularly healthy, now, is it?
So here’s an idea. Prepare yourself for "Fitness Sermons" with these handy answers:
FS: Don’t you know that cardiovascular exercise can prolong your life?
A: Careful of media-inspired urban legends! Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
FS: You should cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables.
A: Clearly you don’t grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. And by the way, a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of all food groups.
FS: Fried foods are bad for you.
A: Let’s go over it again. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil—in fact they’re permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
FS: Sit-ups help prevent you from getting a little soft around the middle.
A: Look how funny you are! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. Ergo, you should only do sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
FS: Well, swimming is definitely good for your figure.
A: (Stifle a laugh) If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me?
FS: Hey, is getting in shape important to you or not?
A: (Explode in affectionate laughter) HELLO! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Taken from the HumorRULES® Gazette
Comments
Apr. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by JenIG
hahahhahahahhahahha fried foods add more vegetables to your diet. *that* was funny. i like it
Apr. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
That was so funny! I can appreciate that kind of reasoning.
Erin
www.eakrabel.blogspot.com
Apr. 10, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by MrsJLW
Hey, lady! What are your plans for FPEA? Let me know!
Apr. 17, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by HeartnSoul
LOL! I love it!
Denise
May. 6, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by carrie-the gremlin wrangler
those are hysterical. Love it. And I've never understood why people say to me, "you don't need to exercise, you have a baby to chase!"
Well, I'm obviously not losing weight from that....der.
carrie
gremlinwrangler.blogspot.com
