Through my reading this past weekend, in preparation for this coming school week, I’ve been reminded that our school time is not just about the Three R’s.  It’s about training the whole child.   Even the children’s squabbles are to be viewed as opportunities to deal with the issues of the heart and to learn to respond to one another in spiritual wisdom and love.

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Today, I got to practice my skill at handling squabbles.  In days gone by, it was my practice to dismiss their arguments – to instruct them to handle it between their selves.  I had too much to do, too much on my plate to slow down, to handle immature, aggravating, childish squabbles.  A few years ago, I read the book,  Saying Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids! ( by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.)  and since then, I have attempted to slow down, pay attention, and attempt to use these squabbles as platforms in which to train my children in better relations with one another.  With that said, though, it is still easy to slip back into my old ways.

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This afternoon, Ruthie and Joshua came running up to me, all excited and in a fuss about a pair of water goggles.  Our guest for the weekend, Micah, had the other pair and needed them because of his contacts.  This left only one pair for in which two children would have to share, and it was Ruthie’s.

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Ruthie didn’t think she should have to share. The boys hadn’t been nice to her; Joshua never shares with her; and she had been looking forward to looking for shells with her goggles.  Both children had raised voices.  I stood there, not really wanting to deal with this totally childish argument.  The easiest thing would be to demand that Ruthie share with Joshua.  But, I decided to practice what I’d been reminded of this weekend, and to give their squabble the attention they were demanding.  I sent up a prayer for wisdom, for whatever way I would choose, I was sure to make someone unhappy.

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I brought them both into a room and sat down on the floor with them.  I explained to them that I understood that they both felt it was their right to this pair of goggles. I told them that I wanted Ruthie to go first, to explain why she felt she should not share this pair of goggles.  With tears in her eyes, she explained how mean the boys had been to her, and how they didn’t deserve her pair of goggles after that.

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On Joshua’s side, he wasn’t asking for a whole lot.  He thought they should share it equally, with equal time (he had given his up for our guest).  He went on to explain that the only reason he really wanted them was so that when they went to the floating dock and began to play their games, he could see under water to give him the advantage.

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I repeated to Joshua and Ruthie what I had just heard them both say, and they agreed that I heard them correctly. I acknowledged Ruthie’s feelings of feeling dumped on, and being treated unfairly by the boys.  But, I told her, that I thought Joshua’s request was not unreasonable.  Who bought this pair of goggles in the first place? (Mom and dad)

Would Jesus demand his right to this pair of goggles?  Or would he share it?  Ruthie conceded that Jesus would not fight over this and that He would not demand His way.

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I then turned to Joshua and corrected him on his treatment of Ruthie.  In the end, they were both happy.  Ruthie realized Joshua just wanted her goggles for a short period of time, and she felt vindicated that he had been corrected for his wrong behavior towards her.   Joshua was happy that he got his fair share with the goggles.

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I really couldn’t believe how happy they both ran off together.  I thought, I need to review what just happened there, so that I can repeat it!

• I listened to both their stories, giving equal time.
• After listening, I repeated back to them what their gripe was, as accurately as possible.
• They both acknowledged that I heard their side of the story correctly.
• I then sought to help them look at this with spiritual eyes, what is the right way to handle this situation.

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I am committed this year to teaching my children to learn to get along, to build loving relationships with one another.  May the Lord grant me abundant wisdom!